My boyfriend is BI... how do i cope?!

**jessica-rabbit** · 02-23-2011 05:15 AM

hello all...

I have been seeing my24 year old boyfriend for just under a year...
about 3 month into the relationship we were discussing sexual things we had done and hed mentioned he had experimented with men, but it was years ago n he was very very drunk and it didnt mean anything and he was adiment that he wasnt gay... from this moment i was dubious, but i just put it to the back of my head...
Every so often after that he had gave me hints for example he wanted to see another man have sex with me and join in at the end etc, and a month ago he was very drunk and i randomly got a message sayingh would you still love me if i was gay? i got extremely upset about this but in the morning we talked and he said it was the booze talking.
After a few discussions he as finally admited to me that he is bisexual, but he never wants a relationship with a man and he only wants me...
i am finding this extremely hard to deal with, i have had trouble trusting him in the past as i have seen flirty emails to other women that he as managed to get his self out of.
also last nite i found emails he had been sending to a girl he knows where he claims "he bats for both sides" and then saying he wishes every one knew... he then follows by saying he has a girlfriend but asks her to go for a drink sometime.

i am totally and utterly confused, is he gay and not just come out yet?
or is he some kind of sexual deviant who cannot be trusted and will get with anyone or anything...
am i stupid to trust him?

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-23-2011 06:54 AM

Wow! A lot to digest here...

Alcohol is known as the "truth serum", so when people claim "it was the booze talking", what they actually mean is that it was the booze that enabled them to be truthful (IMO).

Trust is and will be HUGE. Regardless, you now know that you MUST protect yourself from all things by using condoms.

I don't think he's gay, based on what you've shared, I do think he's bisexual.

I don't know if you're stupid to trust him...as I don't think you can trust him at this point.

There is a lot to work through IF you're even interested in doing so. I would advise the input of a professional in your area who specializes in sexual related issues.

CONDOMS, CONDOMS, CONDOMS If you engage in ANY sexual activity at all.

Please protect yourself.

**rcoreyus** · 02-23-2011 08:31 AM

Bisexuals do not NEED to have other partners any more than straight people do. So I think there are 2 issues here. He is interested in other men - I don't see any problem with him being interested, same as if here (like most men) were interested in other women.

The bigger issue is that it sounds like he wants to act on those interests. If this isn't OK with you (and it would NOT be OK with most women), then you need to make it clear, and if that isn't an acceptable arrangement for him, then you need to split up.

In discussing it with him, I don't think the bisexuality is the issue, it is his desire to sleep with other people (of any gender) that is .

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-23-2011 02:20 PM

Only a few weeks into the relationship he opened up and shared a secret, mainly to see whether or not you were a certain "type" that being one that was carefree about it..

Then he progresses to talk about watching a man with you in bed and join in, a fantasy that more than likely he's already acted out before, remembering he already played one card 3 months into the relationship.

He blammed alcohol as the reason way back then, then blammed it again, on telling you he really was gay..

He flirts with women and again, opens up to them, telling them he's bi, asking her for a drink, telling her he has a girlfriend, being straight forward would / will this woman bite? Care? Testing the water as he did with you?

He's definately still in the playing batchelor mode, regardless of which sex he is interested in and he's also very much into experimenting with both sexes, preferably together with a "mate" ...

If your not into all of that, and want exclusivity, then un-fortunately you're with the wrong partner.

CW

**aholt3984** · 03-09-2011 08:05 PM

My ex-boyfriend told me about a year into our relationship that he didnt know if he was gay or bi. Me being stupid said that I would wait while he figured it out.. After 3 years of living together and sleeping in the same bed we never once had sex, or really even messed around. I found gay porn on the computer and in his dresser and a dating site on the computer that had chat that popped up one day while I was on the computer. I broke up with him about a month ago, (not because of that reason) and now everyone that I talk to says he is gay and doesnt know it. Part of me wants to beleive that he is not gay and part of me wants to beleive he is. HELP PLEASE!

**generallly confused** · 03-09-2011 08:50 PM

hi there, i am going through this painful experience myself. The only difference is that my boyfriend is not exactly being open and honest of his sexuality.. i am troubled as i have found messages on his phone from other gay men and have found him emailing men on craigslist... i do love him but do not wish to be hurt, lied to and taken advantage of especially in the interest of my emotional health along with my own personal health ie if he is having sex with others... I am confused as he keeps telling me he loves me and begs me not to leave... we have been together for 2 years and today i just told him i needed my own space to figure out my thoughts of all the lies deception and hurt that i am feeling... any advice

**WildChild** · 03-09-2011 11:20 PM

Sounds like you are the closet door.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-13-2011 02:41 PM

Girls,

If you are sleeping next to a man that claims to be your boyfriend, but has no sexual desire, interest in you, gives you hints, or you find clues, then you are a cover unfortunately, to his true self, that he wishes to hide from the world.

The saving grace, is your youth is on your side, if a man doesn't make love to you, (not sex) but love, walk out that door otherwise, you will as you have been, be trapped in the belief of love with no intimacy, in a sexless relationship for the wrong reasons when you deserve so much more.

CW