he wants me to eat more .
Ive been with my boyfriend now for just over 7 months. He's allways encouraging me to eat more and gain some weight because he doesnt like "sticks". But heres the problem I have with that, he always goes on and on about how this skinny girl is hot or this one is sexy. I have gained atleast 10 pounds and lost pretty much all my curves. I used to have a problem with annorexia so even though Im not "fat" I do have a problem with how I look now, but i know im at a heathier wieght.
I really dont know what to do here. It bothers me that he wants me to be fat but hes attracted to skinny girls. even though he says he loves me he never calles me "beautiful" Im allways just "cute" to him .
This would be incredibly insensitive in ANY situation, but especially in one where he knows you at one time had an eating disorder. He should be reassuring you that he loves you, is attracted to you the way you are, etc.
Were you skinny when you met him? I assume so, and if so, did he not have a problem with it then? If not, then he's purposely doing this to break you down.
How much do you weigh and what is your height?
"Be what you're looking for."
"The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."
Make an appointment for his rear end to meet with your foot and the curb.Originally Posted by pdsky
He's extremely insensitive and has neither your emotional, mental, nor physical well being at heart. I'm sure if you gained some more weight for him, eventually he'd decide that you're "too fat," simply because he has a need to feel superior to you and wants to find ways to break you down.
pd, no one should ever tell you that you need to look a "certain way" to suite their preferences. This is wrong and is superficial. The man you are with should see you as beautiful for the person you are, not what you could be with a few tweaks here and there. He should want you to be happy and healthy, not hold you to some unattainable "standard" - I mean, really now - you're a human being with real feelings, a person.. not some AKC purebred.
It is one thing if you're dangerously underweight and your boyfriend is trying to encourage you to get healthy ...but even if that were the case, the way he is going about it is just not okay. He needs to be told this. He needs to understand that the way he is speaking to you and making you feel, is absolutely uncalled for and not acceptable! And if he doesn't get it, then he needs to get out.
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
As others have said, he should not be holding you to some standard. If he thinks you are dangerously underweight though, he may be trying to help and just going about it the wrong way. Do you know your body mass index, or your weight and height? I can't tell if he is being unreasonable, or if he has a valid reason for concern.
when I first met him I weighed 110-115, but now I weigh inbetween 125-130 ( my wieght changes everyday) and im 5'4. I still have problems with eating, I hate doing it but I know I have too. Like I understand his point "he doesnt want me to be a stick, its no fun hugging skin and bones" but at the same time it would be nice if he appreciated me a heck of a lot more.
At 5'4'', 125-130 is absolutely ideal. Basically, you're the perfect weight for your height. It's utterly ridiculous to think he is even mentioning your weight. If he is concerned about you becoming anorexic again, this is a very tactless and insensitive way to get his message across.
Why are you weighing yourself every day? Women's weight fluctuates each day based on water weight. I truly believe it's not healthy to weigh every day and get hung up on a lb or two, or way or the other.
Tell him you don't want to hug an insensitive jerk either.he doesnt want me to be a stick, its no fun hugging skin and bones
He's dragging you down and that is something you simply don't need. Low self esteem for you isn't just low self esteem, but can be deadly if it leads to a resurfacing of the anorexia. You should be very VERY proud of yourself for getting past this disease even though it is a daily struggle.
"Be what you're looking for."
"The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."
You are at a healthy weight, no reason to change. If he doesn't appreciate you as you are, find someone who does.
Exactly. If he wants you to "gain weight" he might as well find someone who's at his "desired weight". Don't change your body for anyone.
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