Boyfriend. 22y/o Premature Ejaculation. Concerned Girlfriend.

**Rero** · 07-28-2011 09:35 PM

I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 monthes. He is a healthy active 22 y/o male. He has been experiencing premature ejaculation all his life. He has only had one previous sexual/romantic relationship. His P.E caused his previous relationship to crumble and led to his previous girlfriend’s infidelity.

He ejaculates within 20 seconds of vaginal penetration. He can hold his stamina much longer during oral sex(15 min). I believe he has performance anxiety due to previous relationship baggage, but I also believe a percentage of the P.E. problems are physical as well.

I am encouraging and sensitive to his emotional needs, but he continues to dwell on his lack of performance and is incredible insecure. He keeps thinking that I am unsatisfied and I am going to leave. Yes, I do prefer a vaginal orgasm, but he has developed very good oral skill that keep me satisfied. I repeatedly have to tell him this. When he does ejaculate he can get hard again within 15min, but again experience P.E.
I feel like a sexual deviant because I want to have vaginal intercourse instead of oral sex. I know a lot of his interest in vaginal intercourse stems from great amounts of insecurity.

He is intelligent and resourceful when it comes to extensive research regarding methods to increase stamina. He has not spoken to a doctor about this. He is not interested in taking medication
I love him very much and willing to work with him. We enjoy a very sensual relationship and I am very happy/satisfied. I am concerned for his behalf.

Anyone have experiences similar?
Suggestions about what I/he can do?
Any sexual positions to help with stamina?
Anything more I can do to quell his insecurities?

**Seeker_Advice** · 07-29-2011 10:37 AM

Yes, millions of men have this same 'challenge'.

Suggestions on what to do? Read, read and read some more about it. Research it to death on the internet. Ask him to stop masturbating for thirty days (at least).
Have him enter you while hard and do no thrusting (you either), just lay with him inside of you. Then have him pull out. Wait. Re-enter again. repeat. It may sound stupid but a lot of this is going to be training or retraining his mind and his anatomy to work in sync.

This is not a HIM problem but a YOU (two of you together) problem that will probably need both of you to resolve and it's not going to be easy or quick. It's going to take time, a patient and understanding partner (you) and work from both of you.

I've never heard of any positions that 'help' with this but one of the preferred ones is in the spoon position where you're both laying on your side and he enters you from behind.

Meds suck! Because they rob you of your libido and tend to 'flat line' our (male's) sexual desires.

I've read a book titled "She Comes First" by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D and it seems to have helped me improve my skills. Perhaps it will help him/you too.

**sallywi2003** · 07-29-2011 11:14 AM

My current boyfriend had some of the same issues when we started our relationship. In the beginning like you said 20 seconds done and leaves you wanting more. What we did is in line with a comment above we started doing a lot of foreplay at the beginning and bringing him to the brink of orgasm then we would lay together for awhile and then start over. After the forplay time then we went to the vaginal penetration and enter me and just stay there and again we would bring him to the brink and he would pull out and we would lay together for awhile and go through the process again. This probably took 6 months of working with him so he would no0t orgasm immediately and it would last about 15 to 20 minutes before it was over. Much more satisfying.

**jns** · 07-29-2011 09:59 PM

Originally Posted by sallywi2003

My current boyfriend had some of the same issues when we started our relationship. In the beginning like you said 20 seconds done and leaves you wanting more. What we did is in line with a comment above we started doing a lot of foreplay at the beginning and bringing him to the brink of orgasm then we would lay together for awhile and then start over. After the forplay time then we went to the vaginal penetration and enter me and just stay there and again we would bring him to the brink and he would pull out and we would lay together for awhile and go through the process again. This probably took 6 months of working with him so he would no0t orgasm immediately and it would last about 15 to 20 minutes before it was over. Much more satisfying.

Thank you for your testimonial. Many may not believe these techniques can work, but they do if you commit to the long haul.

**JoeyB** · 07-30-2011 06:07 AM

This can be fixed. Pulling out, going in and not moving are good techniques. Get a book on it. This can be fixed over some time.

**T-man** · 08-03-2011 10:02 AM

Hey there,

You are really supportive girlfriend and should be congratulated. You are not and should not feel bad for wanting vaginal intercourse.

Not ashamed to say that this was me a fair few years ago. Not anymore :-)
This is mostly a mental problem. Nervousness hastens ejaculation, confidence delays it. Of course, confidence comes from delaying it. Tricky problem.

Everything the other contributors said makes no sense. Except I wouldn't recommend stopping masturbation. It can be very useful for overcoming this problem. It can be used in line with what the others suggested to do during sex, bring himself close to orgasm then back off.

The most important thing here is control and confidence. confidence comes with control and leads to control, its a circle. On top of the other suggestions he should also build strength in his PC muscle. This is the muscle that stops urination mid stream. This muscle should then be used during sex. as he approaches orgasm he should squeeze the muscle as hard as possible and for as long as possible. this helps to control the orgasm to stop and help him to back of. I feel this is the singular most important thing, besides determination and the willingness to fix this, in the overcoming the problem.

In one sense you may be lucky, he has already developed oral skills that are probably better than most men's. Often those with this problem who learn to overcome it become fantastic lovers. Because they don't just focus on pumping and their penis and really do care about their partners pleasure.

As for myself, I no longer have problem, adore making love to my girl, and even regularly experience male multiple orgasms. Trust me, the PC muscle is the key.

Good luck