Please help me im lost confused and hurt!!!

**chevy** · 03-17-2011 05:40 PM

ok so here is my story....my bf nd i have been dating 9 months and we love each other alot. we have always done things togthr nd had fun. we used 2 have sex nd he turned me on no problem. he would always tell me how prtty i am every time he saw me but lately things have changed. thise past november he became extremely gud buddies with my dad nd it nvr bothered me bcuz my dad doesnt have a son nd my bf doesnt have a dad but they got to the point to where i was left out. my parents have been divorsed ever since i was 1 nd now my bf hates my mom but he used to love her nd i no my dad said something. well anyway he nvr takes me out or says how prtty i am nd i try rlly hard to look gud 4 him but he doesnt notice anymore. but when i want to go out even if its 2 jus to go on a walk through the park he changes his plans for my dad. im rlly tryn 2 put up with it but it hurts alot nd i cry all the time. all i want is to have him back i want us 2 have fun 2gthr nd have sex every now nd then but i feel so unloved tht he cant even turn me on at all....please help me nd tell me what i should do! thx in advance

**Beautiful Disaster** · 03-18-2011 09:01 AM

Try sitting down with your bf at a time when emotions are calm and have a talk with him about how you're feeling. Don't whine, don't be naggy.....just be very honest and tell him that you love the fact he likes your dad so much and that you want them to be friends, but that he needs to be able to keep that separate from his relationship with you. For example, if he hates your mom that's going to interfere with his relationship with you. (If someone I was dating hated my mom...I couldn't continue dating them. She is my best friend. ) Also, if he cancels plans with you to hang out with your dad, that's obviously going to interfere. Whether its your dad or anyone else, if you get ditched after he has made plans with you, you're going to be upset. He needs to understand that, as I assume he'd be upset if you did the same. You need to talk with him and let him know how this affecting you and that he needs to find a happy medium because right now, you are not happy.

Then, if you're close with your Dad, I'd have a talk with him too. Doesn't mean they can't hang out and be friends, but you don't need to be competing with your dad for attention from your boyfriend.

**chevy** · 03-18-2011 09:39 PM

well i have talked to my bf but everytime he gets mad at me and says i have an attitude problem and he isnt goin to change which makes me cry. i have also talked to my dad and he said i treat my bf bad but im really good to him because i always try to make him happy nd take him to really nice places to eat. is the reason y im no longer sexually attracted to him because im so unhappy?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-20-2011 03:30 PM

Often relationships blossom from the lust stage, and then often they die as well, because the emotional, and compatible connection is lost...

You do not have to take him out to nice restaurants to try to win him, that's your money and it should only be spent on someone whom spends back on you, in other words, equality.

Obviously, your Father has confided in him re your Mother and obviously, now he's not wanting to speak to her, your Father isn't standing by you either, he's put you down to you, by telling you, you treat him bad...What he may mean is that you through how he (your boyfriend) has made you feel in-secure, you bagger him for everything, including his time with your Dad.

If you don't feel sexually attracted to him anymore? Then, you don't love him anymore, what you want, is someone to laugh and hang out and have fun with, and be intimate with and love, so you don't want him back (the old him) you want someone...

If you are un-happy, then the relationship has run it's course and it's time to find someone who will love you that you can love back....

Let them be buddys... and tell him it's over, you deserve more in a relationship.

CW

**liminal** · 03-20-2011 06:29 PM

May I add that a relationship that consists of a guy telling you your pretty doesn't sound like an especially deep one. I think you may be deceiving yourself about the kind of feelings he has for you.

**chevy** · 03-28-2011 07:25 PM

thanks everyone but i do care about him and i dont wana lose him can you give me advice on how to get him to listen and understand where im coming from bcuz i can live without the sex but i want him to listen to me when i need someone to talk to so any advice on that???

**kira** · 03-28-2011 08:15 PM

You can't make someone listen just like you can't make someone love you. Either they care and they listen or they don't and they yell or walk off. Very little you do changes that. Of course if you yell at them or accuse them of things they are less likely to stand around taking the abuse but a calm rational conversation only happens when the other person is also willing to talk and listen on their own. When multiple attempts to have a calm discussion on something break down it's time to pull out the big guns and say listen to me or we are through. Most of the time though people won't change. They'll tell you they will and they make promises while you are ready to leave and then go back to the same actions when the crisis is over. Can you live with the relationship if things don't change?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-28-2011 08:22 PM

Why would you live without sex?

What do you think a relationship is all about? Love...intimacy...togetherness....

If you haven't got that why stay?

You know you are beautiful, alive, worth something, tell him straight or you'll leave and find someone who will give you those things.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 03-29-2011 07:03 AM

I already told you in my last post what I would do if it were me, or at least what I think I would do. I didn't say leaving him should be your first choice. But now, reading what you're posting, it makes you sound as though you're desperate?? Why?? Why would you be willing to deprive yourself of a healthy sexual relationship just so you can stay with him? Read what you're saying and pretend it's coming from someone else. Love or not, if this guy is making you feel unwanted, is making your self esteem drop, ditches you for other things to do regularly, and is not treating you how you deserve to be treated then he is NOT the man for you. I have left someone that I loved before, simply because he wasn't the right guy for me, he didn't treat me like I needed to be treated.

**jeckel&hyde** · 03-30-2011 10:00 AM

First, you must be in alot of pain & I hope you have someone that you trust because I think you need some serious hugging/comfort. I don't know how old you are, or what your past relationship experience is, but I do know that the one you're in now has become unhealthy for you. Perhaps the memories of how it was between the 2 of you keeps you hoping it will be like that again if only you can find the right thing to do to fix it. I don't blame you for wanting that back, but you can't fix it alone, & if he doesn't think it needs fixing, then there really is no hope. You want him to be happy because you love him. If he loves you, he will want you to be happy too. You've talked to him & he said he isn't going to change. I'd risk saying that he sounds emotionally abusive, & that won't get better, it will only get worse. I'm not judging you. My relationships with men have all been emotionally abusive, I just didn't realise it until recently. My best friend begged me to go to a group for abused women, & I went in thinking I wasn't one of those women, I don't belong here, etc. It hit me pretty hard to listen to other women's stories & how much like mine they were. I'm still in my realtionship, there are still parts of me that hope he will actually go & keep going for the help he keeps saying he will because I do believe he loves me. And I still see a counsellor, working on rebuilding my self esteem, & learning what a healthy relationship is & isn't. Please don't wait until you have reached the point where you're a the end of your rope. You are special, the only one like you & you deserve happiness. Treat yourself well, pamper yourself, make plans with friends & family. You are the most important person in your life. Learn to love & respect yourself, & then you won't need people in your life who don't treat you as you deserve