What to do
I starting going out with a guy 8 months after i seperated from my husband i warned him it was going to be a rough ride as my ex was a control freak but he wanted to keep going out with me. Got really close even when he got transfered with work he couldn't stand it and moved back to be closer to me and my two kids. We did everything together we never really had much time to ourselves as his mother and brother lived with us so we decided to move to a new town with the kids start fresh i dropped half my wage put every cent i had into his house cause we wanted to use the equity to buy a new place in the new town together once my divorce and settlement came through.
it was weird we were together just twelve months he wrote me the most beautiful card for valentines then ten days later just as my divorce and settlemnt came through he called it off between us just packed his stuff and moved out not a word. i know it was hard always having my ex interferring but just as all the was over and it was just going to be us he takes off doesn't even give us a chance and leaves me and the kids flat broke.
It became too real when you were in a position to marry. Before that he did not have to think about marriage because you could not marry him. Basically he got cold feet, even if the two of you never discussed getting married. To me it seems spineless. Maybe he was also hoping the kids would end up with their father. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sure you will find someone of better character although it will probably take some time.Originally Posted by shadyrose
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
...
Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?
Patrick Henry
That is very close, so he always lived with his Mother and Brother in the same house? And, then you and your children moved into that house? That's alot of people in one house I wouldn't say he got cold feet, rather, he was used to some form of independence and that many people around him constantly became too much for him.we never really had much time to ourselves as his mother and brother lived with us so we decided to move to a new town with the kids start fresh i dropped half my wage put every cent i had into his house cause we wanted to use the equity to buy a new place in the new town together once my divorce and settlement came through.
I am sorry that you put your finances into this, 8 months of separation sometimes is not enough, you need time to yourself first to know what you want out of life and what you won't accept as well, especially if your ex was controlling...But you can't blame him, he didn't leave you flat broke, you made this decision yourself and with heart, you went for it but it didn't work out.
The only other concern I have is that whilst you were building his equity, the settlement was nothing major but he thought it would be? I hope that is not the case.
Keep monies to yourself, and your children, don't give, until you know in your heart he is the one...You are going to meet loads of free loaders and also people that want to take advantage of people that are vulnerable....You need your money and your kids need it too and they need stability of a happy mum...take time out for yourself....
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Wow. Sounds like this guy has some major commitment issues to deal with - do you have any way of contacting him?
I don't know what to say because you haven't really asked for any advice but I will say I'm sorry for what's happened to you and best of luck for the future, seems like you've been through alot of recently.
But as has already been mentioned, just be alot more hesitant in future before handing sharing so much of your life and money with somebody.
At least you live and learn eh?
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