Dating Dangers

**WildChild** · 01-04-2011 05:31 PM

This has been brought up rather too agressively but I would like to revisit it. I've talked a couple men I know who are in the category of being good men. They are caring and attentive and just good, and of different generations. Because my curiosity was aroused, I asked them, if they thought that men are reluctant to ask women out because of fear of being charged with harrassement. They both responded, Yes, very strongly. In discussion many of the same things came out, they and men they know are choosing to basically stay home and be frustrated, rather than to try to date. They both knew of men who had an arrangement with a prostitute, rather than to try to develop a relationship with a woman. They expressed fear of being trapped with an "accidental" pregnancy, being used, or finding themselves in legal trouble.

They both expressed that they would not approach a woman who essentially didn't approach them first or even flat out ask them out and that other single men they knew had essentially the same feeling. We talked about the fears that women have of being hurt, abused, or used as a booty call. We also talked about how women who are comfortable with their sexuallity and up front about it but not overtly sexy risk being treated like a ho.

Granted two good men and their friends do not make a definite trend but I'm wondering how common is this? If a significant number of good men and good women are all backing out of dating or trying to form relationships, that increases the chances that the good ones who are still trying will encounter more toxic people. We live in a time of change, the roles that women and men have filled for generations are changing, there are a lot of nasty old ideas still embeded in the culture and a lot of confusion in how to deal with each other now,

My questions are:
Is this a trend?
Are good men reluctant to or have even stopped aproaching women?
Are good women also reluctant to get involved?
Any thoughts on how this can be overcome?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-04-2011 06:10 PM

I definately recall when dating,

1....was looking for his soulmate, but the connection had to be there, not sex

2....Pretented to be younger and used sex as their weapon of entrapment

pfttttt..

2.....Wouldn't get involved purely and only because of their children not being ready yet.

ALL wanted sex..

That's human I get that part

What I mainly saw to be honest was baggage and alot of it..Also, those men mostly had either made bad financial choices, or lost alot of money from their previous marriage breakup and didn't have the "trust" factor in women, so they (me) were never going to get in with a chance, even though I own a house, business....debts equal out so there would be a time factor for my finances to look good, that did attract a few, gold diggers yep in men too....

But that's also an age thing I think WC.... They want it all, security and love and sex....

I think Chef Dude was ready but he also wanted security that being that she is not after his money, as he has a daughter and Divorce isn't done yet...

That's the trend I see, fear of money, not harrasement or jaol but then I'm in Australia and at my age, those men wouldn't be dating youth...

Pregnancy? Probably another fear regardless.... Definately....That's no different here, loads of women search for the catch and deliberately get pregnant.

CW

**CheatConfession** · 01-04-2011 06:33 PM

It's sad to say that times have drastically changed. I is true that men wont approach women with some of these fears in mind. My advice is for everyone. LIGHTEN UP! We live in a crazy world and everyone needs to look out for themselves, but this has been true forever. There is no sense of any of us living in fear, man or woman. Just don't be stupid

**tesoro** · 01-04-2011 08:29 PM

I'm interested in dating some men with integrity, who are thoughtful, mature, active etc. It seems that today women have to analyze their dates very carefully to find out what motivates them and what there goals are.

I've heard of men who are interested in a special relationship with a woman but I don't know how easy it would be to meet them. I haven't started dating since my separation and I don't feel ready yet. But when I do, I don't know what I will find.

If there is a new trend of "good" men staying home due to frustration..then I'm in trouble because I don't know the first thing about the dating scene today. I've been out of it for a very long time.

WC, perhaps this is why internet dating sites are so popular? But how do you know you can trust anything on the web these days? I guess it's just another forum for meeting people whether they are sincere or not.

CW, I am sure that most men are interested in the sex aspect of meeting new women. If the good guys are going to stay home then most of the guys out there will be the distrusting ones. I guess we have to put out what we want to the universe and just have faith that we will attract it.

**rcoreyus** · 01-04-2011 11:06 PM

I think maybe the best way to meet nice men and women is not to go to the usual dating places, but rather find places to do things you enjoy with other people. Running clubs, book clubs, charity organizations, classes, travel, whatever you enjoy.

Then you get to meet people in a non-dating type of relationship and see what they are like and if you like them before you take it further.

Conventional dating does of course work, but you will run into some real duds. First appearances can be deceiving too - people who are good at dating probably have a lot of practice which means they haven't settled down with anyone yet.

**Jim60** · 01-05-2011 07:07 AM

rcoreyus has it right - finding someone interested in some of the things you like is the best way - people whos priority is a relationship per se are more likely to try these things to achieve their aims, but also to settle for less than ideal (they want a relationship!)

Thats not to say it is easy - dating sites are a short cut thats for sure. But if you want to be perfectly safe - don't go out!

The first time I had sex without a condom was with the woman I thought I would marry (co-habited) and we spent several years together so trust existed. The second was the woman I did marry. Several of my friends had cause to wish they had been as careful, but hey, I'm sure they enjoyed the bare backing so I missed out there!

**Laura_P1989** · 01-16-2011 09:02 AM

hi ive got to toatally agree men and women dont trust each other as much anymore as some have had bad experiences with exes. i met my current bf on facebook but we were in contact for weeks before we were introduced at a wedding even at that we didnt go on a proper date for 2 weeks as i had trust issues and wanted to get to know him and have him as a friend first before we started a relationship, now i can say i'm happy i done that we've been seeing each other for 6 months now and would do it that way all over again instead of meeting straight away for a date.

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