Thread: When your ex moves on

My ex boyfriend and I have been on and off for about 10 months. He was my first serious relationship but we did have a lot of problems. Our relationship was very raw, real and complicated a lot. I don't want to get into too much detail cause I don't want my post to be book length long. But it basically came down to him having commitment issues, or what I think were commitment issues. He was very hot and cold and, for some reason, I always allowed it. Every time he got wishy washy I was there when he wanted to come back. When we had our good times they were perfect but there was also no other man that made me cry quite like he did. I really thought I loved him, so I guess that's why I stayed, I'm not even sure anymore when I look back on it. But anyway.

We broke up a little over a month ago. Well, he did the breaking up. Claiming he just "wasn't feeling happy anymore". There was a lot of bad going on in his life so I didn't think twice when he just needed space. He just told me with everything going on he just didn't feel like he could give me what I wanted right now. But he truly cares about me he just needed time. It hurt, but I understood.

About 10 days into our break up I started receiving late night texts & calls. I ignored them. I knew that if he wanted to make this work it wouldn't be through late night lonely, drunk calls. A couple days later he called me at a normal hour on a Friday. He just told me he's lonely, he wants to see me, and he's sorry. For the first time I didn't jump in my car and rush over to see him. I talked to him on the phone and I just asked him "Why?" The weight of everything he put me through just came crashing. I told him how much him throwing me away and picking me back up when he feels like it has hurt me so much. I told him he broke my heart. His response was that he didn't even know he was doing anything wrong. And even though I was sitting there crying and just coming out with everything, I don't think he ever realized what he did. So for the first time in our relationship... I told him no. I realized that if he didn't think he was doing anything wrong that nothing was going to change and in a month later I'd be tossed aside when he "wanted space". And I just couldn't allow myself to sign up for that hurt again. A couple days later I texted him, I was just really missing him. We had this joke because we both worked in sales and we'd always call each other up at the end of the day and tell funny customer stories to each other. So I said "When something funny happens I wanna tell you". I got nothing back.

Two weeks passed and I wasn't hearing anything from him and I wasn't going to reach out. I thought that maybe, just maybe, he was working on himself. I started to not focus on him and feel okay again. I was going out with friends and keeping busy with work. I went on vacation with a couple of my girlfriends and for a whole weekend he didn't even cross my mind. I was feeling like my old self again and it felt really really good. Then.. I logged onto facebook yesterday and there it was on my newsfeed. He was in a new relationship. Here I am thinking he's realized what he's done to me and he's going to come back and fight for me. I was so hopeful. The past couple weeks of happiness went down the drain. I didn't know what to feel. It was just the fact that, when I thought he was missing me he was actually getting over me. And that he just talked to me 2 weeks ago, telling me he missed me, and just like that he was seeing someone new. It's only been about a day since I saw it and I can't get it out of my head. The breakup wound feels completely new. I blocked him on facebook so I couldn't see it anymore, or obsess over it.

But my whole question, or whatever, is how exactly are you suppose to cope with this? This is my first real relationship and I've never had this happen before and I just am feeling so lost. I can only hear my girlfriends tell me so many times that he misses me and this is his way of coping that he lost me, so much before I realize it isn't true. I just need real opinions and real advice.