Why cant i get a girlfriend?

**sehtx** · 02-08-2011 04:35 AM

I figured this is a good place to get some female advice. I'm a 23 yr old good looking guy, I'm skinny but still good looking haha. I have a full time job, my own car, own place, no kids. I plan on going back to college this yr or next. I'm shy at first but not scared to go up and talk to girls or anything like that

I've had sex with at least 100 girls and a lot were one night stands. Lately, I've wanted something serious. I've only had a handful of girlfriends in my life (I was very shy in h.s. and didn't lost my virginity until I was 18). So, I'm guessing me being so desperate for a girl has been clouding my judgement.

In the past 3 months, I've met a few girls. I went on dates with them, talked and texted all day and night, had sex with 1 but they all start blowing me off out of no where. I don't get it, I used to be such an but I've matured a lot in the past few years. I'm a very nice guy when I feel the girl is nice and has respect for herself (like the past few girls). These girls were all in college or had jobs and I was almost in love with one of them. They seemed like real nice girls and we had a lot in common.

I think I'm fiending for a gf so bad that I'm trying to rush into something. Maybe I'm being to nice and to honest about my past? I don't get why they just blow me off and stop talking to me. All my guy friends tell me to stay single and be a player like I've always been. My female friends tell me that I'm young and going to meet so many girls in my life. I just want to know how it feels to have 1 person who's always there for you, I'm tired of being a hoe. Opinions??

**SimplyLovely** · 02-08-2011 05:51 AM

I'm the same age as you are and found myself in the same situation, but I'm a female! Try to put yourself in the shoes of the girl you're trying to be with. What would you think if she told you she has slept with over 100 guys, mostly one night stands? I'm not sure how other women feel about this but whenever I've gone out with a guy who has slept with lots of women and hadn't had any real relationships, it shot up a red flag. I figured "ok, he's one of those guys, the one that will probably cheat on me because he can't or chooses not to stick with one girl" But then I thought about it...and I was doing the same thing! When you say "maybe I'm being too nice and too honest about my past" what do you mean? Are you telling these women on the first date how many other women you've slept with or what? Although I believe honesty is always the best policy, I've realized that sometimes you need to let someone get to know you before telling them your "numbers" so it doesn't cloud their judgement...

**sehtx** · 02-08-2011 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by SimplyLovely

I'm the same age as you are and found myself in the same situation, but I'm a female! Try to put yourself in the shoes of the girl you're trying to be with. What would you think if she told you she has slept with over 100 guys, mostly one night stands? I'm not sure how other women feel about this but whenever I've gone out with a guy who has slept with lots of women and hadn't had any real relationships, it shot up a red flag. I figured "ok, he's one of those guys, the one that will probably cheat on me because he can't or chooses not to stick with one girl" But then I thought about it...and I was doing the same thing! When you say "maybe I'm being too nice and too honest about my past" what do you mean? Are you telling these women on the first date how many other women you've slept with or what? Although I believe honesty is always the best policy, I've realized that sometimes you need to let someone get to know you before telling them your "numbers" so it doesn't cloud their judgement...

I told one of them right away about my past and she didnt seem to mind. I told another one after the 1st date. Maybe I should wait before I tell them all that. Why do girls keep talking to me if they're thinking I'm still a ?? Id feel better if they deleted my number right after I told them that instead of waiting a few weeks. That's why I don't think they're blowing me off because of my history.

**WildChild** · 02-08-2011 12:09 PM

Why do you need to share all this? It's really no one's business how many lovers you've had or for how long. What matters is where you are now. Do get tested and be certain you are clean, beyond that your sexual history is history, don't drag it around with you. Don't try to pretend like you are some vestial virgin but don't be putting it all out on the table for review either.

What do you want now? Going back to school, maybe some evening classes is a good idea, from several standpoints, it will give you more education, an opportunity to meet new people and a sense of moving forward and always improving your life and self - those are all positives when meeting women.

Yes, desperation can be very off putting, so take a deep breath and rein that in. Give it some time, I think you'll get there.

