Boyfriend texting an ex...again.

**cinbuns** · 04-16-2011 09:40 PM

I'm glad that I'm not the only one who thinks this isn't right! I was honestly beginning to think that I had overreacted when I found out that the ex didn't send him the pic herself, but I am still upset about it.

He is controlling and verbally abusive to me. As spurzzz said, it does seem like I am waiting to catch him in the act. I wish I could do something to make him see how much this upsets me, but it's as if he is incapable of seeing that this is wrong. I think you guys are right when you say he will do it again. I "let it go" and he gets angry if I mention it again. However, it's still on my mind and it truly makes me want to cry/scream but I don't know what to do about it. It makes me feel alone in the world.

Maybe I'm being ridiculous, but I just wish he could see that it's not fair to me! I don't think I'll ever feel good enough for him due to his behavior.

**NICSY** · 04-16-2011 10:42 PM

"GET RID"

he sounds like a very nasty piece of work.

Good Luck

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-17-2011 12:17 AM

Ooh WC I loved your -- he's been there, done that, isn't done with it -- line because that is the sentiment that seems to ring truest. He hasn't closed that portal cinbuns, it seems. She still has a weak spot for him, or is just bored, lonely , in need of an ego boost etc... they aren't together anymore for a reason. Her contacting him -- ahh maybe HER bf was texting some girl or some other equally self-esteem breaking experience and so she reached out to him to get a feeling of being wanted... even if she doesn't want him.

Men are more attention sloots than women sometimes... I guess because they really don't get it like we get it. You can go to walmart in your pj's with noxema still stuck to your face and some guy is going to stare at your butt... you can have the 'i still got it' feeling whenever you want... men don't get to experience that as often since women generally don't pursue that way... so when some woman actually does flatter their ego, tells them hey ur hot want to xxx...e tc... even as a corny text message -- it can make him feel that little buzz of 'yeah i got it'. Even if he doesn't want her.

Do you know what i mean? So don't let your heart break thinking she's got something on you, its nothing but mutual ego masturbation between the two of them. HOWEVER, its disrespectful to your feelings and if he will put his need to feel flattered by some chick he's no longer with ahead of his 'love'... his main girl, the one hes supposed to care for... then he's got problems, which means, you've got problems.

He sounds selfish, and a bit mean to be honest... are you otherwise happy in this relationship?

**cinbuns** · 04-17-2011 08:37 AM

Everyone on here has such great opinions! I too loved her "he's been there, done that, isn't done with it" line because that seems to be the root of a lot of our problems, either now or in the past.

I think you're right about the ego boost. Regardless of my constant compliments to him, I guess he just needs the attention of other women to feel good. I think he is selfish for not caring about my feelings and only thinking of his own.

You asked if I am otherwise happy in the relationship... and I generally am, other than when problems like this arise. To make a long story short, we've always had trust issues because of his behavior and he's a "party guy", so he gets drunk with his friends every weekend. I would say that's typical college behavior, but he & his friends are now out of college so I don't see an end in sight. I just wish he had more time for me, since he works long hours all week and makes plans with his friends for all weekend long.

He lives with me, so I try not to say anything so that I don't have to live in house that's always fighting. He will also report to his friends about any fight, which I hate. So, my answer is yes & no to whether or not I am happy... I guess it depends on the day!

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-17-2011 10:06 AM

Some immaturity you can chalk up to age, and some is just part of a persons character and not something they will 'grow out of'. His partying ways, his clinging to exes, his need for attention, his need to be surrounded by his buddies CONSTANTLY, him divulging private info of YOUR relationship to his buddies... is beyond juvenile.

My honest opinion is that he is just not relationship material at this point. He may be into you and love the idea of having a main girl to come home to -- but all of his other actions are that of a single man. Mature guys in relationships generally put their relationship above their friends -- meaning they would never put you or any of your problems on blast to other immature boys, meaning they would not need to spend as much time with their buddies -- all people like to see their friends -- but it sounds like he really puts them and the partying lifestyle above being with you.

It sounds like he's setteled down, before truly being ready to ... so now you are in the perigatory of having HALF of a boyfriend... one that lives single when he wants and lives in a relationship when he wants to. You have to decide for yourself if thats good enough. You are young, and there is no reason you shouldn't be persuing other interests if he is going to do that. I don't necessarily mean other men, but just focusing on school, career, family , friends , hobbies, interests , fitness etc...

Basically I mean, don't give your all to someone who wont do the same... you will always end up feeling shortchanged because they can't match the investment you make... if they refuse to make the effort that you are... you can't will them to do so, you can only pull back on your own individual efforts as well in order to balance the scales.