He is hot and then he is cold. help :)

**HotandCold** · 05-04-2011 08:19 PM

he returned from his overseas trip and did not contact me at all, till I did. He went out with his friends and didn't bother about my existence. A few days ago, he asked me out, again not on a single date but on a group date.. The date went well, he dropped many hints but I was too tired to initiate anything, so I left it all up to him, and as expected he gave up. Later that night, he sent a text to me - i like how we are today, more than friends, less than a couple, what say, Dating would suffice? I left it there and never replied. A couple of days later still ignoring my existence, I met up with him and asked why he doesn't want to let me go? His reply was that I still like you and I am not breaking up with you. He says that he finds it hard to give emotionally attention to me and doesn't want to put in any effort. And that it's normal for couples to become emotionally detached after awhile. I told disagree on that though.. But after a long conversation and saying pretty nasty stuff, he decided to call it a break. He left saying that he would see me tomorrow and my reply to him was, I am sorry but that ends everything we have. I am sorry that we cannot revert back to friends. He stormed out of the room in anger..
My question is, why do I feel bad that I never left it at friends. I feel so hurt by the way he treats me. He goes from hot and cold and never is stable.. Was it a wrong move to cut all contact? No doubt I still miss him a lot.

**spurzzz** · 05-05-2011 04:18 AM

Originally Posted by HotandCold

Was it a wrong move to cut all contact? No doubt I still miss him a lot.

No it was not. What on earth do you miss exactly? ..... The feeling of not being alone perhaps, regardless of who it is?

This guy doesn't care about you, when are you going to realize that? He is playing with your emotions and wants to keep you hanging on as his bit on the side, have you even thought about whether or not he may have a real GF????

"more than friends, less than a couple"
Do you really want to be with someone with that type of attitude? In other words he is saying he wants to shag you but not date you........

Look stop feeling sorry for yourself, cut this guy out like a Cold piece of salami and go find yourself a Hot date.....someone who will treat you better and with the respect that you seek.

HotandCold - tell him to go and see a doctor.....and you stay away from the bad fever that he is.

**HotandCold** · 05-10-2011 06:45 AM

hey spurzzz,

Perhaps you are right, why i missed him a lot would most probably be me just not wanting to be alone. Well ever since the day I cut all contact with him, I actually feel much better. There isn't that down feeling of being in limbo second guessing what I actually mean to him. And plus, i found out that I wasn't the only girl that he calls or text sweet nothings to. Haha to top it all off, it's the kind of girls that provide services at night pubs. That made it easier for me to let go. I am definitely certain that I will eventually find a guy that would appreciate me more

Thanks for the advise man!

**spurzzz** · 05-10-2011 07:40 AM

Yep, he was textbook. Now remember the signs for next time.......

Great attitude, be patient and your prince shall come

Best of luck.

**HotandCold** · 07-14-2011 12:06 AM

hello once again.. I am very grateful for everyone's advice with my issue the other time and it's been 3 months since I broke up with him. I cut all contact I had with him and never called or text him all this while I felt good! However I need some advice once again. Both my ex and I share common friends and some of them are as close to me as they are to him.

For the past 3 mths, I have avoided all meet up with the group as I didn't want to face him. A few weeks ago, two of the common friends for namesake ( C and R) and I went out for dinner and C asked me if I was feeling okie with regards to the breakup. I told C that I was doing great and that it didnt hurt anymore. If it's any consolation, I guess I was pretty much over him. C told me that sometimes I am a topic of conversation when they are together and my ex had mentioned that my avoidance can be felt by him and he is trying his best to avoid me too to make me feel happy. I was a little annoyed by that remark but I told C that I wasn't avoiding on purpose, I just needed my own space and since he couldnt see me as a GF but just wanted me as a fling, my natural reaction is to stay away. C then went on to tell me that he knows what my ex did cannot be forgotten but perhaps if I could find it in me to forgive and end the truce.

Two days ago, C had his birthday. And I have always been the one that have been celebrating his birthdays for him. So I decided to call for a group meet up for the celebration, but I left my ex out. I didnt want to initiate contact because I didnt want him to think that it was an excuse to meet him because of the comments I have been hearing. I told C that I am sorry I couldnt invite my ex, but that if he still wants my ex to be present, by all means invite him. And so C did.

The group and my ex came for the celebration and my ex was acting all awkward around me and telling his friends how awkward it is, while I on the other hand felt nothing at all. My heart didnt sink with any form of long lost loving feeling. I felt nothing and I felt great.. His friends told me that something is up and they cannot wait to see what will happen. During the party, my ex tried making small talk with me, and time to time I caught him stealing glances at me and tried to establish slight physical contact..I could feel that he was feeling very awkward but I really didnt know how to react, because I was just being myself.

Now that I am really sure that I am over him, I am actually ready to make peace with him and to let him know that now we could sit down and let everything out and part as normal common friends, so that our friends don't have to be in the middle of all this. I do not want to separate myself from my friends at the same time, I dont want them to be in between both of us. However what I am afraid of right now is that the awkwardness he feels could possibly be a sign that he hasn't gotten over me and that initiating this make peace would come across to him as me still having feelings.

Please advice and sorry for the lengthy post, I just wanted to lay everything out and get advice accordingly.

Thank you and awaiting replies

**jns** · 07-14-2011 08:59 PM

You are ready to start building a new relationship with someone else. Go slowly with your eyes wide open.

**Lorelei** · 07-19-2011 06:02 AM

I say make peace with him, since you sound ready. His mis-givings and uncomfyness is all on him. It's not your responsibility to make him comfortable anymore. If he can't handle the fact that you've moved on than that's on him, not you.

Great job moving on with things, by the way. It's always very hard to do that. ^_^