Single guy, need female advice...

**caterpillar79** · 02-01-2011 01:35 PM

No amount of girl power or any relationship would take that loneliness away from you unless you learn to be happy on your own. Work on it first. External help will not change anything until you do it yourself. Google David de Angelo's Man Transformation stuff and read about it. Other books are the ones written by Pema Chodron and David Deida, No More Mr Nice Guy, a book by Dr. Robert A. Glover. Reading about the Art of Mastery and The Way of Aikido by George Leonard would also indirectly help you. Look for those materials.

**OregonGirl** · 02-01-2011 10:30 PM

Pshh you can find some pretty sexy and awesome girls by playing video games.

The key is to meet someone who seems like they've got just about everything in common with you.

I met my fiance through playing video games. It was awesome.

**r565** · 02-04-2011 11:59 PM

Originally Posted by groupieindenial

Women like compliments, as long as they sound sincere and genuine. BTW, confidence is sexy as long as it isn't cocky. You don't have to be good looking to get dates/girls. They like charming, confident, funny (but not in the joker kind of way, but more in the witty way), SOCIAL guys. You need to learn to flirt, not overtly, but subtly. It's part of being personable.

Thanks for the comments every one, I'll check out those books. It kind of feels good to vent, can't talk to anyone about this. I feel like if I have no idea how to accomplish the above paragraph. How can I give a sincere compliment to someone I just met and know nothing about? How can I be confident and not cocky? How do I flirt subtly? I don't expect answers because there are no universally correct answers to any of these questions it all depends on the situation and people involved, which is what makes it so frustrating. I generally succeed at whatever I put effort into, except one thing.

**PJhavinfunagain** · 02-05-2011 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by caterpillar79

No amount of girl power or any relationship would take that loneliness away from you unless you learn to be happy on your own. Work on it first. External help will not change anything until you do it yourself.

I can not agree with this more! Being happy with yourself is the #1 most important thing. Live your life for you. Find things that make you happy. Join clubs, volunteer whatever. It will happen when the time is right.

I did not date until I was 21. I had a 2 serious relationships between then and 28. Then someone who had been one of my best friends for 7 years and I realized we loved each other as more than friends. We have now been together for 12 years and married for 10. You just never know...

**r565** · 02-05-2011 04:40 PM

5 reasons why I will disregard the wait and see what happens advice, counterpoint is welcome.

1. According to Maslow, one cannot be completely happy without a loving relationship, it's the third level. Furthermore, sex is on the first level as a most basic survival need.

2. It makes me feel better to do everything in my power to find someone. Depression is terrible. Going out, maintaining online profiles and even chatting here is therapeutic.

3. I know I am awful at first impressions, so I need to work on it. The best way to get good at something is to practice it.

4. My mom has a guy friend from high school who is 60 and has not found anyone yet. I can not end up like him, but I'm already well on my way, I must do something different.

5. It is not that I thought about my loneliness and became sad. I was depressed before I realized why. I couldn't figure out why I felt sick every weekend, but then I realized it was because I was lonely.

**WildChild** · 02-05-2011 05:09 PM

You can get out and get involved in a variety of activities. Volunteer to help out with a local art fair or community fund raiser that draws a lot of visitors. That will get you into a different environment with something purposeful to do and it can be a great way to interact with a lot of different people. Cultivate an interest in people; who they are, what they do, how and why. Ask questions and actually listen.
Ever see the movie Groundhog Day? He starts out as a jerk and ends up as a really desirable man because he keeps working on improving himself and interacting with others in a caring way, he becomes a much happier person in doing so.

**SomiticPit** · 02-06-2011 12:30 AM

I'm a 22 year old woman.

You sound like a nice package: Looks, educations, car, accent, smarts...don't really see anything wrong with you inany of those catgegorys. So stay confident there.
Girls look for confidence, for kindness, for laughter, and FRIENDSHIP! It's usually a must for most girls our age to have a friendship before a relationship. But we also like to be PURSUED. You can't expect girls to come barking up your tree all the time.

Flirtation? Are you good at it? Letting a girl know your interested in getting to know her not just as her friend but as a possible lover means a lot, but never do you want to lay it on too thick, or get all up in her personal space. We like to be pursued, but we enjoy a bit of a chase too. Never cockiness. We want what we can't have! But we like to feel beautiful too.

Eye contact. Not too much, but just enough to hold her attention for a bit, and let her know she has your attention too. But don't stare. Eye contact goes a long way.

Physical contact. Touching a girls hair, maybe a bit of poking or playing around (not too childish) If you touch a girls hip, say as your walking past, that is very noticed. Don't grope squeeze, grab...just lightly to let her know your there and "excuse me please...."

You can meet us anywhere. At clubs, a girl is most likely to think your after one thing and one thing only. At a coffee shop, she probably might think she's about to meet someone who is intellectually stimulating.

**fiestypunkgirl** · 02-06-2011 05:43 PM

Heres my take: most women find men who are easy to talk to irresistable! And odd as it sounds, sometimes it doesnt matter what you look like if you've got that down. I've seen some really unattractive guys get gorgeous women simply because they can go up, talk to them, make them laugh and do it so they dont feel creeped out or like you just want to get in her pants. Its true!

One technique thats been used on me (and it works, BTW) is go up and have a light conversation, then leave. Then, go find her again a little later & chat a bit more, maybe buy her a beer, say hey I didnt get your name, etc etc. Then, repeat. maybe twice. It doesnt feel smothering, overbearing or like you're desperate, theres no awkward silence, or end of converstaion. You'll probably have her intrigued enough to get a number.

So loosen up. If you feel anxious about going up and talking to girls remember: shes just a person, just like you. No better, no worse & theres no need to be intimidated. Focus on the conversation, not what she looks like & you'll be more at ease. I know, there are some really unfriendly chicks out there. But you can usually get a feel just by looking at her body language. If she shuts you down, so what? find someone else to talk to! Find a few good conversation openers & you'll be good to go.

The dancing? yes, yes and YES! Most of us LOVE to dance!! I've searched and searched for a partner who will swing with me. Its hard to find! Most of us are charmed by that.

**jns** · 02-06-2011 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by fiestypunkgirl

The dancing? yes, yes and YES! Most of us LOVE to dance!! I've searched and searched for a partner who will swing with me. Its hard to find! Most of us are charmed by that.

Exactly, and as far as I know, it's been that way forever.