Thread: Why do guys always target me sexually?

Originally Posted by stressed

Maybe you telling them you are a virgin too soon is perceived by them as you wanting to "change that" and indirectly offer them sex? As, if you're having casual conversations with guys you hardly know, mentioning you are a virgin can set there mind on a different level even if they want to learn about you before suggesting sex.

You don't have to tell them unless you want to, when you want to It's easy to blame the world for a repeatedly observed behavior (and maybe the world 'is' to blame!), but pay attention to your own patterns and see if you can reduce occasions of this behavior (since it's unwanted by you). You shouldn't feel guilty about it, we all change, learn, adjust to make our lives better. Since it's something that bothers you, see what 'you' can do about it.

My advice is, if you don't want men to think about having casual sex with you, don't mention sex and don't tell them you're a virgin before you know these guys better. Telling them you are a virgin is a direct link to your sexual life, which you don't have to tell anyone about unless you're considering a relationship with him.

Usually when I tell them I'm a virgin, I also tell them I don't want to have sex. So I'm telling them because I want them to understand that I want a relationship and not sex, hoping they'd understand. Well, I've only told one guy that I was a virgin and ask if he could understand that I didn't want sex in our relationship, he agreed but still tried to pressure me for sex. Most other guys actually found out without me telling them myself, I don't know how...And thanks, I guess now I've learn my lesson.

Where and how are you meeting they guys? Maybe you are unintentionally selecting men who are looking for sex not long term relationships?

My advice is, if you don't want men to think about having casual sex with you, don't mention sex and don't tell them you're a virgin before you know these guys better. Telling them you are a virgin is a direct link to your sexual life, which you don't have to tell anyone about unless you're considering a relationship with him.

Stressed, I was wondering about that. Sometimes we mention things too early when getting to know someone.

It's nobody's business for people to know whether you're a virgin or not. If a guy asks you such a question when you first meet them, say that's not appropriate or you don't want to talk about it.

Boundaries and assertiveness are a hard thing to learn, but experience is what teaches you. In my opinion, I think guys that mention sex too much in the early dating stages is a red flag.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Where and how are you meeting they guys? Maybe you are unintentionally selecting men who are looking for sex not long term relationships?

Usually they are guys I go to school with because I don't go many places. And maybe you're right, maybe thats what it is.

Originally Posted by PaneraBread

Stressed, I was wondering about that. Sometimes we mention things too early when getting to know someone.

It's nobody's business for people to know whether you're a virgin or not. If a guy asks you such a question when you first meet them, say that's not appropriate or you don't want to talk about it.

Boundaries and assertiveness are a hard thing to learn, but experience is what teaches you. In my opinion, I think guys that mention sex too much in the early dating stages is a red flag.

Yea, I think thats a red flag too, which is why I stopped talking to one guy that did that.

I also wouldn't tell anyone my sexual history right up front. But I would set Boundaries on dates. Most first dates people talk and get to know each other. ( unless it's at a Club or Bar or Party where there is drinking going on ).

If asked out, let them know you want a public place to meet, Museum, Art show, Concert, Dinner at a nice restaurant, Movie date ETC .
Talk about Hobie's, interests and what you have for goals in the future. His and yours.
If Sex comes up, verbally or physically .. Making out at the end of the date that gets a bit out of hand or uncomfortable...

Just explain that you are looking for a long term loving relationship and you have so far saved yourself for your Wedding night. You believe making Love is part of a Shared Love and Commitment. Not just something to Practice or do at whim.

If you date him again ( because you are a Challenge to him , A Woman that said No ? ) Just ask him if he brought the Ring ? Lol.

If he likes you and you like him and see each other again, make sure he understands that you are not a " Player" but you are searching for the Special Man that you can Give that Special part of you to.
If he is a respectful and decent man and truly interested in getting to know you he will be intrigued to know you better and learn if you two are a match.

A Note * Dress nice, not Provocative, Act the same, Learn what Actions or Words are a Green Light to Men.

Don't send Mixed Signals, Don't Dress with( all but the clothing on )that show's your Womanly assets. You can show and accentuate your Beauty in Dignity.

If you Dance or are Cuddly or Affectionate , keeping the respectful Virgin that you are, Don't be or act like a Gal from the " Bad Girls Club ".

You will find your Man... Someday... But take your time. Be proud of who and what you are and if looking for that Match to your Soul,,
Go to places that are not looking for a Romp or one Niter.