Thread: HELP all MEN.

I'm a female... but I find it strange that he can feel he loves you without being 'in love' when typically... the in-love feelings come before the pure 'love' feelings... unless a couple were close friends or something before bumping things up a notch... what i mean by that is usually people define being in-love as being smitten, those crush like feelings, that chemical reaction you get when the person holds you close... the heat... and i've always known people to define love as that unconditional emotion, the one that rubs your tummy when you are sick, that is there for you always... that deep intense, unchanging thing.

But maybe his definitions are different... so maybe you should ask him what being 'in-love' means to him, and what 'love means to him... because it really doesn't matter to anyone but you how he feels... so it should come from a place thats honest... labels arent as important as what they mean to the person placing them.

As for the remarks in front of the other guys... thats typical male behavior...wanting to impress the guys, letting it be known that he's getting lucky with the lovely lady lena. He's marking his 'territory' which could mean he's into you, or it could just be about showing off.

Whats more important than any of the labels or the things he does in front of guys is how he makes you feel and how he treats you... do you feel special when you are with him? Does he do the little things that show he's been thinking about you, and that he cares about your happiness? Men show love in many different ways but some of the biggies are: Letting the people closest to him (family & friends) know about you, wanting you to meet them so that he could share them with you and vice versa, caring about your well-being... making sure you get home okay, making sure you are always warm and comfortable , fed and all around okay... doing little nice things for you to make your life easier... maybe going and starting your car in the cold, etc... some guys show their love with words and some with actions -- what do his actions say?

Male - I don't get the "loves you" but not "in love" with you. Huh? I'm "all in" with my current SO and was the same with previous relationships. I also don't understand the comments that relate to your physical activities. Sounds a bit immature and/or insecure if you ask me, but IF they don't bother you, then to each their own.

I have to agree with HD above too, talk is cheap or immature/insecure, actions speak louder than words.

Hope Less Dork Your certianly sound like one mature gal. All you said would have been what I would have said. Imazing how we see things in a different light when it's aobut US. lol He's wonderful in so many ways. I personally think all the other he may ahve been with Fall all over him and I'm not that kidn (anymore). A bitter sweet reason, I lost my last Bf to a massive heart attack at the age of 52. 3 and half years ago. Due to the horrific pain I went thourhg, I'm not so fast to throw the love word around. It's not that I dont' love this man becuase I do, I jsut can't let my guard dwon so quickly. Losing my last BF CHANGED me and no matter hwo I roll the dice---I'll never be the same again. I feel like he is "In" love with me but very afraid to be venerable as I am. BUT, (I guess) for the first tiem in my life---I'm being a Btich BUT """NOT""" intentually. He's come to my work about 3 times for lunch and never ever hestistates to kiss in front of alot of people. Fro me I guess I'm jsut trying to stay in the moment, one day at a time. It jsut kind of made me wonder why he alwasy makes sureother men KNOW we are physical. Your advice was well taken and I thank you so much for sharing it with me. Oh and he slipped and through out the marriage word. Yikkkes I thought lol and He did'tn say intentionally, I coudl tell he slipped and was surprised. lol either way he has alot to prove to me, I can't get hurt again,... Not right now anyway. So, our physical relationship is awesome and I'm finaly old enough to say,... lol I'm a grown woman and I have just "SEX" if I'd like too. lol lol lol Athough it sure does feel liek making love to me and I think it's visa versa. OH, he just could yet another BS artist. I have alot to offer, Job, security etc.... So, I'll continue to be bit weary, but enjoy the ride whiel I'm taking it. Thanks again. Hopeless Dork. P.S. Why did you choose such and ID? Just wondering.

Thanks Seeker Advice. I'm feeling like he's insecure. I msut say, I did wonder was he making these comments because,... He trying to make a point like Ie: I'm NOT Gay! I know you both must be thinking WHERE the did that come from. Well, He doe'snt act Gay, look gay, none of the above, but He does have two guys that live in his appartment complex that are and he's friends with them. Driking buddies more so. He swears to me he had never been with a man in any way shape or form. I beleive him becuase he does seem to enjoy the female anatomy. lol

Originally Posted by LadyLena

Thanks Seeker Advice. I'm feeling like he's insecure. I msut say, I did wonder was he making these comments because,... He trying to make a point like Ie: I'm NOT Gay! I know you both must be thinking WHERE the did that come from. Well, He doe'snt act Gay, look gay, none of the above, but He does have two guys that live in his appartment complex that are and he's friends with them. Driking buddies more so. He swears to me he had never been with a man in any way shape or form. I beleive him becuase he does seem to enjoy the female anatomy. lol

O.K. I did something worun here I wanted to add to my psot but did'tn let me edit,....anyway, Seeker advice. His comments DO bother a bit.

If anything he says or does bothers you, then let him kow about it. Mybe not the second that it happens, like in front of his buddies, but later when you two are alone. Tell him what he said or did earlier in the evening or during the day, etc. bothered you and it bothered you because.... Don't ALLOW him to be disrespectful or put you in situations that you are not comfortable or allow things to be said or done that you do not care for.

Inappropriate actions or behavior, from either side, need to be corrected as soon after they occur as possible. DO NOT let 'little things" like this happen without saying something about them.

Thanks a bunch Seeker Advice. I'll be going out with him tonight and maybe over dinner, I'll mention it. thanks so much for all your help.

Hi LadyLena,
Here's my take on it from what you've described. And as a male, I'll try to be as openly frank(not rude) about it as possible. First, he likes you. I mean he probably really, really, likes you and likes being with you. Secondly, he doesn't want to lose you or lose what you provide be it physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, or whatever else. Thirdly, and this is the somewhat difficult part, he most likely does not want more from you or your "relationship" than he is getting or you are giving. In other words, he's not gonna say "I love you/I want you/Let's move to the next level," like I assume you probably want. It most likely could be that he feels you're either not everthing he wants in that type of relationship or at least he's not willing to "settle" for all that you have to offer. Now please understand, I don't know anything about you so please don't do a negative self-analyzation. I bet you're pretty awesome and a great catch for some lucky guy. And anyone, including your current guy is probably lucky to have you. But your current guy does not see it that way. And.....he probably never will. Now, none of this is a problem unless it's a problem for YOU. If you don't want more then you're both equally yoked and to that I say congrats and best of luck. If it is a problem then you can do one of three things:
1. Be prepared to leave this relationship because he cannot give you what you want/need out of it. AND THEN LEAVE. or
2. Ask him if, accept his honestly for what it is, be content in the fact you know where you stand with him, AND SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU HAVE, or
3. Have solace in the fact you've got a good basis to be on a better relationship with someone else, and bide your time until it comes along, which my friend, appears to be the same thing he's doing with you. Best of Luck.