I'm a guy and I need help on how to approach women

**phdinphy21** · 02-08-2011 12:04 AM

Hi, my name's Robert. I want to get great advice on how to approach women. I can say I'm pretty confident. If I see a girl who I find attractive I like to approach her. I sometimes have success but most of the times I do not. Please help. I'm 21 and I usually go up to girls at either school or at the mall if I go. I love to be able to be honest about how I feel and be able to attract them. I'm wondering on what I can say next. A question, statement?? My conversation is generally as follows:

Hey excuse me, I'm on my way home but, I think you're just absolutely gorgeous and on top of that you seem really friendly (or however I really feel about them). I just wanted to come up and say hi. So hi, I'm Robert. (Then they reply with their names)
I then sometimes find myself saying something along the lines as:
Listen I think you're very smart as well (or what I actually do think about them) and I'd love to get to know a little bit about you.

After this point however, the following conversation is not as great or as bold. Please help. I really don't want to struggle with women

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-08-2011 03:15 AM

Confidence is one thing, that is the point where you approach...

Your first comments, show that you find them attractive, that can't be defined, as each person is different and some "attractive"women actually don't see that within themselves, you've flattered never the less.

How you can say they seem really friendly when they have not spoken is a flag, but they are still concentrating on being chatted up, no prob with giving a name, it's only a name.

But to add smart? from providing a name? way big red flag, con, not interested in me, pick up, knows nothing about me...

Asking about themselves is after the fact.....

Believe it or not women want sincere and as women we have intuition and it always kicks in.

I don't mind the absolutely gorgerous and I know you probably get this alot, but IDK the colours your wearing, suits you, the walk, just seems you know yourself well...so just wanted to introduce myself, hi (smile) I'm Robert....

So, hope to see you here again, do you come here often? Or will this be it, just that once sighting.....(smile)

You can end it with, on the chance I never get the chance to meet you, the real you, dare to meet here again in a week, in public,over there, for coffee....

That would be my take.

**WildChild** · 02-08-2011 07:33 AM

Why not try to get into some situations where you can actually interact with women before you approach them? Asking a girl out cold isn't too likely to met with success really. School presents more possibilities as you should have classes together and some opportunity to interact more naturally. You can open a discussion about the course, teacher, a project that is due and they casually say, why don't we go get a coffee, or it's about lunch time, want to grab a bite to eat?

Do you participate in any study groups or school activities? Most colleges and universities have tons of stuff you can get involved in that present opportunities to get to know people who share your interests. Then it can be really easy to be chatting a bit and say, "Have you seen the play the campus theater is presenting? Would you like to go?" I bet the student center has movies, speakers, even art shows. It's amazing how few students will plug into some of the offerings. I met Andy Worhol at a university gallery opening of his art. There were tons of people from the community but not many students. Make yourself aware of what is going on and start asking fellow students to go with you. That is so easy when you are in class together. Just as simple as chatting a bit and saying, " There is an interesting sounding presentation Tuesday, want to go check it out? I'll spring for pizza after."

Keep it light and easy and even if you don't get any girls to go, get a freind or two and go to some of this stuff anyway. You never know who you might meet there or what you might learn.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-24-2011 03:37 PM

bumping

**blondegirl82** · 02-27-2011 01:50 AM

As previous posters have said, confidence is key! Just smile and be comfortable with yourself.

**phdinphy21** · 02-27-2011 08:27 AM

Thank you chandler's wish and wild child. I have since followed your advice cha. wish, and I have found you to be right. I guess what I used to say may have seemed like a oral presentation. You know what I was wondering however, I listened to a dating podcast a few weeks back and their guest said that she doesn't like when a guy approaches and mentions her beauty. But I'm wondering, and in my honesty, I would really only approach a girl if I find her attractive, so how can I do it without mentioning her beauty? Please help

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-27-2011 09:25 AM

Saying, "I think you are beautiful !" is often received as something very different than "I find you to be very attractive".

One sounds like a cheesy pick up line and the other sounds more sincere.

I've never met a woman who appreciates cheesy pick up lines. I also have never met a woman who does not appreciate you being sincere from the beginning.

Being sincere (and meaning it) goes a long way with women.

Ladies, please correct me if I am wrong.

**ItsASecret** · 02-27-2011 09:43 AM

I wouldn't open with a comment having to do with 'I was staring at you and I needed to find a way to say that I was so I will say you are pretty'. You need to open with much more casual talk, if a woman is gorgeous she knows it and will be able to smell cheesy guys the second they head for her. If you are at the mall sitting down for lunch and a woman comes to sit down and her bags are falling all over the place clearly having issues then offer to help get them sorted out for her. Then maybe strike up a very brief comment about her clearly having a successful day shopping, if she makes a comment about you then keep the conversation going but lightly. Do not attack with "nice shirt" if she is wearing a low cut top, she will know you are staring at her boobs not the shirt. That type of avoidance will help. If you see her earrings are actually pretty, do not comment if they are the cheap hoop dangles you can pick up at the dollar store, but if they are more family airloom type then comment on them being pretty. Do not put any focus on appearance unless it seems genuine and not directed in a sexual manner (and yes women can tell when a man is making stuff up just to talk to her because he thinks she is a hot piece). Just seem genuine and not overly excited over her appearance if she is quite good looking. She will be getting those stares all day, she is waiting for the one guy to comment that does not push focus on what she looks like and is more concerned what her name is instead.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-27-2011 02:45 PM

I like cha. wish....

Like I said, what you find beautiful another person may not. And, even the lady in question may not see her own beauty, all depends on confidence and confidence is about loving yourself first so other's see your beauty inside and out..

The point I was trying to make was to see the person for who they are, inside, before you see the outside, beauty is as they say skin deep... Then when you've pointed out things that you note on the inside, you can mention the beauty on the outside..

What women really want? Is not to be a sex object, it's not about their looks, it's about the fact they made you laugh, or you listened, or you talked to them about something of interest to them, you weren't trying to pick them up...

CW

**Mighty Grasshopper** · 02-28-2011 05:58 PM

I would agree with what everyone has said. And I have to commend you on even being able to approach in the first place. Most guys don't even go that far. Me included "back in the day".

It truly is all about confidence and making them laugh and talking to them as if you guys already know each other.

Here's a "line" I used. I noticed a girl once and she happened to be chewing gum. So I said to her "hey I couldn't help but notice you chew gum very well!" it was stupid light and funny annd it got a good reaction to enter into more normal questions like "so what you up to etc" and the conversation will flow from there.

If anything its practice for next girl and before you know it you can chat it up with anyone over fairly simple topics.

Good luck!