Sticky Situation: Take a chance?

**pretzel** · 06-02-2011 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by ren_07

Is there something else you would recommend since you said at a minimum?

sorry, that is just a quirky little saying of mine.

I think if you just take it slow and try to keep your emotions in check and just have fun this summer, you should be fine.

**SaharaJim** · 06-02-2011 11:54 AM

Ren_07, another older male here,and I just got through watching my step-daughter marry a "slugo". I would ;of course, sympathize with your parent's reservations about this young man. BUT before you "invest' too much emotionally; perhaps there are some questions you should ask your self. You obviously blame your "friend', his ex?-girlfriend, for the "problems" in the relationship. Is it ALL at her door or is there some portion that is his? He was supposed so in "love" with her that he "excused" her indiscretions but he is still "flirting with you?" Or only when he and she are 'broken up"- sound a little like what you said she was doing during school breaks? IF you were involved with him- do you trust him not to go running back to her if she raises a hand and whistles? The sea is full of fish- how much of your time to you want to "spend' on this "drama"?
Take time and make a list of what you (and your parents who I am sure love and care about you) want in a man. Does he even begin to 'show potential' to be that man? A last thought- when this other girl was treating him "badly"- you said he acted like a doormat. Are you prepared to be Mrs Doormat?

**SaharaJim** · 06-02-2011 11:56 AM

Ren_07, another older male here,and I just got through watching my step-daughter marry a "slugo". I would ;of course, sympathize with your parent's reservations about this young man. BUT before you "invest' too much emotionally; perhaps there are some questions you should ask your self. You obviously blame your "friend', his ex?-girlfriend, for the "problems" in the relationship. Is it ALL at her door or is there some portion that is his? He was supposed so in "love" with her that he "excused" her indiscretions but he is still "flirting with you?" Or only when he and she are 'broken up"- sound a little like what you said she was doing during school breaks? IF you were involved with him- do you trust him not to go running back to her if she raises a hand and whistles? The sea is full of fish- how much of your time to you want to "spend' on this "drama"?
Take time and make a list of what you (and your parents who I am sure love and care about you) want in a man. Does he even begin to 'show potential' to be that man? A last thought- when this other girl was treating him "badly"- you said he acted like a doormat. Are you prepared to be Mrs Doormat?

**Mes T** · 06-02-2011 02:32 PM

Valid questions Sahara. Ren you've got replies from all ages groups and both sexes.. you lucky thing!

**ren_07** · 06-02-2011 07:28 PM

lol I have the complete spectrum!

SaharaJim, I've noted your concerns, I've had them myself. Because I've spent time with the both of them, really her on a daily basis, I know the relationship quite well from both sides. She would tell me about all these men she liked and then would break it off with him to try and see what would happen. He was always a sweetheart, sending her random gifts like edible bouquets and whatnot in the mail and driving more than two hours to the city each weekend just to visit her or take her out, all the while she was being flighty. His flaws are that he can be a bit possessive, which I believe was brought on by her sketchy behavior. He's also a bit stubburn. I've been close with him since January and I feel I would be familiar enough with him from a one-on-one perspective AND witnessing their drama to see who to blame is. Trust me I wouldn't just blame her bc I WANT to believe it's all her fault. It just didn't work out between them. What I do blame her for is planting the seed of distrust in the relationship that eventually grew out of control.

He began the flirting in April when they were finished. Before that, he was texting/tweeting at me just being casual and I always kept it on a "friends only" basis so he wouldn't get the wrong idea, nor would she. You may call that being unfaithful in a sense, but at that point she had been screwing around on him a number of times and I can see him feeling justified/tired of trying to hide that he wanted to get to know me more. We've always clicked and had a connection. I've dated many men, and I know what I'm looking for in a guy and he meets many of those standards. I'm also not weak enough to let a bad situation continue, I leave the minute a man starts taking me for granted.

I've known them both for almost two years. The best part of this is I have both perspectives of their stories/relationship to form a judgment on.

I think if he was trying to be unfaithful, he wouldn't shoot for someone like me who lives three hours away, is a close friend of her's, etc. bc he's either certain to get caught or have a huge mess on his hands and would never see me without running into her. Plus our conversations have never been sexual, genuinely talking/relating to one another like friends with some fun flirting and compliments. If he was "cheating," it would be in the emotional sense.

I think I'm making sense? haha

**SaharaJim** · 06-03-2011 09:21 AM

Sound to me like you have taken a very mature look at what you may be getting in to; that being said...life is IMHO, a series of "risk" decisions and I have always favored the credo : Better to regret the chance that didn't work..then live in regret for what "might have been".

Which is not to say that I don't weigh risk factors and place "loser" bets; but I don't play it "safe' either. Motorcycles are inherantly dangerous; I rather die than give them up.

I think you are going in with you eyes "open"- still think you may be 'grabbing a pike' when there are lots of tuna,talapia and mahe-mahe out there....but some people like pike.