He forgot our first date! should I give him a 2nd chance?

**Daniela73** · 03-09-2011 02:05 AM

Hi,

I meet this guy in a club. He was so interested in me and we danced/ talked the whole night. He walked me home (and took my hand) and we kissed good-night at my door (he wanted to come inside but I said wait with intimacy when I meet a new guy - he said he was positively impressed)

The next days we had contact by TXT, chat, and became friends on Facebook. He wanted to meet me again but then we both got the flu and were very sick for a week (in which time we had a lot of contact)

When the flu was over, we chatted one Saturday night and agreed to meet again on Tuesday. We didn´t have any contact on Sunday but on Monday when we chatted on FB it came out that he was going to ski with a friend on Tuesday after work. He had forgotten our date compleatly! He even didn´t remember what we were planning to do. But he said he will made it. He will first go skiing, which would take one hour, and then he will come to me. I was so pissed off that I said it was better to take it another day.

I was also shocked that he didn´t apologize, just said "I forgot it and double-booked me". Next day, Wednesday, he sent me a txt where he said that he was near my place and wanted to drop by to say hello. I said I was buisy. Then I deleted him from my FB. After 5 days he sendt me an email asking if he had missed his chance with me, and I answered him polite but clearly that I really liked him but that I was dissapointed and didn´t want to meet him anymore.

One month has passed since we met at the club, and yesterday he sent me a sweet txt just aking how I am and that he was sorry we never got to know each other.

Should I give him a 2nd chance?

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-09-2011 05:12 AM

You've told him how you feel..."I was dissapointed and didn´t want to meet him anymore." So what's the problem?

Was this said out of anger/frustration and did you not mean it? Or did you really mean it and now are reconsidering for some reason?

Men are animals of action and our actions speak louder than our words. Clearly this guy blew it. He knows it, you know it and now he's trying to undo what already has been done.

I think he showed you what type of guy he really is....one who puts his buddies ahead of you...is that what you want?

Move on...this guy had his chance and he blew it.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 03-09-2011 06:56 AM

When you meet someone new, someone that you are very interested in, you get butterflies, excitement, nerves, etc. I believe the fact that he "forgot" plans he made with you, should tell you that "he's just not that into you" and was looking for something differently than you were. This, combined with him asking to come to your place on the first night you met is a pretty good indicator to me that this guy is more focused on sex than on you as a person, you as a potential mate, etc.

If he TRULY was just such an aloof guy (which would be a red flag anyway) that he did actually "forget" the plans he made with you, then he would have felt so horribly about it that he would've been bending over backwards to try to make it up to you........IF he was truly interested in you as a person. He didn't. He may be a good guy 10 years down the road...but right now he's immature and selfish and I think you are doing the right thing by not allowing him into your life.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-09-2011 08:31 AM

To be honest, if he was into you -- he wouldn't have even had to write your date down. Tuesday would have been a day he looked forward to with anticipation... not thrown back so far in his mind he forgot all about it.

Second, once he KNEW he messed up, say you take the benefit of the flake doubt and assume he was really forgetful... once you told him and he was reminded of your plans he STILL wanted to keep the plans he made with his buddies rather than appologize, cancel those and keep his date with you.

Okay so assuming he realizes he messed up there too... he would have called, texted, really tried to say sorry and make new plans with you right away.. an 'i'm in the area lets visit' type of arrangement.. shows he puts little thought into you other than spare of the moment, last minute...

This is NO reflection on you by the way -- I'm not saying oh he's not into you... like there is something wrong with you... i'm saying, he's probably no into ANYONE but himself from what you just said.

Men tend to go after what they want, and if he's truly sorry you will get more than one or two random out of the blue texts/emails... if he , on the other hand, is just selfish and some sort of player... you'll still hear from him from time to time as he is going through his contact list randomly reaching out to chicks as guys like that tend to do.

I think him forgetting was a flag of its own, but my problem would lay with once he was aware of his mistake he still planned on keeping the new plans and squeezing YOU in at the end , rather than the other way around like it should have been. He should have told his friends he had prior arrangments and only caught up with THEM later if he had extra time.

You can, forgive him and give him another shot if its truly what you want... if he is the selfish/player type that will reveal itself very quickly ... problem is, the more you see him, the more you risk developing feelings for someone that may not have your best interest at heart. So if you haven't started feeling for him yet, I'd let him go unless he really attempts to prove he messed up and that you are someone he's serious about getting to know... by actually calling you, appologizing, not making excuses for his actions but simply owning up to the fact that he was sort of a jerk .

**WildChild** · 03-09-2011 08:35 AM

Its clear you are an afterthought. He's looking for a snack not an entree. If all you want is a little nookie then go for it, If you want a relationship, forget him.

**Daniela73** · 03-09-2011 08:51 AM

Thank you very much for your answers. I confronted him with his behaviour and he said he just had many things in mind and forgot, but that he said he would come after skiing. He said that his buddy needed him and that he combined showing support for him with doing some outdoor activity.

The thing is, I accepted him as friend again on Facebook, and we chatted a bit in the past two days. However he hasn’t asked me out.

Anyway, he was coming on so strong the first couple of weeks: calling, texting, chatting, writing on my wall every day, that I started to like him. That‘s why it was so confusing that he forgot our date. Now, after this "second chance" I don’t see him trying to make things up, so I am even more dissapointed.

I really liked this guy. Felt a good vibe with him.

**WildChild** · 03-09-2011 08:59 AM

Go with the disappointed, its probably more accurate.
It was probably your own good vibes that you felt.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-09-2011 01:19 PM

Hun, we fall quickly...You basically have let him know that...the chase ended, there was no "does she like me question" anymore...

In my opinion, it was an interest, then that interest passed, but he doesn't like rejection, to loose, so he's wormed his way back, but backed off a bit, because that is what is keeping you interested, because you like him...

Don't waste time with people who play games.....His game plan will be to get you into bed in my opinion....

CW

**Mighty Grasshopper** · 03-09-2011 01:53 PM

No you should not give him a second chance but I get the impression that you will. Chances are good he will let you down again and you will wonder why since you felt something "click" as if you feeling a click would mean that he would do better next time.

If you want a good guy, up front screening process has to be very good. Most people do a poor job of this as they get lost in the excitment of dating someone new and then end up focusing way more energy into trying to fix the relationship. In which after months they just break up anyway.

"an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" as they say.

**caterpillar79** · 03-09-2011 07:20 PM

He is not that into you, that's all I can say. Move on.

A man who is really interested with you will skip any other appointment just to be with you. If he doesn't make you his priority now, you will never be. This kind of guy is a loser in my book.