Is he no longer interested?

**Rhysenn** · 02-07-2011 07:02 PM

I need some imput, I've been stressing out over this and I know I'm probably over reacting, but I just need an outside opinion.

I've been dating this guy for a month now and we recently had our first sexual experience together last friday. It didn't exactly end great. To put it simply I gave him a blow job but he was unable to achive an orgasm.
I'm not too concerned over this. Him and I are both fairly inexperienced when it comes to sex so its only natural that there is going to be a few bumbs in the road.

What I'm concerned about is the fact that he's become sort of distant since that day, I just need someone to tell me not to panic, that I'm over analyzing the situation, and that everything is going to be ok.

Ever since we started going out he would text me at least every second day and we would spend the entire day texting back and forth. It's been working great for us because I'm working two jobs and it's dificult for me to find the time to pick up the phone but I can text while I'm working.
Saturday, the day after the failed BJ he didn't message me.
Not a big deal.
But sunday he didn't message me either and we were supposed to go to a movie that night but hadn't really made any solid plans.
So I sent him a message and we confirmed what time we would meet but that was it. No actual conversation.
When we got to the theater we had a good time but we didn't really have a lot of time to talk before the movie started.

And I might have messed up a bit. We had ran into a couple of my friends while we were getting our popcorn and I stepped to the side to have a quick chat with them. It didn't last long, maybe three minutes, but I didn't introduce him to them either. I just wasn't ready for him to meet my friends.
I apologized to him about it and he said it was ok.

After the movie I asked him if he wanted to get a drink since we hadn't really had a chance to talk since Friday. He said no. He had to be up early to pick his brother up from the airport.
But then today still no message from him.
So I send him a text asking if his morning was ok since he had to get up so early and our movie didn't get out until after midnight the night before. All I got was a clipped answer with no room to turn it into a conversation. So I ask him if he wanted to get together sometime this week because I was lucky enough to get my evenings off.
His response was "I dunno, I've kind of got a full load this week in the evenings."
So I tell him to just let me know if he changes his mind.
And that was it.
So I've been fretting all day thinking he's no longer interested in me.

Now maybe I'm paranoid. I've never really dated before, I mean, I've gone on dates, but usually only one or two and then decide that I'm not really into the guy. But this guy I'm actually interested in which is new and exciting for me, I've never been genuinly interested in someone before.
Or maybe I'm being clingy. Maybe I need to back off a bit and give the guy some space.

I don't know.
I just need some input from an unbiased source.
advice?

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-08-2011 04:56 AM

Time to move on.

He has no spine and since he has no spine, he's not man enough to tell you what's going on.

It would be easy to look back at the "failed BJ" or the "coversation with friends over popcorn" as the cause of this whole thing, but don't, as that's not being fair to you.

He sounds to me like he lacks maturity.

Don't fret, just let it go as you'll be better off finding someone who knows how to treat a lady like a lady....

You know what you want and you know how you want to be treated. He's out there. Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find him.

**WildChild** · 02-08-2011 07:13 AM

I have to agree with Seeker. Move on. Quit contacting him. If he was interested he would find the time and energy, especially this early in the relationship. Don't try to analyse it, you will probably never know what is really going on in his head. Just let it go, chalk it up to experience and get out with those freinds.

**Rhysenn** · 02-08-2011 02:19 PM

Wow, that was totally not the answer I was looking for.

But I guess you guys are right. I've had this nagging feeling our relationship was over and I guess I've just been in denial.
The next few days are going to suck, I've never gone through a break up with someone I actually cared about before.

Thanks for the much needed slap in the face, if you guys hadn't been so up front with me I probably would still be sitting here waiting for him to message me.

**sehtx** · 02-09-2011 01:06 AM

He found someone new or maybe a ex, who knows. I'm a guy and have done the exact same thing. Maybe he's gay if he couldn't bust one lol.

Don't go back to him if he tries to hit you up after all this or he'll think he has you on a leash.

**JadedQueen** · 02-09-2011 08:43 AM

He's has a serious lack of communication. Have you asked him straigh up "What's going on with you/us?" often times the direct approach is the best. If you don't ask you won't know and you can only guess and assume. Maybe he's embarassed because he feels like you think less of him because he was unable to reach orgasm? (you know that whole manhood thing). Seriously, if you really like this guy don't you think you should at least try to have a discussion and find out why his attitude has changed? COMMUNICATE... and if you can't communicate with him then in the end the relationship wouldn't have worked anyway because communication is essential to a happy and healthy relationship. GOOD LUCK.

**Rhysenn** · 02-09-2011 04:57 PM

Ok, so I've decided to try talking to him, I mean, I really don't want to lose him so figure I should at least try fixing this before I give up.
I asked him how his week has been going and if everything was ok. He said he's been having a long week and it's been tiring him out. Apparently he's been job hunting cause he's been unemplyed for the past few weeks.
I then asked him if everything was ok with us, that I was feeling like he was distancing himself from me.
That was about two hours ago and I still haven't heard back from him.
Now I know he's been busy today helping his brother move so maybe he doen't have his phone on him right now, but I keep feeling like I'm looking for excuses for why our relationship isn't working.
Either way, if I get a response I'll let you guys know.

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-09-2011 08:34 PM

And when he doesn't communicate with you tomorrow or the next day?

And when he makes something up again...like he was helping a friend move...or his neighbor move? Or his dog, that he doesn't have, ran away?

Any man that is attracted to any woman, will make time to see her. If that is impossible...and I mean impossible...then he will certainly make time to communicate with her. This guy has done neither, at least with you, and yet you're still pursuing him.

Remember, any GOOD relationship is a two way street. You're currently driving on a one way street (IMO).

**sehtx** · 02-11-2011 01:07 AM

At this point, you're trying to hard. He's either going to completely cut off things or feel like he has you on a leash. Just a guys perspective...

**CandyCloud** · 02-12-2011 11:38 AM

Hi Rhysenn,

I think it's best just to let this guy go. He sounds - as other posters have mentioned - very immature. If I were you, I wouldn't waste my time waiting for him to text me. Just cut the strings and let it go, though I know these things are painful. He sounds like a real jerk, if you want my opinion. Things sounded like they were going great up until the BJ and when it didn't go exactly as planned, then he starts distancing himself from you - that's outrageous! A BJ can be a complicated thing, but it's HIS responsibility that he didn't orgasm, not yours. Cut this guy loose. It sounds like he was only out for sexual satisfaction. He isn't worth your time.