Dating Newbie (needs advice)

**Codex123** · 07-27-2011 06:06 PM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and he's my first boyfriend. We are both in our twenties and he’s had past girlfriends. We haven’t been intimate yet and that’s mainly because of me and my stricter upbringing. My boyfriend has had relations in the past with his last girlfriend and I can’t help but feel that by holding back I’m inadequate to her in some way. My boyfriend has time and time again assured me that he loves me regardless of what we do and that he respects my decision. However I still feel a lot of pressure and also that I’m sort of letting him down.

Is it ridiculous for me to feel this way? And is there anything I can do to get over his past and focus on our present relationship (because I feel like I’m obsessing over his past relationships)?

**Mes T** · 07-28-2011 02:06 AM

Your boyfriend probably knew about your stricter upbringing going into the relationship, am I right?

Yet he still chose you? I think he's telling you the truth when he says he loves you no matter what. He's with YOU now, not with his ex girlfriend, YOU.

As for his "past"... Finding someone who's never dated before is near impossible. And why would you want someone who's had no experience?

All of our "exs" and just practice for the "right one" that comes along. One of my friends has been married twice, and tells his second wife that his first marriage was just practice until he met the real thing.

I think if you had dated someone else before as well, you wouldn't have these insecurities.

**Codex123** · 07-31-2011 08:05 AM

Thanks for the advice, I'll try to keep your words in mind the next time I feel insecure.

Recently a close friend of my boyfriend called me by the name of my boyfriend's ex. Honestly it really threw me off and made the feeling of inadequacy go through the roof. I know it's not like my boyfriend said it but his friends are the people most closest to him. I don't want to over think it because it was probably a slip of the tongue but I would have thought that his friends would be over her if my boyfriend has moved on.

**jns** · 07-31-2011 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by Codex123

Thanks for the advice, I'll try to keep your words in mind the next time I feel insecure.

Recently a close friend of my boyfriend called me by the name of my boyfriend's ex. Honestly it really threw me off and made the feeling of inadequacy go through the roof. I know it's not like my boyfriend said it but his friends are the people most closest to him. I don't want to over think it because it was probably a slip of the tongue but I would have thought that his friends would be over her if my boyfriend has moved on.

Did he or she correct the name right away. Sometimes when you call a name out without thinking, there is an association with the proper name from the past, not the present. Don't worry about that.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-05-2011 04:46 PM

You know when you are in your 20's and you have had a boyfriend for 1 year, with no sexual intercourse, he has to be madly in love with you looking for a future

I have called my fiance my ex's name and him me, accidentally.. Plus, his friend may have been under alot of stress, our minds can revert forward, present and past at any given time for no reason

**Kalusraf** · 08-08-2011 07:01 AM

Hi just wanted to give my input.
Yes I am a guy, and I was in the same position as your bodyfriend.
Was dating a mormon girl, so everything besides cuddling was off the table.

To keep it short, dated for nearly 2 years, yet had to break up because of cultural/religious differences.
She had me waiting around 15 months before sleeping with me, this was ofc rather hard, not being able to sleep with the woman I loved.
But as I said, I loved her more than anything, so it didn't really matter, I was with her and that was all that mattered.

I am still very good friends with this girl, since it was a mutual decision to break it up.

If you haven't slept with him ever, you can bet he loves you.
Don't know anyone that would act like that unless they had genuine feelings for the girl.

On another note, don't be cruel and let him wait too long