I looked at his texts

**Endurance** · 03-08-2011 10:35 PM

I messed up. The other day while I was at my guy's house my phone was dead, so I picked his up to look up an address that I had texted to him the day before. While I was going to that message though I saw the first line of a text from another girl. He wasn't in the room, so I opened it. I know I shouldn't have, it was a completely selfish thing to do, and I didn't even think he had anything to hide. I was wrong though. The girl had sent him nude pictures of herself, and he was asking for more.

While he drove me home, I told him what I had done. At first he acted dumb, but then I told him to knock it off and he told me it was not what I thought. He stayed calm, saying he was upset that I looked at it because he doesn't like having his stuff messed with and because now I only have bits and pieces of what was going on, no context. He told me who the girl was and that she meant nothing to him. Apparently she's going through a tough divorce, so he had been nice to her and she jumped on all of the attention.

Ok, I'm a really understanding person, and usually pretty secure, so I wouldn't be upset to find out that someone was hitting on him. He's a charmer. But I'm no idiot. Girls don't just send nude pictures of themselves uninvited. Granted, I've only known this guy for 6 months and we still aren't "official," so he could have dated someone else openly had he wanted to--but the night before I found these texts he was telling me that I'm the only one he's dating. He said he doesn't care about this girl like he does about me, and he was only trying to be nice (how sacrificial of him! ;-)) He said they'd never been physical, not even hugged. I believe that.

We talked for awhile about all this, but he wouldn't say he forgave me. Today he ignored me all together, and I don't know what to think. Is he just looking for a way out? Or did I really mess up that bad? I don't know who's at fault anymore...or where to start a conversation that might actually fix this.

**WildChild** · 03-08-2011 11:49 PM

Ummm, lets see, he is texting and soliciting another woman to send him nude picks and you want to be forgiven for finding out? He is giving you the cold shoulder? You aren't "official".

Get busy, go have some fun. Don't contact him in any way. Let him wonder a bit and do some thinking. If he wants a relationship you'll find out but don't hold your breath or hover over the phone waiting for a call or text. Call your gfs and go to a movie, give yourself a pedicure, buy yourself some flowers, make yourself special to you.

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-09-2011 05:43 AM

A man's perspective...

You're kidding right? Every female I've ever met just freely sends nude pictures of themselves randomly without being asked! Yeah, sure....

I wonder what he tells the other woman about you when he's boinking her? You weren't in a committed relationship after six months and I get that, to each their own, so that's all the more reason to be honest with you.

You are dating and he can't be honest with you? Imagine what might happen should you get in a relationship that is exclusive?

Guys tend to show their true colors early on in the dating process. He's shown you his... Is that what you want?

Move on...

**Beautiful Disaster** · 03-09-2011 06:48 AM

Amen to what SA said. Forget about the fact that you looked....perhaps it was your instincts telling you something was wrong. Be thankful you saw what you did, which is WELL enough at this point in a relationship to be done with him.

Yep, we tend to put our best foot forward in the dating process. If this is his best foot, I don't want to know what things would be like down the road.

**Tod121** · 03-09-2011 10:13 AM

I agree with the advice you have been given so far. This bloke appears to be pulling the wool over your eyes or may be there is an element of truth behind what he is saying if the other "naked" girl is a bunny boiler and just latched onto him and he is finding it hard to shake her off but my money is on him still playing the field. Each to their own BUT why are you not an item after 6 months!? I would agree to leave him well alone, get your own life back without him maybe then you will both have a clearer idea if you are meant to be together or not but Id move on if I were you.

**Endurance** · 03-09-2011 05:12 PM

Thank you all for the feedback. I know you're right, I just had to hear it. I still haven't heard from him today, so I am going to focus on me and move on like you said. If he wants to continue seeing me, he can prove it.

**WildChild** · 03-09-2011 07:06 PM

Remember, Proving it takes a lot more that a phone call, text or posting on facebook.

**caterpillar79** · 03-09-2011 07:13 PM

Originally Posted by Endurance

Thank you all for the feedback. I know you're right, I just had to hear it. I still haven't heard from him today, so I am going to focus on me and move on like you said. If he wants to continue seeing me, he can prove it.

That's a secure and confident girl right there! Cut communications with him and move on. If he really wants to prove himself, he will make a way to jump through the hoops.

**spanishfly** · 03-09-2011 10:06 PM

I dont think you should be worried about him forgiving you, he sound like a player to mer, he is telling you excuses for pitures of her in his phojne, it not ok, and you should put up with it or stick around, especially i you guys are not official, i been there an done that, believed the lies and fell for it and was hurt in the end, so you should just find some one better honey, trust me he is out ther, no one deserves a player