why do i feel so lost when it comes to dating?

**thandytheambassador** · 01-17-2011 08:32 AM

so basically ive been in 4 relationships, all of which have left me angry, sad, heartbroken, or confused, and sometimes all, but depending. now, i feel as though i cant be atracted to anyone i choose to date. i always seem to feel awkward and unatracted or even uninterested, like the person is never good enough or i cant find anyone im truly excited and drawn to. i dont like casual relationships and i think men desire that in a way, and i cant stand it when there wimps and cant stand up for any thing. i am a very romantic person and also enjoy sillyness and abilty to share my interests with them, but having them interested too. maybe im much too picky and need to lay off, i dont know. im very confused and frustrated.

tell me your thoughts.

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-17-2011 09:04 AM

I think a person can go through life picky... with a list of pre-requisites of all the things a person must be in order to be the 'perfect' partner... but that would probably be a pretty lonely exsistence as they don't make perfect people, people that are built to order with all the specific bells and whistles fully loaded just right.

You don't have to lower your standards... you just have to be open minded to be as accepting of another person as you would hope they would be to you. The best way to do that is to not have any pre-concieved notions of what your boyfriend HAS to look like, HAS to drive, what music he HAS to like... what movies he HAS to hate.. to be on the same page with you etc.

Its good to have standards, ones that matter like not dating someone thats only after sex, you should not compromise on things that are close to your heart. But keep your standards out of the superficial realm like "must be x feet tall" "must have x amount of income" as that will severely cripple your ability to be open to finding love if you have a laundry list of expectations.

Instead be open to someone that compliments your lifestyle, that gets you, understands you and accepts you... someone that you can get, understand and accept in return... someone that you are attracted to, that is also attracted to you is important... very important... physical attraction is what sparks the interest in someone, getting to know them is what keeps the interest if you guys are well suited to each other.

Meet men in places you wouldn't mind spending a lot of time in, share an interest in.. because more than likely if he is somewhere , its where he will want to be again in the future. Like if you meet a man out a nightlcub, you can't be surprised if thats where he likes to spend his time... its where you met afterall, same for bars etc..

Just allow yourself to have an open mind, while keeping your standards firm, being open to getting to know people, dating to see how you click will open up a lot of opportunities for you to find a guy that you actually like. Don't write people off so fast because they aren't into the same 'scene' as you, etc , you'd be surprised how love can alter your perception of what you thought you'd love in a person vs what you actually do.