**Lillelu** · 02-08-2011 05:14 PM

If you are really serious about meeting a girl that is going to stick around, DO NOT tell her you have been with so many other women!!! I do not know any women who would say "what a catch, he has been with so many people!" It's kind of the same thing as not talking about an ex to a new girlfriend. If you want a girl to like you for who you are, then be yourself and be honest about most things...but somethings are better left unsaid!! You also said that you text and call these girls all day and night? Maybe you are coming on to strong, most girls like a little bit of a challege! Don't come off like you are an uninterested, but leave a little to the imagination. Women like a man with direction, confidence, and being good in bed is also a plus but I would advise maybe getting to know a girl you really like for a while before you jump into bed with her. That will show her that your in it for alot more than sex. Good luck!

**sehtx** · 02-08-2011 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Why do you need to share all this? It's really no one's business how many lovers you've had or for how long. What matters is where you are now. Do get tested and be certain you are clean, beyond that your sexual history is history, don't drag it around with you. Don't try to pretend like you are some vestial virgin but don't be putting it all out on the table for review either.

What do you want now? Going back to school, maybe some evening classes is a good idea, from several standpoints, it will give you more education, an opportunity to meet new people and a sense of moving forward and always improving your life and self - those are all positives when meeting women.

Yes, desperation can be very off putting, so take a deep breath and rein that in. Give it some time, I think you'll get there.

Well, idk what to tell girls when they ask why I haven't had a gf in so long and only been involved in a few relationships. They kind of figure it out on their own. But, I'm going to stop mention it at all.

Its not that I'm so desperate. I'm a good looking guy that has his together lol. I think it was because I felt a connection with theese girls and I'm not sure why they just blew me off out of no where. If anything, I'm lonely. Lonely, not desperate...

**sehtx** · 02-08-2011 07:30 PM

Originally Posted by Lillelu

If you are really serious about meeting a girl that is going to stick around, DO NOT tell her you have been with so many other women!!! I do not know any women who would say "what a catch, he has been with so many people!" It's kind of the same thing as not talking about an ex to a new girlfriend. If you want a girl to like you for who you are, then be yourself and be honest about most things...but somethings are better left unsaid!! You also said that you text and call these girls all day and night? Maybe you are coming on to strong, most girls like a little bit of a challege! Don't come off like you are an uninterested, but leave a little to the imagination. Women like a man with direction, confidence, and being good in bed is also a plus but I would advise maybe getting to know a girl you really like for a while before you jump into bed with her. That will show her that your in it for alot more than sex. Good luck!

Ok, as of today I'm not bringing up my history with any girls. I guess I was being to honest.

No, no no. I wasn't blowing up their phones like that. I mean they would say good morning and we would text pretty much all day and talk on the phone at night.

Thanks everyone. Maybe I'm being to nice and to honest? That's all I can think of

**WildChild** · 02-08-2011 07:46 PM

I d on't think you are being too nice but you don't need to bare all so to speak right off the bat or ever. Why haven't you had a LTR? Haven't found the right woman at the right time. That simple.

**jns** · 02-08-2011 07:47 PM

sehtx, having had sex with so many girls in so little time probably means that you have became very good at separating yourself from entangling relationships. Maybe some of your reactions that at one time were something you did consciously to create separation are now done unconsciously. These are picked up by the girls you want to have longer relationships with and so the relationships fail. Examine your actions at every juncture when you are interacting with girls and determine how your actions will be received. There are probably some books on the psychology of strong relationships.

You have been with a lot of women, so you have had the chance to polish your skills at pleasing the woman you are with. Did you do that? Do you know how to bring a woman to orgasm by your actions as much as her getting into the mood? If not, try learning how to please women. If you are good at it, I think you will have one fall in love with you.

**sehtx** · 02-08-2011 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

I d on't think you are being too nice but you don't need to bare all so to speak right off the bat or ever. Why haven't you had a LTR? Haven't found the right woman at the right time. That simple.

Honestly, I never wanted a gf until recently. I don't know if I'm growing up or what it is but I'm tired of messing around with random girls