Thread: Is he just not that into me?

He's not a man. he's a user and abuser in my opinon. So glad you walked away...now just stay away, no matter what.....period, done, over!

Perhaps I'm weird, but I've never met a man, and I have a lot of buddies, that didn't "show off" their "new woman" as soon as they have the chance. Everybody is excited to be dating and in a relationship, especially when it's new.

No Show (off) ? Then go (off to someone else) !! He had his shot and he blew it.

I'm so glad that you didn't settle....you can do better !!

Originally Posted by Roadlesstaken

I cried when I told him that it was over. He said nothing. It was a good five minutes before I left. He could have said something. Anything. I had told him weeks ago that I wanted to go out to lunch. I even asked him out for lunch and he made excuses as to why he was busy. My birthday is coming up and I asked him what he was doing that weekend and he said that he didn't know yet and didn't even ask why I was asking. When I told him the reason I was asking about that weekend, he told me that he would have to check the schedule at work. He had told me last week when his days are off and those days I asked about he was off. For his birthday, I bought him a shirt and made him dinner. For Christmas, I bought him two nice gifts. I got nothing. Not a card. Not a gift. Nothing.

I asked him last night where he saw our relationship going. He didn't say anything, so I asked "marriage"? and he said assertively that he wasn't ready to marry me nor anyone else. He didn't say anything after that.

Yeah, with this additional info I'd have to agree with BD that this guy doesn't sound that into you , or anyone... socially awkward would not excuse the lack of thinking of you on your bday or Christmas... he just doesn't seem to be very thoughtful.

I have to ask you though, all things being considered, his lack of showing you that he's thinking of you etc... why would marriage be the next step you'd want to take things with this man? Its a moot point for this situation... but I think it might be something to think about as you venture out into other situations... because if marriage was the direction he was headed with you it sounds like you would be signing right up for that, without any concern for the bits about him not so much as being able to make you a card on your bday.

I just mean I hope that in the future, that you aren't just looking for a husband out of any guy thats willing to take on that role, I hope that you are looking for someone that is caring and loving , that treats you with respect and is thoughtful, fun and compatible to you. I'm not saying thats what you are doing... i was just a bit confused that with out any real indicators from him that he was very thoughtful of you, why you'd even ask him if marriage is where he saw you guys going?

He told me that he loved me a couple of weeks ago and then around the time he asked about for the motorcycle he started talking about living together etc. See I recently came into a lot of money and own my own home. Made the mistake, big mistake, of telling him this. He is heavily into debt because he supposedly would take ex wife on vacations to make her happy. He didn't do squat to make me happy. He was also recently engaged early last year to a woman who dumped him. He says she dumped him for someone else, but I think it could have been because of his behavior. He also said that she proposed to him with one of the motorcycles that he has. That story isn't true because he told me that she financed it and he took over payments when she kicked him out. The same day that he asked for the motorcycle he had told me earlier in the day that she had bought it for him.

He is trying to contact me and wants to be friends. I have had no contact since this morning, but will return some books that I had borrowed. I will just leave them on his doorstep.

He has no close male or female friends which is another red flag. He says that some of his coworkers hate him. Hmm, wonder why.

I just think that he is a jerk to everyone. I do not take his behavior towards me personally. I know I have issues, but I think that he has serious issues with using and abusing people.

Lastly, I have a male friend that has asked me out for dinner on my birthday. He wants to take me to a movie afterward. I accepted and will go have fun.

Its truly a blessing in disguise that he got this other job opportunity... it was a good time for you to reflect on what you had with this man to begin with... and I hope your words you've written... when you re-read them... are as clear to you as they are to all of us reading them. This guy sounds like an insensitive, selfish man... that has used people, and if someone has used someone in the past... there is a good chance, a really good chance ... they will continue down that path. Either people have it in them to take advantage of people or they don't... its really as simple as that sometimes.

There are good eggs and bad eggs in this world... and many many many eggs falling right in the middle where it takes time to figure out if they are truly good or bad, maybe they don't even know .... people grow and change and become better people, but they have to want to, and it sounds like , the more you say about him, that he was all about him -- and you deserve better.

I can say that without even knowing you because everyone deserves to be considered, to have an s.o. that is thoughtful of them, that does things to make them happy, that don't need to check their work schedule before deciding if they are going to celebrate your birthday with you. No. They'd say they'd find a way to make it happen, even if it had to be the night before/after... heck even the week before etc, they wouldn't look for an excuse to not have to make you feel special , they'd find a way to do it, despite work schedules, despite any financial constraints... it cost nothing to write a note, send a thoughtful email, pick some wild flowers or pamper you with a massage etc... but the one thing any of that does take is the desire to do it, which he seemed to be lacking.

Good luck on this new guy, and keep in mind that you don't have to settle for anything less than what makes you happy. Life is too short to spend it pining over someone not worthy of your heartache, and its too long to spend it with someone that makes you feel insignificant.

I say lets take a different approach to the whole "feeling used" thing... Did you enjoy the time you spent with him? was the cooking good? the times you stayed over? I say you used him right back! So you shouldn't feel used, it was a mutual thing. You should just say hey I had a good time while it lasted and move on