Why does my boyfriend not want to get serious?

**xstilldreaming** · 07-16-2011 11:38 AM

Well me and my boyfriend are 17, been together for 2 years, he's about to start his second year of sixth form, I'm about to start an apprenticeship but recently I've started asking him questions such as "when do you think we should move in together", "when shall we get married", "when shall we have kids" etc. He says he doesn't think we should move in together until we are 23 which upsets me a lot because I don't see why he would want to leave it that long. My apprenticeship lasts 2 years (and I'll get paid nearly £600 a month in the process) and we have no plans of going to university so within about 2 or 3 years we could both have the jobs we need to fund living together so I don't know why he wants to leave it 6 years

This is something that we frequently argue about, we live 10 miles away from each other and none of us can drive so we don't see each other as much as we would like, this sounds crazy but I suggested that I rent a flat in the town where he lives and said he could stay other whenever he likes so it's sort of like half living together and he's fine with that, so much that he said he would probably stay 4 or 5 nights a week!

I also have to add that his mum is a complete , she bullies him other her other kids because she can and he will never stand up to her, I'm wondering if she's the reason he's like this, but I just want to know if I'm the one with issues and am taking things too fast or if he's the one with issues?

**jns** · 07-16-2011 12:15 PM

It would probably be bette to save up the money instead, especially with him not wanting to move in together.

Is there public transportation in your area? If not, maybe a bicycle or two would do the trick as for seeing each other more often, even meeting somewhere in the middle. 10 miles each way is not too much unless it's mountains. I had a summer job during college that required a 7 mile ride in the morning and another at night, 5 days a week. Between the ride and work, I kept very fit. It would have been even better if it was for a relationship.

**Little** · 07-16-2011 01:55 PM

I agree, 10 miles is not extremely far. How far away is your apprenticeship, in comparison?

17 is still quite young. It would do you good to learn to live by yourself (or with a roommate who is not your boyfriend or anyone related to you) before trying to move in with someone you love. Enjoy your newfound independence! It may be that your boyfriend wants to do this before settling down in a home with you.
Though waiting until 23 seems excessive, accepting it for now will give you the opportunity to learn and grow on your own. It will give you a great deal more responsibility to yourself and others without putting all the responsibility on your joint relationship. And you never know when he might change his mind and decide to move in earlier (or, more negatively, decide to end the relationship - if you live separately, you don't have to worry about moving out if you break up!)

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-16-2011 03:45 PM

I think you should worry if he said "NO" to you getting a flat and him staying over frequently. That would suggest that he is not really serious about you.

Alot of guys see marriage as "later" when they are older ,they like their freedom to come and go, sleep in, not much responsibility which there is a lot when you are married, chores to share, bills to pay, together...

Given that neither of you at this stage have money, that's a lot of stress...Do you think that when he starts work and you, that you two can learn to have a joint savings account and start saving? That way he will get used to that pattern.

Us women are always eager to jump and leap

When in love...But, can you also afford this flat by yourself? Or if not, have you discussed the gas/electricity/rent/food with him and his contributions if he is going to stay there 4 or 5 days a week?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 07-17-2011 11:10 AM

I think he's feeling pressured by your "when will we" this and "when will we" that. If I were him, I'd be feeling pressured. Who you are and what you want at age 17 will be very different than who you are and what you want at age 23.

Why are you so eager to move in together and marry?

this sounds crazy but I suggested that I rent a flat in the town where he lives and said he could stay other whenever he likes so it's sort of like half living together and he's fine with that, so much that he said he would probably stay 4 or 5 nights a week!

I'm getting a sense of desperation here. But what for? You have a boyfriend that you enjoy and care for, so why not just let it be what it is right now and see what happens in the future?