how do i know if he's lieing?

**amyjo** · 04-12-2011 08:36 PM

ok my boyfriend used to smoke weed occasionally when he was with his friend (jared). I didn't even know about it until his brother came to me and asked if i would get him to quit. So i talked to my boyfriend about it and he told me he would. His friend is also quitting because hes really interested in dating my friend, who doesnt like smoking (neither do i). I have outside people telling me that he still smokes. So i confront him about it and ask if these people are telling me the truth and he always denies it and tells me he quit for me. and just the other day, when i was with my boyfriend, i happened to see he was texting some random guy (jake) who he isnt even friends with and i kinda wondered why he would be texting him.. then the next day a friend of mine asked me if my boyfriend smoked and i said "he says he doesnt" and my friend said "well jake said he just sold a bunch of weed to your boyfriend" ...so i thought that explains the texting. So i asked my boyfriend why he was texting jake and he said that he was talking to jake on behalf of his friend, jared because jareds phone was broke.. but when we asked jared, he said that he wasnt buying any and his phone works just fine..jared also told us that he told my boyfriend to stop lieing to me and to tell me that he really is smoking still.... all signs say that my boyfriend is lieing to me, but he always gets so upset when i "dont believe" him. I have so many people telling me that he does smoke and they have no reason to lie to me about something like that.. but he always denies it and says "you dont believe me, do you?" I feel bad for not believing him but i feel like i have a reason not to...
what do u guys think? do i trust my boyfriend, that ive been with for almost two years.. or trust outside people who dont have any reason to lie..????

**amyjo** · 04-12-2011 08:42 PM

and the guy he was texting... my friend told me that people only text "jake" if there buying weed.. so i do know it had to do with it.. but i just dont know what to do or how to handle this situation... how do i catch him lieing to me if he is lieing? or should i trust him..?? his best friend even tells me hes lieing. random stranger have no reason to lie to me.. but my boyfriend knows i dont like smoking, so i feel like he would lie so that i dont get mad at him.. ahhh! what do i do?! who do i belive?!

**spurzzz** · 04-13-2011 03:53 AM

Well every relationship has to be built on trust so there is already a problem in that area which you will need to work on if your relationship is to progress in the right direction....

If your partner if smoking weed, wouldn't you be able to tell by personality change? Could you not look for clues that suggest he is behaving abnormal so to speak?

Don't get involved in silly games............has he, hasen't he aaaaaahhhh. Just make it clear to him that you will not tolerate anyone who is smoking weed as this is against your values and beliefs and the slightest sign that he is high your off.......and stick to your word.

If he is and you leave him, and he loves you, then he will eventualy leave it for you...

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-13-2011 05:27 AM

What are your ages?

You can buy over the counter drug tests. This is something I would consider. Then test him yourself.

If he makes up any excuse not to take the test then you know what the truth is. Be aware that there are ways to modify the test results if someone doesn't want you to know the truth, so you'll have to be in the restroom with him when he pees in the cup. If you're not into that or are embarrassed by it, then tell him to go and get a drug test somewhere that can be trusted and that will share the results with you.

If you live in the U.S. and are both under 18, being able to hear the results may be difficult.

**WildChild** · 04-13-2011 07:43 AM

This just strikes me as all wrong. If you can't trust him say good bye.
Tests for STIs for both before unprotected sex? Absolutely. You can have an STI without knowing it.
Tests for drugs? The user knows if they are or aren't and if they are lying about it, why do you want to be with them?

**pretzel** · 04-13-2011 07:53 AM

Trust is earned by words and actions.

If you have doubts by both his words and actions, then maybe being together isn't the best option at this time.

It sounds like his smoking is a huge issue for you. He knows that. Saying one thing but doing another is not, by any means, combining words with actions. That is not a trust building situation.

Whether or not he is or isn't is of less important than the fact that he's not doing what needs to be done to garner your trust.

**MarkT** · 04-15-2011 03:38 PM

There are hair sample tests that will go as far back as 6 months, get one if you are old enough. If he's lying, toss his tail to the curb.

I'm highly against drug use, my dad was a junkie back in the day. You name it, he did it. I have first hand knowledge of it as I imitated what I saw. It took me being on my back in a hospital bed almost dying to stop it. I've quit it all. 23 years clean from drugs and 4 1/2 years cigarette free.
The worst part of it all, you are guilty by association when it comes to law enforcement. They will watch you like a hawk for a good long while after you've been busted in the same house with the true druggies. I'm lucky, I came out clean and with a clean record. Now I try to help others who are around it and don't know what to do about it.
True love Always turns the user in. It's not about the person, it's their actions.

**Donna2** · 09-03-2011 12:27 AM

Words are sometimes difficult to detect whether he is lying or not since anyone can actually tell a lie. You can try to examine how he acts, body language does not lie. You can check these tips on *removed link - not allowed*

Here are some of a few things to know when he's lying:
1. An honest person does not avoid your questions, liars will.
2. They exaggerate things
3. Direction of his eye is to the left - this is according to studies since it connects with the left brain or not.

Hope this helps.

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