The other woman is bent on obliviating my relationship - oh wait, she's my mom.

**Lilithia** · 07-24-2011 06:09 PM

Joy, joy, joy.
I'm sick and frustrated and just need a place to rant with hopefully some sympathetic ears to hear me out. Please be my 5-minute-long-best-friend.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. Out of that year, only one and a half months were not a LDR. And not just any LDR. I'm in Scotland and he's in Malaysia, which makes for a 7-hour time warp between our zones. Point being made here is that our relationship is stronger than the average teenage relationship (We're both 18. Don't judge us.). It's serious. Dead serious. We've talked about the future and made decisions about it too. I don't see myself moving on to another relationship for a very, very long time and the same applies to him. Everyone who knows that we're together thinks that it's an ideal match of personalities, the kind of relationship that's supposed to happen.

Well, almost everyone. Mother dearest is dead set against him. But you see, she's dead set against me entering a romantic relationship any time before the ripe old age of 27. I'd really like to get married before my ovaries decide to shut down, unreasonable as that might sound.
So anyway, she's been constantly trying to end our relationship. Constantly. From straight out demanding that I end it, to playing mind games to screw with us. She's not above hitting below the belt to achieve what she wants.
And it's so exhausting.

Call me crazy, but all I want is for her to just act like so many other parents out there who are alright with their child's relationship, for christssake. I look around at my friends who are all enjoying healthy relationships with their parents' approval and I just scream at the frustration of it all.
She's made so many things really difficult for us, and sometimes my boyfriend and I just break down and cry.

I'm going insane here trying to make things work, and I'm not sure I can continue handling this. Sooner or later someone going to experience death-by-fork-stabs.

End rant. Thank you for listening.
I just want to fix this.

**Little** · 07-24-2011 07:10 PM

Do you still live with your mother? If so, why? I read on your last thread that you were headed to college. Are you moving out when the fall semester starts? Even moving into the dorms should help your relationship with your mother.
Why does she think you should stay away from relationships until after 27? Does it have to do with your intended career? Is there any rationalreason why she might object?
Sounds like she might fear her baby growing up. It's normal. In societies where children "leave the nest," conflict is common during the years before they leave, and can escalate as time grows shorter. Has she previously shown signs that she does not want to let go? If you have siblings, does she exert control over them as well?
Not all parents are made equal. Being manipulative and controlling are not the worst qualities - they probably helped her raise you when you were 5. They just aren't helping now. The "normal" parents you're thinking of are probably also quite flawed.

On your relationship: The reason why "most" teenaged relationships do not work is because people grow in stages, especially when they are exposed to new people, new ideas, and new locations. As you learn and grow, you will change. If you go to college and don't change in some ways, something is WRONG! The same goes for your boyfriend. There's no reason to beat yourself up or step on your own feet trying to defend yourself or your relationship ... to your mother or anybody on this board!
Long distance relationships are difficult and painful. They are a short-term solution to a big problem. Thankfully, yours already has a "due date." How much longer do you have on that 18 months that he'd be away? Seems like you need some support from people who understand LDRs.

If you are living with your mother and will continue to, you need to do your best to settle this. If she is the type, you can have a heart-to-heart with her about how this is damaging your relationship with her. You're an adult who needs to be allowed to make her own decisions, decisions that should be respected. If she's not the type for feelings, talking it out, or reconciliatory hugs, you can tell her the same things matter-of-factly. Ask her to leave the subject alone. Break off any future conversation she has about it. It'll be difficult because of you sharing the same home, so try to be as nice as you can.
If you don't live with her, no need to be overly nice. Inform her she's insulted you with her meddling and you won't have it. The same as the last paragraph, but don't bother walking on eggshells if you don't think it'll work.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-26-2011 03:17 PM

It's difficult to add anything else into what Little has stated, without you firstly answering her questions

I know it was a vent but with those answers we can see a little more clearer and maybe help find that solution to "fix this"

I also want to know what do you mean you two cry about what she is doing? Is she stopping you from using the computer for instance to try to stop your talk time?

Do you think as a typical "Mum" she may think it's not possible, real because of the different countries in this long distance and that your heart will get broken so "over protective mum"...