boyfriend is too dominating..not letting my socialize even a bit

**ayushi daswani14** · 02-17-2011 02:29 AM

hey ..
i feel very stuck with my bf..i love like anything..and have always loved his dominating side too..but now he has just become way too irritating..
HE DOESNT WANT ME ON SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES..
but the sites help me to stay in touch with my friends who are far ..and plus there is a lot of time i fell lonely.. and i have taken a drop from my college and preparing for few important exams so i dont go out much.. partying or meeting lots of people..which has always been a part of my nature.. i always need a huge group of people to hang around with.. all my girls are no longer in my city.. i dont get that girl's hour too..
whenever i say all this he is just not ready to understand.. he takes it offensive..he is like all you want is to socialize.. if u "need" facebook..then what am i.. you want 10 guys to come and talk to you there..i try my best to occupy all the vacant space in your life..still all you need to have a corner of your life away from me..
tell me even if i want that is it wrong..i need some people..some share of time..where he has no influence..what is wrong in that..
if he says he has alwayz seen me as his wife..if i cant find my best friend in my mum or him ..after marriage also i will keep on looking outside and not find it in him or his mom..
where am i wrong..what should i do..??

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-17-2011 02:48 AM

You know men can get in-secure and think they will lose a woman as much as a woman gets in-secure over her man talking on facebook to other woman...

My concern is talking about you being his wife and if I am right, suggesting he's your best friend not your Mum.

That's controlling, very...

You have a right to be you...And as long as you respect your relationship then there should be trust.

Is he suggesting he's your best friend not your Mum, is he, would he try to stop you talking to her?

He sounds in-secure and also controlling..

Facebook is an outlet, to talk about how you feel and have your friends comment. Nothing to do with possible relationships so tell him that and maybe you need to re-assure him more of your love and talk about relationships need trust.

However, if he is controlling? You need to view that seriously.

CW

**ayushi daswani14** · 02-17-2011 03:05 AM

he feels he is sharing me with other people.. he agrees he is way too possessive and he has always been the same so..why am i creating an issue now.. and i know he was possessive always..but he never used to force his decisions on me.. he feels why am i fighting so much ..its just a networking site..if you love me.. then why cant you just leave it for me..he thinks i am choosing my socializing and facebooking over him..he says if you feel lonely..go find your best friend in me or your mum.. why outside..but then i have always been this kinds.. even when we were together in school ..i had countless friends..i was a total social butterfly..but now when i dond find the same atmosphere again.. i see facebook as an option.. he always knew am the kinds who with a family needed 10 other people to just chill out with.. and i dont wanna change a bit of me anymore..

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-17-2011 03:20 AM

You don't have to it's your choice.

He's in-secure his words are in-correct your Mum is your Mum, his, too a Mum older. Someone wise to talk to about other things, socialising is mixing with same age group, try that on him and tell him you understand he's possessive always have but quit it, I'm yours you've nothing to fear so stop trying to change the girl you met...

Where do you think his in-security comes from?

Talk to him about that and about trust and love....lay it out and be strong.you don't have to change for anyone they have to get a grip or loose what they have because you can't and I repeat CAN'T and shouldn't change you.

CW

**WildChild** · 02-17-2011 07:55 AM

People who have many friends and people they interact with are generally healthier both physically and emotionally. He is your lover and boy friend not your be all end all. It will drain your spirit if you limit yourself to him and your mother only. That is ridiculous, controlling and unhealthy.

I do encourage you to get out with real people as much as you can. Staying in touch through things like FB is great but don't let it take the place of actual face to face interaction.

**rcoreyus** · 02-17-2011 08:34 AM

I am made uneasy when someone tries to cut their SO's social ties - it is frequently associated with abusive behavior. The abuser makes sure that his/her victim has no where else to turn, no other contacts before they start to behave badly. I don't think this is even a plan - just part of the natural progression of abuse.

I'm NOT saying that his is or will be abusive, but it is a worrying sign. I don't think people should ever be asked to cut contact with their friends for the sake of a relationship.

**Thomas Hepburn** · 02-17-2011 12:10 PM

If he's dominating now, he'll only get worse! Start breaking free or you will feel strangled all your life and regret it. You must tell him that you need more space or the relationship will end. Set new boundaries of where you want to be, and he must accept (or course, he can do the same) Be firm or pay the price ! x

**fiestypunkgirl** · 02-20-2011 10:23 PM

I have to agree with rcoreyus, its a warning sign you should pay attention to. Maybe hes far from abusive but just observe. I speak from experience. My ex husband was abusive. This was the first step with him, I was cut off from all my friends & family. we moved out of state & I had no one. Thats when the abuse started & I had no where to go. What was I supposed to do? to make the situation even worse we had a baby together. I wasnt "allowed" to go out or see friends or family, because someone had to be responsible & take care of things.

I totally am not saying, either, that this is your fate. It for sure sounds like hes insecure if nothing else. But please dont change you! Stay true to yourself and dont cut them out. EVERYONE needs friends!! its a huge piece of who you are.

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-21-2011 06:23 AM

Take a good, long, hard look at where you are right now. Is that what you want for yourself? Do you like being controlled?

Chances are pretty good that it's not going to get better and could get worse. Is that what you want?

Life is nothing more than a series of choices...so make good ones...for you.

**Mighty Grasshopper** · 02-21-2011 06:08 PM

I have to agree with everyone's feedback. there's an entire world out there of men who are awesome and also let you have the freedom to have friends, hang out with girls or fellow guy friends, go on facebook, etc. don't miss out!