Sudden Change in Boyfriends Mom!

**Shelly1225** · 02-28-2011 08:41 PM

I've been dating a man for over 4 years. We are both past 50. In the beginning his mother loved me! He was transferred back to his home state 1 year ago where she lives and something has changed. He and I have been able to move forward with our relationship in a very positive way even though 500 miles now separates us. In the beginning she was encouraging me to visit often but now she makes me feel uncomfortable every time I visit. My guess is that perhaps she is jealous and afraid he will move away again. Seems like the main problems started when he purchased a house and I started changing things she had done. I make sure I spend a night or two with her every time I visit. They do not live in the same town. She is over 80 but is a very dynamic and strong woman but lonely I think. He is aware that she can "meddle" and does not discuss our personal lives with her. Just feeling a bit perplexed about how to make her feel more secure in the knowledge that I respect and care for her and that I don't want to take her son away but I'm getting tired of the little snipes here and ther.

**WildChild** · 03-01-2011 12:07 AM

Some elders do get the idea that they can just put out into the world anything that pops into their heads. My grandmother started doing this at about this age. Wow did she get pithy! I think you it would be a good idea to pick up some good coffee or tea and some nice pastry or fruit and inviter her to sit down and have a chat. Tell her that you feel her attitude toward you has changed, that it is hurtful and you would like to know why. She's has many years on the planet, she knows life and she should be able to recognize what she is doing. Keep it as positive as you can.

You may well be right that she is lonely. This is a time when she has probably seen many freinds die and perhaps her own abiltiy to get out and about diminish somewhat. Encourage her to get out with freinds, to the senior center, to activites she might enjoy and not just with elderly people. If there are some challenges with that perhaps you can help make arrangements for transportation, I know my community has special local shuttle buses that get a lot of use by the older people.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-01-2011 03:32 PM

He's back closer to her now, he's all she needs, her son, she's 80 and she knows she hasn't long to go...Family becomes more important than anything in the World at that age, I'm sure she's just changing her focus..

She also would be worried, she believes she's set him up nicely with the way life is, things around the house but someone is changing that, will that person make him happy, or change him

You just need to make her feel safe that you love her son and will always be there for him, look after him, and maybe together in her presense really show your love for each other so she can see..

CW