Thread: anxiety over boyfriend watching porn?

Recent research I read found that there are men who actually "date" porn and become emotionally attached. They will talk about it as if they were interacting with a woman rather than an image on a screen. There is a growing body of evidence that it essentially rewires the brain and changes how people connect emotionally and how they interact. Some people are probably more readily affected than others. Some months ago I had a conversation with a young man who was so addicted that he was spending literally 8 hours or more a day watching porn and masterbating. He had no insurance and desperately wanted help dealing with it, it was literally taking over his life - he was an extreme caes. But because the combination of the visual/auditory/orgasmic/emotional, porn can be a powerful addictor.

My own experience has been that it will indeed affect how a man veiws, approaches and interacts with his partner (or a prospective partner). Granted this may not happen with all men, especially those who use it only occasionally but it does seem to have a compelling draw that sucks many men in. Once a woman becomes conditioned to "porn" sex, she can have quite a challenge retraining herself to respond to a more caring and loving man. For this reason I strongly urge women to avoid falling into that trap. You may think that by accomodating him by mimicing what he is viewing, you will somehow reclaim him, - don't count on it. It worked to my detriment and the same is true of many other women I've discussed this with.

The pattern seems to be that you may watch it with him, copy some of what he is viewing and he may really get off on that for a while. Eventually though dealing with you gets to be too much of a distraction or hassle. He can quickly go deeply into his fantasy and get himself off using a far stronger grip that you have, far more quickly than you can respond with him. Of course there will be people who argue that this hasn't been the case for them but I suspect that given time there aren't many relationships that stay sexually or emotionally connected and healthy when there is frequent porn use.