Problems with me.

**rawh_chrissers** · 02-15-2011 06:14 PM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and four months, almost five; it's been going well.
But, I always cause problems. I'm the jealous type, I guess you'd say. But I get jealous whenever he talks to other girls in ways he doesn't talk to me. I guess we don't exactly talk, as in having in-depth conversations. I get jealous when he tells the same girl "good morning" or "hi" everyday. I get jealous over Facebook. This girl posted this thing where it's like "Be the first to comment and I'll change my last name to yours. Second to comment, I'll write 'I love you' on your wall three times..." and there were a couple other things. But he got second. It sort of even bugs me that he'd actually want to have his last name as hers, or to have I love you written to him. I was dreading the "I love you"s, and it made me feel really empty inside when it first happened. He even "like"d it, both times so far, even after I had told him it bugged me. I get sad when he doesn't "like" any of my posts to him, and it makes me sad that he never makes our love public. It's like a secret, except everybody knows about us. What I mean is, he never wants to kiss or hug or even let me rest my head on him in public, like he's ashamed. I know it's not ideal to do things in public, but yet it still bugs me.
I also apologize too much, as he says. I apologize for just about everything. And he hates how I have a low self-esteem and always put things before myself. He wants me to love myself like I love him, and I just don't know how to do that.
This all sounds stupid, I know.
But I can't help it.
It just bothers me, to the point where I even cry about some of these things.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-16-2011 05:17 PM

rawh

The most common threads started on this Forum relate to in-security, which then stems to alot of things, such as mis-matched relationships, settling for someone, thinking your in love and accepting abuse, so there are a million threads created that all have in the background "in-security"..

You know if someone loves you, you can feel it, see it...

You know when you love yourself because your confident...in yourself and happy in all you do.

The truth is, no one belongs to anyone, we have our own identity and should be free to be who ever we are and accepted for that.

And, if a relationship isn't strong enough and one moves on, that's the way it is meant to be, because the compatibility is not right, so accept it, accept the future is always un-known and live your life, day by day, being you, happy and confident and therefore live in the present,stop worrying about the future.

Jealousy creates arguements, arguements on-going creates loss of love and eventually loss of the partner...

In-security in my opinion comes from childhood, not having enough knowledge of life, maybe not being loved enough, maybe parents divorcing whilst a child is young...

It's the want of love, yet when you have it, it becomes the fear of loss.

The first thing you have to do is say, life is what it is whatever will be will be, there is no loss, it means that it wasn't right for me and in that knowing, it makes it more understandable and easier to just feel free to be you.

The second thing is to visit your past, forgive it and let it go, your in your present.

The third is to only associate with positive, and if you have a negative, turn it into a positive and ditch people that bring you down in your life.

And lastly, look in the mirror and see who you are, then look at what your missing or un-happy with about yourself, write a list, the simple things, that you can change over night, change, ie) hair ...The harder ones, pick the most important one and work on that, search for answers on that particular thing, write afirmations " I can do this" and post it everywhere...

When you are a confident person that is happy in herself and realises people come into our life for a reason, not all stay and so be it, then you should be able to be you and therefore not care about other girls.... He wouldn't be with you if he didn't love you....and if that love fades? So be it, he's not the one.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-24-2011 02:47 PM

Bumping..

**stressed** · 02-27-2011 03:46 AM

Well, he can change his status on Facebook to "in a relationship" for a start, whether everybody knows or not. Secondly, how does he react in public if 'you' make a move? Does he pull away?

He sounds a little bit immature in the way he deals with others online, but he also sounds right about him wanting you to love yourself like you love him. You should have confidence in yourself and believe he's with you because he chose to be with you. If he wanted to be with someone else he would have done so.

If he talks to other girls when you're both out you can try to start a conversation with one of the girls, or whoever is there, instead of feel hurt about his behavior.

Try to keep yourself occupied with hobbies you feel you are very good at, in order to raise your self-esteem. Whether you work or study, focus on that and find joy in what you do. It will give you confidence.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-13-2011 12:51 AM

bumping..

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-13-2011 02:59 PM

One thing is certain... he shouldn't be complaining about your lack of confidence while giving it a beating at the same exact time. Its true that your self-esteem HAS to be built by you... but I think he is not helping matters with his little facebook flirts and not giving you the recognition you, as his girlfriend, deserve.

The fact he would like her 'i love you's' after you told him it bothered you shows he is not too concerned with your feelings or is trying to push your buttons. Perhaps he gets a bit of an ego-boost at your jealousy and plays on that to his own peril when he has to deal with your feelings once they are hurt.

A lot of people are not into PDA, but holding your hand, introducing you appropriatly as his girlfriend when you guys are out together... wrapping his arm around you to make you feel loved etc... are not exactly making out a table pda examples... its more... 'i'm in a relationship' behavior that is pretty much expected in any serious relationship.

If I were you I would back off a bit, rather than try to cram yourself down his throat... give him, and yourself, some space. You can't force someone to treat you the way you deserve be treated, the way you want to be treated... once you explain to them what would make you happy, such as recognizing you as his gf, and they fail to do so... you can't will them to be the person you hope they are... all you can do is decide for yourself if your situation is healthy... if this person makes you feel loved and special, or miserable and unsure... and weigh those scales and see which way you spend more of your time feeling.

If you are feeling hurt and dissapointed more often than feeling loved and respected.. its time to re-evaluate if you are matched appropriatly. So again, I'd advise backing off significantly. No more posting on his facebook... no more waiting for his 'approval' with a like... or a comment in return etc... and QUIT reading his page... so you aren't even tempted to compete for his attention, so you don't have to confront feelings of being slighted, etc...

If you call him/ text him everyday , stop. Let him inniciate contact with you, let him inniciate seeing you for a while. If he is into you, he will pursue you... miss you and be excited to spend time with you... and if he isn't... it will show when you pull back some.

Don't just 'pretend' to pull back ... and sit around by your phone. Actually pull back... spend sometime with your friends and family... get involved with a hobby or take up with something you lost time for, like the gym or some sort of exercise (great for feeling better about yourself, and great mood booster of endorphins). Work on creating a happiness for yourself outside of him, leaving him to only add to that... if you center all of your attention on him and he's not doing the same you will always feel like you are being cheated, but in reality , you are cheating yourself.

Don't give to him what he wont give to you... don't respect him any more than the respect he shows.. you can't love a man so hard that they will eventually feel the same way, they do or they don't... they will or they won't so stop putting so much effort in... and let things progress or decay at its natural course.