I want kids, he doesn't

**shiz** · 05-23-2011 10:26 AM

Thank you all for your responses. A few of you all said things i hadn't thought of. I'm still mulling it over, and it has created some tension.

**pretzel** · 05-23-2011 11:26 AM

If he was pretty adamant about this and if both of you are now on opposite sides of the question, then I'd agree that maybe it might be time to rethink the relationship.

I don't know what the change of heart was caused by, but if I was guessing, I'd say that his friends and family may be putting it into his ear that it was time for the two of you to settle down and start a family? From experience, I wasn't sure how good of a father I was going to be first time around. It made me think if it was the right thing to do or not. It didn't have anything to do with how I felt about my ex at the time, yes I was madly in love with her, wanted to be with her the rest of my life, but were we capable of being parents?

Everyone of those fears turned into anticipation when she told me that I was going to be a father. You never really know until it happens.

**rcoreyus** · 05-23-2011 01:25 PM

Only one data point, but the child we took in was no more troubled than average - though of course that won't be true in all cases. On the other hand, if you have a child you need to be willing to care for them even if they do have problems: I know one couple with 2 autistic kids, another with a child with serious mental illness. So while a foster child may have serious issues - that is something you may need to deal with if you are a parent.

Originally Posted by Mes T

rcoreyus... that is a lovely idea and one that I wouldn't have thought of myself. Although I would guess that foster children who are used to going from place to place every few months may have a difficult to handle temperament, so maybe not the clearest picture of what your own child would be like. Still, having the experience of caring for a child, together, if only for a few months, must be extremely educational.

**pf2011** · 05-23-2011 02:33 PM

I know how you feel, I won't children and my husband doesn't. Well we talked about it when we first got together and he said it was up to me. After he asked me to marrie him and i said yes, about four months later he said that he didn't wont any kids. He told me that if i didn't already have a child he would have one with me. I don't understand what changed his mind after i said yes. So over the past years i have come to except that i will not be able to have another child. I love my husband and love being with him, so i guess you can't get everything you planed for in life or at least in my case the one thing i wonted the most. So what i am trying to say is sometimes you may have to give up something temporarly for something else that you realy wont.

**shiz** · 06-06-2011 07:41 AM

I thought i'd update everyone. I am a curious person, and would want to know "the outcome" of such a thing. Last week I sat him down and told him that after hard thought, i really did want kids. He said do you think we should break up? I said yes, if he wasn't willing to change his mind. Since then things have been good. We still live together, but we are helping each other find new places, and all of the stuff that goes with it. We have both admited that we feel more free with just having a friendship over a relationship. I'm glad that i took the time to think this through, and thank you to everyone who posted their thoughts and advice. Each one of you had something to add that made me think.