Thread: Finding out about Ex-Fiancee, via the interwebs

Beautiful, that would be hilarious and I have considered it in retaliation, but my previous sex experiences are not really worth sharing.


To be really short, I have no interest in any information on his exes.
Longer, I wish he kept most of it to himself other than the fact they exist, but for a long while, he really didn't and it was purely his own doing to talk about. I've heard a load about how pretty much every one of his exes either cheated or "got stolen" by a friend of his. I personally did hear one of his friends did make a quiet joke about having to have someone entice me away.

The parents thing is they have to find something to hate about who I date. They've done this with past relationships of mine, though for different reasons. If you can't shut them up immediately, they think they are correct and push and push until they can wreck the relationship. Unfortunately, in other aspects, my parents tend to be fine and I love them, so I can't just decide not to talk to them. I have told them to drop the subject, but it comes up about once every other month with renewed vigor.
The primary argument they have with me is that I've only ever met his mom (once, but I do have her number and address even if she is a few hundred miles away). He moved in with some of his family shortly after we started dating for convenience with grad school, but according to him and confirmed by his close friends, the rest of the family is nuts and cruel toward any of the children's (his generation) friends or dates. So I've never been to where he lives or met anyone besides his mom, whom I do really like, but having it cleared up as reasoning, I respect it and am fine. He should be moving out in a few weeks when the new job feels solid anyways. My parents would rather I got into a fight over religion (which would happen) and just dealt with the cruel family members, because apparently that's what I'm supposed to do.

However, it is the flat "this is a fact about how I feel" remarks that he puts in a way that encompasses past, present, and future, and then at some point slips and goes "oh yeah. I guess I did do that at least once" or randomly changes his stance. Those are the major headache. Bad memory or not, some of that should not have been on the things he forgot about list.

I suppose in the end, it's less about the finding of the existence of the ex, but more these all-encompassing "facts" which he carries on about, commonly viewpoints that either I feel very strongly about one way or if only because they affect what I think of our general partnership, and then turn out to be false. Riding back from a friend's wedding, which while chaotic and unorganized, was sweet, and somewhat talking about what I thought was nice. Having that met with "well, I think marriage is a stupid institution that goes against biology, and I have never dated or met anyone I had any interest in forming such a relationship with. And if you have any thoughts of it with me, you can forget it because it won't happen". Alright, I felt a little insulted, especially as I felt I had expressed that I would eventually like to have a strong partnership with such a legal backing, even if not right now. To find out about the ex-fiancee then left me feeling rather crushed in comparison to this statement.
I apologize if I sound like a grammar/wording stickler, but there's a major difference between stating that one feels they aren't interested in the idea, which leaves room for having once been, and stating they have never been. Had he stated he had thought about it before but decided otherwise, I wouldn't have an issue at all. But he's made the same statement more than once since the first time around, commonly out of the blue.

That took me way too long to type. XD

Men can be funky talking about past relationships... I never ask my boyfriend of 3 years about his past... I just don't care to know and I know my past relationships are pretty irrelevent to me so I expect the same line of thinking from him. He had mentioned before to me one time that I was his first serious relationship and that made me feel pretty good as he is also my first serious relationship as an adult. Inadvertantly we have crossed pasts with one of his exes and i found out he was with her longer than he has been with me.... i was pretty floored since I didn't expect that, given that he had said I was his first serious relationship.

Upon probing he explained to me that his feelings for her weren't like they are for me, and thats what he meant. Bleah, who knows why they omit things like that. Probably for the same reason some women only count the number of sex partners they've had from RELATIONSHIPs.. and some how forget to add up one night stands , etc lol.

I think the bottom line is men and women will often genuinly forget about someone from their past if they weren't signficant to them, or if they were... but they fought hard to forget their exsistence. They will often leave out or deny talking about people or events that don't shine them in the best light... either to protect you from something that might hurt your feelings or to protect themself from feeling 'judged' by any decision they may have made prior to meeting you.

If i were you I wouldn't sweat this. Had he journaled about his ex while you guys were still together it would concern me.. but it sounds like this is a case of a past ghost popping up that he'd rather have forgotten about. Just move on. Its like him finding some love note you wrote about some guy in 9th grade and feeling betrayed that you never told him of this boyfriend or this note, or way you felt. He may have called her a fiance because they were serious at the time, and maybe he had hopes to marry.. and then when they came crashing down for whatever reason perhaps he decided to wipe that part of history from his mind, therefore making it irrelevent to share with you.