Thread: I think I'm the one ruining the relationship?

It's as if I can't forgive myself for being so stupid, nor let go of the past. It's always coming up in fights, like if we are fighting I will say something about oh, go be with your ex or something like that. He says that he is tired of it and if I can't change & let go of the past, he will leave me. I can't just break up with him because we have been doing ok & trying to work on the relationship

You are not stupid, he is, for entering a relationship before he was ready to commit to one... He decided to have a girlfriend, you. He choose to continue to think about his ex, and continue viewing other women, any woman...I believe it's called, "can't get over my ex".

However, your suggesting if I am correct that this occured at the beginning of your relationship for around 10 months? But, you've been together for two and a half years? And you say he stopped was that 10 months into the relationship? If so, that's a lot of time between..

If he has been faithful for nearly two years, then you have to view that and realise it was a simple thing. He wasn't at the time that he met you ready to move on however, he saw something in you that made him make you his girlfriend and he continued with that for the past two and a half years and over that time he's become exclusive with you, if that is the case..

That means that he's over his "can't forget the ex" that's why he even contacted other ex's.

Apart from the fighting when you feel in-secure, do you both laugh? Do you both have a good sex life (pending age)...

Realise 1) No your not ruining it, although you choose to stay knowing what he did, therefore, you can't fight over it with him.

And, 2) People deal with breakups differently but it appears that,that is now over, so if that's the case you have to now learn to trust him.

You know cinbuns, if he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't have stayed himself for two and a half years huh.

Remember also, we don't "own" the person we are with.. We hope for a future with them and in that, we have to create it, with love, trust, honesty and forgiveness.... If something happens again down the track? You put your 100% into the relationship, so you can hold your head high and know that you know what constitutes a relationship and that your better for it and a better person therefore, he didn't deserve you and someone else out there will appreciate you more, his loss.

CW