I stress over my relationship wayyy too much and it's killing me

**Julie154** · 06-04-2011 11:47 PM

I’ve been with this guy for almost 2 months now. He’s only my second boyfriend. This is around the time I broke up with my first boyfriend. If I’m being totally honest, my first boyfriend was more an experiment gone wrong and we never should’ve been together. So this new guy I’m with really feels more like my first “real” boyfriend.

Anyway, I can’t seem to stop stressing over the fact that, even though he’s amazing and I like him so much, we’re not exactly where I want us to be…or really anywhere near it. I mean I want to spend literally every second of every day with him and I think about him all the time, but I’m not so sure he’s like that. He’s very attentive. He asks me to hang out/texts me, etc. He’s very good to me. Always picks me up at my house/pays for me when we go out (I feel bad so I sometimes pay too)/respects me. But there’s a lot I don’t like. Like the fact that, although he declared us a real couple once, he’s never, ever, everrr used the term girlfriend to refer to me. And once he was on the phone with his grandfather who lives with his family and he said “I’m at the mall” and then a beat later “my friend”, clearly answering his grandfather’s “who are you with?”

I think I like him way more than he likes me, and that terrifies me. I try my best not to ask him to hang out and wait for him to ask me. I try not to constantly text him. I just don’t want to seem too clingy because I know that’ll send him running. I want to give this time thought because it’s still so early in the relationship! I know that eventually either we’ll grow close or he’ll still keep his distance and we’ll have to end it, but I can’t not stress out over all this right now. I just need to be with him all the time and I don’t think he’s there yet, don’t know if he ever will be. He’s very introverted. Doesn’t open up a lot. He likes to keep to himself. That’s just the way he is.

Sorry, I’m not so much asking for advice as I am venting. Sometimes it feels good to just type this all out on the internet.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-05-2011 02:25 AM

And sometimes we can still reply

When someone doesn't make you feel secure, says things like "friend", it makes you want them even more and, when you've been in a useless relationship, you fear that "he" the new boyfriend will view you as why wasn't I your first boyfriend right?

Be assertive, first is over rated, if you are assertive, and make him think like you are, "does she want me?", whilst showing you do as well, none of that matters....

This is just fear, a little in-security, guys don't necessarily like to tell the world they have a girlfriend until, they have been with them for at least 4 months why? Because what if it doesn't work out? EGO ....

But, he's declared it to you, he asks you to hang out, he pays for your dates, although keep paying for what you can...and breathe

You have to learn to need "you" all the time, love you and welcome him in your life when that occurs..... stop fearing and get out there and google the word assertive and get out there and do some things for YOU....

CW