Still in love with ex...

**emh107** · 04-24-2011 02:38 PM

I was in ninth grade when I started dating my now ex boyfriend. We spent 3 years together and then he left me for another girl. I was devastated and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Whether I liked it or not he had become a part of me and I struggled to let him go. Eight months after the break up, I met another guy who I have been with now for almost two years. I do love him, but I still think about my ex all the time. There are days when all I can think about is how happy I was with my ex, and I remember everything we used to do together and how he made me feel. He made me feel like a better person.

I know I’m not the same person around my current boyfriend. My ex and I truly thought we loved each other, and we were going to try to stay together during college. I don’t know if the only reason I still think about my ex is because I never really got closure, or if it’s because I’m still hurting due to the breakup and I can’t let it go. I’ve tried to talk to him as friends but it always goes downhill and we wind up fighting over really stupid stuff...Yesterday I sent him a note on facebook explaining some things and I told him we can’t talk anymore. I don’t know if I did the right thing or not, but I hope finally saying goodbye will help me get past it.

He’s still with the girl he left me for three years ago, and I envy her everyday. I hate her for what she did to me. I should hate him for what he did as well but I just can’t bring myself to think negative thoughts about him. He was there for me through some really hard times, and I was there for him. I just don’t understand how it came to this...not a single day goes by when I don’t think about him. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if I made the right decision in sending him that message. I don’t know what to do or how I’m feeling, and I’m just confused about my current boyfriend. I feel like three years should have been enough closure and I should know that he’s never coming back, but something is keeping me here hoping that maybe someday he’ll realize he made a mistake and come back. But I know that’s probably not going to happen. I feel like such a terrible person because of how I’m feeling. My boyfriend deserves my entire heart and all my love, but I don’t know if I can give that to him because my ex still has part of my heart...Please help =(

**miffed23** · 04-24-2011 03:39 PM

Aw petal. What a difficult time youre having.

If you dont know already, you need to find out why he left you for her...from your thread i'm getting the impression that you have no idea why? You will always keep hanging on otherwise. If he gives you a reason, it might then put you in the frame of mind where you see the negatives and you might start thinking, 'oh yeah, i remember this happening, that wasnt good'

If it was just that you drifted apart, then it is going to be extremely difficult for you. Try and remember that there any many others that are going through and have gone through the same heartbreak, you will be okay. It will take a very long time. Dont worry yourself over the message that you sent, thats gone now, you felt that you had to send it and it might give you some answers that you need.

It is even harder for you that he is with someone else, this will only rub salt into the wounds. Unfortunately, you have to respect his decision, remember that in his eyes you have moved on too. Keep busy, invest all you love into your current boyfriend, really try and make it work and if you still feel like youre unable to let go of the ex then i'd suggest having a heart to heart with your boyfriend.

Good luck sweet

**spurzzz** · 04-24-2011 03:52 PM

2 years you have been with your boyfriend and you say you still have feelings for your ex? That is not good. You are not doing your boyfriend or yourself any favours by staying in this relationship when your heart is clearly not in it IMO. You need to be honest with your boyfriend and tell him the truth about your feelings in which I suggest taking a break or ending the relationship.

What exactly are you doing still talking to your ex boyfriend on facebook when he left you for another girl? Quit saying he is nice and he did this and that blah blah ---- that happens in every relationship from the start, its always good to begin with! If you want to move on quit making excuses and stop talking to your ex BF completely - or until you manage to get enough self confidence to realize what a prat he was for leaving you in the first place.

You still carry a lot of burdens from your past relationship and that is not fair of you to bring to your new relationship. 2 years and you havent given him all that you can give? Spend some time with yourself and get the help you need to improve your confidence, self-esteem and love for yourself.

Why do men get away with cheating? Because the women they are with are too insecure and weak to stay away from the guy so they vent their frustration and blame the woman that he was with. Easier that way! Get a grip with yourself and know you deserve better then your ex.........

Good luck.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-24-2011 04:52 PM

I imagine your ex was your first boyfriend...

You never forget your first boyfriend however someone does come along who is even better than that first boyfriend and whilst you still don't forget you do go pfttttt I'm so happy now and even more in love.

You are not letting this guy in because he misses alot of the qualities you liked in "a person"...You settled for someone whom you liked.. So because those things are missing you are still dreaming, re-living and thinking of the ex.

He wasn't all that it was that was your first boyfriend and you loved the companionship, compatibility, laughter, the teenage sides of it all.

If you can't love this man then let him go . He deserves to be loved and you possibly need time out for yourself, to find yourself, believe in your worth and to experience that you can enjoy your own company, you don't "have" to have someone in your life.

People move on, especially when young, young ladies have a dream of forever, life isn't like that, the forever is when the two souls meet and everything is perfect, they just know..That doesn't necessarily happen with the first boyfriend it's that we hope that is the case when young...But it does happen.

CW