Idiotic reason to break up?

**Little_Miss_Me** · 04-14-2011 02:37 PM

I'll be the first to admit my faults, and so before you read anything, I'm going to admit I can nit-pick a Mr. Right into a "nobody" within seconds. Well, after months and months of working on it, I finally settled down with a good guy.

Good in every way you look at it. He's fun. Has a billion friends. Considers me in every conversation. There was "the spark" between us. Sex was great. We never fought or argued. Anytime there *might* have been a problem, he sat down and talked with me about every detail (something I love more than anything).

Now, we're complete opposites. He's fun and outgoing; I prefer to keep to myself. He's huge into sports. I'm huge into reading. He go-go-goes and drink-drink-drinks and after one night of drinking, I'm good for a week.

He wants me by him all the time. Not something I consider too bad of a thing, but if I'm not with him, it usually will ruin his night and he'll take it personally. Seeing as we're so different, someone has to sacrifice, which means here I am going out all the time. All of the time. No break. No time for reading. School, work, going out. When we do stay home, I still can't do things that I really enjoy doing because he wants to watch a movie together (and you guessed it, we even have different movie tastes). It's exhausting. And I'm tired of not having two seconds of me time whenever I want it.

On top of that, I'm a very spiritual person -- he isn't. I'm not a die hard Christian, or for any other religion, but I do enjoy learning about different religions and other spiritual based things. He's not anything. Not Christian. Not Atheist. Nothing. No beliefs what so ever. Just "yeah there's a god." While I'm really open minded and up for anyone's personal beliefs, it drives me CRAZY he doesn't have any beliefs at all, and won't put two seconds into a real conversation that makes him think.

I never thought much about all of this (since it's a newer relationship ~3 monthish). That is, until we went on a dinner date and he didn't say one word to me outside the normal small-talk. "Oh this bread is wonderful. What are you getting to eat?" . I'm someone who thrives off of good conversations. Then it started hitting me how exactly different we are.

Anyway, thanks for reading. My question is, am I still breaking up over stupid petty , or is it normal to want more?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-14-2011 03:19 PM

Independence is important...Learning is important..Time out is important...And compromise doesn't mean you bend to all his needs and forget your own.

He is a happy go lucky person goes with the flow and likes company all the time...

There may be a compromise before you break up, speak to him and tell him your passions, to learn, to do your school work so you can get somewhere in life, to have me time because you enjoy your own company to relax, that's you...So how do you both compromise so you can see if this new relationship blossoms more? What is his goals in life, his dreams, can you instigate conversations at the dinner table maybe he can't, but that doesn't mean he can't converse seeing as he has billions of friends

I don't give up that easily, nor should you...Unless you try how do you know he couldn't hold conversations or give you some space you need to grow?

CW

**Mighty Grasshopper** · 04-15-2011 12:26 AM

I think that is legit reason to break up and a horrible reason to stay together. Too many people stay in it for the wrong reasons and break up is only delayed. Save yourself the time and do whatcha gotta do!

**WildChild** · 04-15-2011 07:47 AM

It sounds like this relationship has given you some very positive aspects but you can't be his shadow and you each have to respect the other's needs. Neither you nor he are respecting your needs.

Start by talking to him. Tell him, "We need to talk", " I need (x amount) of your focused attention and for you to listen." Explain as simply as possible that you enjoy the attention and time together but that you also need time to yourself and time for your interests and studies. At least give him an opportunity to hear what your needs are and to respond to that with any changes that are needed.

It sounds like he is very high energy but like he may also avoid dealing with anything serious. Perhaps keeping things on a superficial level is a coping mechanism? It does sound like you recognize that spirituality and religion are two very different things - I've found that they rarely go together. Neither of you should have to sacrifice who and what you are for a relationship. That is a fallacy that has been propagated for a long time and really very damaging. There are times in life when we make sacrifices, for example my bfs closest lifelong friend is deathly ill, we are both making adjustments and sacrificing time that we would normally be together or seeing each other at odd times. That is very different than one of us giving up everything we prefer, enjoy or need to do, to accommodate the other's need to play and party or to prevent them pouting.

The two of you could balance each other if you work this out. Even if you don't stay together you might learn from each other? You could learn to have more fun, perhaps in your own way but to be more outgoing and playful and he night learn how to be with himself, alone, to have some introspective time. Could this be why you have come into each other's lives?

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