Boyfriend's Mum

**pixie8989** · 04-18-2011 08:19 AM

Just need a little advice

I have always been fine around my boyfriend's mum ( we have been together for 2 and a half years) but just recently I feel mega uncomfortable around her. As we are both at university I only really see her around holidays and I will be seeing my boyfriend in a couple of days at his parents house.

The last time I was there my boyfriend fell out with his mum after an argument they had, after we had come in from a night out. this made the atmosphere really frosty the day after and now I just feel uncomfortable and that I don't really want to go to his house.

His mum in not the kind of person I would chose to spend time with, she is a bit ott and things, but I accept that and we have always got on fine. But sometimes I find her staring at me, say if we are just watching tv and this makes me incredibly uncomfortable. and after the episode last time I just feel she doesn't like me - i'l just add I didn't fall out with them it was my boyfriend, but I feel that she may think i provoked him into doing in which I didn't, all i said to him was that she needs to let him live his own life because he is 23 and she was making him come in from a night out when it was his birthday and he wanted 2 stay out bcos he knew she'd be annoyed if he didnt go home when she was expecting him - which is what he thinks.

I don't know whether to tell my bf how I feel or just keep it to myself because I am just being paranoid. Because I don't want my bf to think I don't want to see him because I do! Everything may be fine when I get to his parents house, but i'm just worrying.

Thanks!! x

**orchiddreams** · 04-21-2011 12:34 PM

This is an ignore. Your boyfriend needs to deal with his mom himself. Don't get involved in their relationship. If you ignore his mother altogether, it will never give you both an opportunity to change things. If this is a long term relationship give her a chance. Somethings just don't come naturally to people.

**naisning** · 04-22-2011 01:04 PM

im sure it is a of a lot easier for your boyfriends mom to blame you for their falling out than to accept that it was totaly his choice, mothers only want the best for their children so naturaly they make people jump through hoops as a kind of test. some are worse then others obviously. if i were you i would explain very carefully to your boyfriend how you feel. he needs to know your uncomfortable but that doesnt mean he has to act on it. make sure you say that its ok to meet up at his parents house, that way he wont think you dont want to see him. you never now it might incourage him to fix things with his mom. dont worry about going to his parents house in time his mom will warm to you, after all she is probably just freaking out at the thought that her son is coming closer to total independance. she seems that kind of way if she made him come home early on his birthday. ultimitly yes it is up to your boyfriend to make up and you shouldnt realy get involved. if you do it could make things worse. i hope things work out for you

once they make up im sure all will be fine maybe not at first but they will be in time.

**spurzzz** · 04-22-2011 03:06 PM

Hi Pixie,

The Inlaws are a notoriously tricky subject and one most would love to avoid! That is like a hidden law so don't worry about it too much

You must IMO tell your boyfriend about how you feel, of course you should, you should share everything. If she is making you feel that uncomfortable just tell him so that he might be able to help you out, after all it is his mum. I definately wouldn't put off going to see him because of an incident a while back.

Something along the lines of a casual "I can't wait to see you darling but im a bit scared of your mum haha .............after last time and all i don't think she's my number one fan" ..............

And remember, our fears are usualy worse in our heads then it is in reality

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-24-2011 04:37 PM

She still has house rules, it's her home and she more than likely sees him as a "young adult" and it's hard to let go...In addition, he should have said to her "we may be late tonight it's my birthday and we are meeting up with a few people, so don't worry about us okay Mom"...I would suspect she paced the house worried and that's how the arguement broke out...Sometimes people have to through a comment first not expect it's all going to be okay.

She probably looks at you as she doesn't get much of a chance to get to know you... The best thing to do is to do nothing, you are a guest, her son's boyfriend any arguements are between them, by staying out of it and not choosing sides, you are doing the right thing...

Do you get up of the lounge for instance as she is making dinner for you all and offer to help? Or do you sit with him and she looks at you?

CW