Relationships

**N0092** · 07-22-2011 09:14 PM

Seen a few guys post on here so thought I would give it a shot. Not exactly women's health but what the .

I'm in college and looking for a relationship. I felt like i've never had a real girlfriend. I'm decent looking, 5'10 athlete. Play tennis, guitar, and hang out with friends most of my time. Everyone has always said i'm a very nice guy, and I think that may hurt me with girls? I've never liked to/played games with girls. Always been straightforward, honest, and always really nice. I don't know if since I was straightforward I came on to strong? After talking a while I always made my intention clear. But everytime time girls either reject or back off. Any advice?

Thanks

**Mes T** · 07-22-2011 10:52 PM

Hi, welcome to the forum.

It could be you are too straight-forward for some. What do you mean when you say you don't like to play "games"? Being honest is good, but a lot of girls also appreciate a less direct, flirtatious approach. Take her out for drinks, compliment her on her smile, hold her hand... Little actions like those that make your intentions clear without killing the romance of straight out saying "You're attractive let's date."

Could you give us more info on what happened with the last girl as an example?

**N0092** · 07-23-2011 05:52 PM

Originally Posted by Mes T

Hi, welcome to the forum.

It could be you are too straight-forward for some. What do you mean when you say you don't like to play "games"? Being honest is good, but a lot of girls also appreciate a less direct, flirtatious approach. Take her out for drinks, compliment her on her smile, hold her hand... Little actions like those that make your intentions clear without killing the romance of straight out saying "You're attractive let's date."

Could you give us more info on what happened with the last girl as an example?

Thank you!
By games I mean friends tells me to "play hard to get," or the worst is to be a jerk to get a girl interested. I can't be a jerk haha it's just not me. But I guess by acting you like don't care and all of that. I don't like that i'd rather a girl appreciate me not be manipulated into it.

Uh the last girl was towards the end of the year. She worked in my dorm and we would talk every night for a few hours when she worked. We texted occasionally throughout the day for a few weeks to. Everything seemed to be going well. Then I asked her to come to dinner with me at our caf and she said she was busy. And if I remember she said that the next night to. If that happens I always get really curious and asked her what was going on. She said she was just really busy with school and everything lately. I kept on trying to figure out what was wrong though From there it seemed to fall apart. I don't know if this is because you withdraw for whatever reason, but it seems like a common occurence for me.

**Mes T** · 07-23-2011 08:23 PM

Ok. It sounds like maybe she wasn't interested in anything romantic from the beginning, and once she realized that you were, she started to back away. Maybe it's as simple as working on the ability to distinguish between people who have romantic feelings and those who don't.

If playing games isn't in your nature then don't do it. "Playing hard to get" is a bit of a tricky one, though. On the extreme end it can mean a girl or guy deliberately acting like they're not interested just for the fun of the chase, but in a more common sense it can mean acting a bit flirtatious and subtle to express your interest in a non-direct way. In a way that's a game as well, isn't it, but it's basically a "mating dance" that most of us have to do in order to find a partner.

So practice being flirtatious, and go for girls who show a romantic interest. I mean that girl that you mentioned could have been a dude, given what you described. Chats at work and the occasional texts... I don't see how that sets her apart as something other than just a friend.

**N0092** · 07-23-2011 08:58 PM

Originally Posted by Mes T

Ok. It sounds like maybe she wasn't interested in anything romantic from the beginning, and once she realized that you were, she started to back away. Maybe it's as simple as working on the ability to distinguish between people who have romantic feelings and those who don't.

If playing games isn't in your nature then don't do it. "Playing hard to get" is a bit of a tricky one, though. On the extreme end it can mean a girl or guy deliberately acting like they're not interested just for the fun of the chase, but in a more common sense it can mean acting a bit flirtatious and subtle to express your interest in a non-direct way. In a way that's a game as well, isn't it, but it's basically a "mating dance" that most of us have to do in order to find a partner.

So practice being flirtatious, and go for girls who show a romantic interest. I mean that girl that you mentioned could have been a dude, given what you described. Chats at work and the occasional texts... I don't see how that sets her apart as something other than just a friend.

Maybe I should of been a little more detailed. We would text eachother every day until we both went to sleep. And we would stay up late after her work and talk. I guess it seemed like she was interested. That could be the case though, any advice you have that can help me distinguish whether it is romantic or not?

I guess I just never considered flirting "hard to get." I guess since it is holding back some.

That's not the first girl that's done that though. I don't really understand. Then I push more to see what the deal is and it crumbles apart. I just don't know.