Thread: 23 years old, mother hates my boyfriend and hates me seeing him.

Every time I think things are better in my life..it's always SOMETHING!

I have a tough situation, me and my boyfriend have been together for approximately 1 year and 4 months..we've had our good times and bad but we're happy with each other. Let me give you some background about my boyfriend first, he is a 22 year old Latino living with his parents and 17 year old brother..they are from Guatemala. He's currently attending Nursing school and will graduate next year. His family does not have much money and live in a small home, but they are very close-knit and despite my fears, have been very welcoming and loving towards me, except the little brother..he's a jealous little you-know-what and it drives me crazy but I ignore the dirty looks and stay kind and cordial to him. My boyfriend does not have his drivers license and is unable to drive at the time due to the family's' financial situation. I, myself did not get my drivers license until I was 21.

Now, some background on my mother and I, we lost my biological father to cancer when I was 8 years old, she's had an array of boyfriends, some were drinkers, some were cheaters and some were great. She finally settled down and married my step father in 2004, they had a pretty good marriage and I loved him as my own father. We lost him to suicide in the fall of 2008, after he had lost his job, became depressed and my mother said alot of terrible things to him one night in an argument from which he abruptly left...and that was the last time I saw him until the police knocked on our door to deliver the terrible news. This was a very rough time for me and my mother, I was in the midst of finals at University, and it was very difficult to be a source of comfort to my mother and do well in school. I have my own paid for vehicle.

My mother and I have had a very rocky relationship throughout my life, one minute she is proud of me, the next minute I'm a failure and disappointment. She complains that I do not clean the house regularly or properly or take care of our 3 dogs ( 1 dog brought along by my step father), she is disappointed in my academic path( she wanted me to be a veterinarian, I chose to double major in Japanese and Sociology), she even tells me how disappointed she is that I lost my virginity in Japan during study abroad..when I was 22 years old! That is disgusting! She has even come in my bedroom and discovered personal items ( lubricant, condoms and a vibrator) and told me how she thinks I'm a nasty freak! I recently graduated from University and I am currently unemployed, but career aspects are looking good so far. She makes me do double the house work since I am unemployed and I can never sleep past 8am...ever.
She rubs unemployment in my face all the time, saying if I just became a veterinarian like she asked me to, I would have a job and financial security...just completely overlooking the fact that I busted my tail taking 20 credits each semester, double majoring, learning 3 languages ( Spanish, Japanese and Swedish) all while working part-time! I was recently prescribed anti-depressants and have been seeking therapy to better our relationship.

She cannot stand my boyfriend because of his ethnicity, the way he dresses and the way he speaks. She feels that he doesn't make the proper effort to do things for me ( this is not true, he fills up my gas tank when he can, takes public transportation to meet me places, takes me to nice lunches/dinner, buys me things for special occasions and even does things for my grandmother when I'm not around! She has banned him from coming to our home because of her beliefs about him. She believes he is a down-low homosexual because of how he dresses, his hair and the company he keeps, that he's sleeping with men behind my back and I"m a fool. She feels he is a moocher for my vehicle even though everywhere we go it's for US not HIM individually.

My boyfriend is not homophobic, his roommate when he was living on campus at nursing school is a homosexual, they have been friends for over 10 years..even before this man came out. My boyfriend is an artist and is pro-gay marriage, but that doesn't make him gay! He has shown me photos of all his ex girlfriends, has been very honest about his history and very open. I am even good friends with his ex-girlfriend whom is very warm and loving towards me..we are all very close.

My mother has even said that the mere thought of me being with Andres makes my mother physically sick and angry with rage, because he is not whom she thought I would end up with. He is my first relationship, first boyfriend and second sexual experience.

I am 23 years old, I respect and love my mother wholeheartedly and will do whatever it takes to please her. However, I want to begin my life too, despite the difficulties in my life I am focused on finding employment and making my own life. I can't however expect the person Im dating to rush or hurriedly advance his lifestyle to accommodate mine. Me and my mother are rather affluent and work very hard, we live in a two story home with 3 dogs ..you can imagine the cleaning! I believe my mother is so hard wired on her racial tensions and socio-economic comparisons that she doesn't see how loving and caring my boyfriend is.

The bigger situation is, he went on a cross country road trip with 4 males all expenses paid, one of whom was his friend who is a homosexual. 2 of the guys have girlfriends that I am friends with. This guy knows that my boyfriend does not have much money, and offers to pay for some things knowing my boyfriend will reimburse him later. Well, my mother believes he is paying him back in sexual favors and cheated on me with this guy during his trip away. " If he can take a trip with a man, why can't he take you on a trip?" Is her argument.

Me and my mother have very different outlooks on life, I know she wants what is best for me and doesn't want me to be a fool. I don't feel like a fool and do not feel I'm being taken advantage of for my vehicle or my money. I feel I should be able to see my boyfriend whether i'm the one coming to him or vice versa. I respect her house rules, have been top of my game cleaning and caring for our pets around the clock , all while diligently searching for employment and doing whatever she requests of me. I do not wish to move out right now because I feel I have a moral obligation until I have a full-time job and my own place.

What do I do? I want to be able to be with my boyfriend and see him when I want to, but I want to avoid these confrontations with my mother. I don't want her to kick me out..but I don't want to be a slave and break up with my boyfriend just because she has her opinions of him.