Thread: I made a very hard decision. Was I right? :/

I was best friends with a guy. It was awesome. We did everything together, just like a couple. I went with him on his dates with other girls. This was 9 months ago. We became beyond best friends. Everybody thought we were dating; we acted like it. After about 5 months, we kissed. We had never done anything and since that day we havn't. He told a friend he regreted it. Well, I didn't. I fell head over heels in love with my best friend. He said he didn't like me or have feelings for me, but not to me directly. He told the same friend, who told me. I was broken but okay. I became depressed and hurt. We still hung out all the time, almost everyday. We still went out to shop or parties or dances. I loved every moment of it. Everybody knew I liked him, but I denied it to anybody who asked. Because I didnt want him to know.

We were closer than most couples who are dating, literally. There is nothing we don't know about eachother. We talked about evreything possible, and everyday. I was afraid to stand up to him because I didn't want to lose him. I couldnt, at that point, live without him. He controlled me, without knowing it. We would fight about stupid things and he would hurt me badly with what he would say, then apologize the next day. It became a cycle. It got to the point where I was scared to be honest with him because I knew it would only be a fight and I might lose him. I wasn't gonna be able to handle losing him so I took his . He would talk about me to a friend and she would talk about me to him but if I talked to either one of them about them I would get yelled at. The other girl is his 'best friend' too. she is 4 years older than us. She didn't like me and him being friends because I took him away from him in a way. I got jealous when he would see her or make plans with her.

But anyways, I waited for months for him to ask me out. I didn't even try to talk to any guys, because every guy I did he hated and talked badly about.

Then: He dated my little sister, she is 4 years younger than us. It broke my heart in half. I hated watching them so happy, but I pretended in the beginning that I was"so happy for them"when it was killing me. I wanted her to be happy, she is my little sister. I wouldnt do anything to hurt. I suffered in silence over. I was miserable but acted happy. I didnt want to see them together, but I wanted to see him so of course I chilled with them all the time. One night after a huge fight, I told him how I felt about him, and he told me we were too close to date. That confused me badly because I thought the closer you are the better it is? He sais that he had even thought about dating me several times. He also said that if him and my sister were as close as us they wouldn't have dated. This was 3 months ago. They dated 2 months. We constantly fought and it tore us apart. I wanted him to be in my life no matter what, I did whatever it took not to fight with him, even though it always happened. I just wanted to know why he picked her, she is 14, dont get me wrong she is beautiful, so pretty. But I just didnt understand why I wasnt good enough for him.

I was controlled by his games and lies. I was the girl that could stay out late with him, the girl that he could talk to about anything, the girl that understood how he really felt about things, the girl that was always there to have fun with, the girl that would ditch anybody and anything for him, the girl that partied with him, the girl that went to dances with him and was always his dance partner, we never left a dance until we danced. When he spent the night with me we slept in the same bed,nothing ever happend though.

I became obsessed with not losing him. I wanted to be with him and make those memories. We could talk for hours, until 2 or later in the morning. We planned to grow up together and live right next to eachother. Every plan for the future included us together as best friends. We planned out everything, down to he wanted me to be the first to know when his future wife got preg with their first child.

He played me in a way, lead me on. He flirts with me, makes fun, picks on. everything. he tells me I'm not allowed to have sex, or he'll beat my butt?? That if I even thought about it he was going to beat the guy up. If I hung out with other guys, he wouldnt talk to me. He made me crazy. I was so confused with all the mixed signs. He would say he didnt care about me but, when I said I was moving he told me that I couldnt leave him. He said that if it was because of him and my little sister he would break up with her so I wouldnt. We had so many inside jokes, that nobody but us understood. We had the best and the worst times. He was there for me when my parents got divorced. He was there when I needed him, everytime. But I was so depressed with how he would say such mean things to me and then apologize and then the next week we would be in another fight. If he didnt get his way, it was a fight. If I defended myself, it was a fight. I was losing myself to his control. It doesnt help that he is best friends with my brother and our familes are extremely close, so I had to see him anyways. Everytime I tried to distance myself from him, it wouldnt work. I would fall right back into the cycle. I trusted that boy with my life. I wanted us to be friends. I hated him being mad at me. I hated it. But the fighting was killing me. I had to get away from his verbal abuse and sweet talking and lies and games and playing. He would tell me just enough for me to stay. I was willing to over look everything bad to see the little good. I didnt understand why if he didnt like me, especially when he would tell me stuff like I have better looking legs than my little sister. He would wrestle me. Dance with me. Pin me against walls just playing around. One time I got mad at him and he came in my room and picked me up in a hug and pushed me on the bed and hugged me until I said I wasnt mad at him. It confused me.

I decided last week that I wasn't going to be friends with him anymore. I didnt text him, talk to him, see him or anything. I cried for days. I knew I had to do it though. Last night my brother and mom wanted him to work it out with me because they knew I ws said, but I ran away from him when came in my house to talk to me. I didnt want to fall again.

I have stress spasms in my back because I am stressed out, it hurts all the time. I am losing my hair because of the stress in the situation. I am 18. A senior in high school. I work 35 hours a week at two different jobs. My parents arent making enough income to support me and my 6 brothers and sisters. 5 are younger than me. I have to work. My jobs are stress enough, on top of having to help support my family, and then the stress with him. It was becoming to much to handle, especially how hard it was balance him and then eveything else. I was slowly becoming a zombie. I wouldnt sleep, eat right, study, hangout with my old friends, nothing was healthy. I abandoned my best friends of years for him because I didnt want him mad at me, he didnt like them at all. At one point I lost them too, because I was to stubborn to stand for them to him. They are here for me now. Even after everything we are still best friends again.

I'm glad I'm out of the situation, it hurts dont get me wrong, but I wanted to go back to the old me. It was like a huge weight lifted off me when I told him I didnt want to be friends anymore, it was like I was finally accepting that our friendship is over. I miss him so much. I want things to be different, but they arent going to get any better. I dont regret the fun we had, and he will always be part of some of the best memories Ive every made. But enough is enough. I cant move on holding on to the past.

Do you think that it was the right thing to do? Did he really not like me or was he just saying that because we were best friends? Do you think we will ever be friends again? Was I wrong for it? Did I mess it up? Please answer. I am desperate for answers. I am hurting badly over it all, but I dont want to fall back it the pattern. Please. Im begging for some answers. Thanks. I am sorry its so long I just really need the advice. Bad good or ugly, please tell me. Thank you so much. I cant tell you how much I would appreciate it.