Hard Decision

**jabooloo14** · 08-01-2011 05:26 PM

So... about a month ago my bf and I split up. We had been dating for about 2 years. He said the reason he broke up with me is because I'm too clingy, I look too much into the future, and I constantly nag him to death. I told him at the same time that he treated me awful and he didn't deserve a person like me.

A week after we broke up he begged me to come back. We made a compromise with each other. I told him he would have to stop treating me bad and that he would have to acknowledge that he is sharing his life with someone and he would have to stop being so selfish. He told me that I'm going to have to get a job, stop nagging him all the time, stop being too clingy, and stop being so jealous.

For the first week it was ok. I had to face my fear of him talking to his ex gf (Was this a good idea?). I also had to stop being clingy, which was extremely hard for me since I'm a touchy-feelly person. I've also put in a lot of job applications as well. He has done nothing on his part since we've been back together. He still calls me fat and he still thinks everything has to go his way. In his mind he has done a lot for our relationship, when to me it seems like I've done all the work.

All in all I'm not sure if I should trust my heart and try to be with him even longer or if I should trust what my mind says and leave... I need help and advice.

**LanaBear** · 08-01-2011 05:33 PM

Help and advice...

You need to break it off, tell him bye and don't look back.

Trust your mind, nobody deserves to be called names.

Sweety, if he's calling you fat and thinks the world revolves around him, he doesn't deserve you. Hold your head up high and leave.

**jns** · 08-01-2011 05:35 PM

These things cannot be stopped by just saying so. It will take a lot of work on both your parts to fix the problems. Getting in another relationship will get rid of his problems but will not fix your problems.

**LanaBear** · 08-01-2011 05:38 PM

JNS makes a good point... I still think you need to call it quits with this guy, but you also have some stuff to work on.

You can be touchy feely without being clingy. Gain some confidence and try not to stick like glue to the next guy. Maybe take some time for yourself. Go out with friends, take up a new hobby, make sure you feel secure in yourself and your future before getting into a new relationship.

**jabooloo14** · 08-01-2011 05:40 PM

The only problem is that we've both trying to mold each other to each other's approval. We both know the flaws we have. And his mind works like a child. He's a 27 yr old little boy. We both want this to work out. I'm giving it 500%. He's only giving like 20%. I just don't know how to talk to him without seeming like I'm nagging him.

And my mind knows that I can do better, but my heart has chosen him. I fell in love with him and my heart wants to stick with him. I know that I can make this work, but this time around I don't want to be the only one doing the work. I just don't know how to make him see that he's got to let go of himself and do whatever he possibly can to save us.

**LanaBear** · 08-01-2011 05:46 PM

You can't make anybody see anything though. He can only see what he wants, when he decides to see it.

You need to do what is good and healthy for you, I don't get the feeling he is. Anybody who is degrading you as a person does not deserve to be in your company.

You two parted ways once and he came calling you for you to come back. You did. You need to part ways again. If he wants to change, he needs to prove that BEFORE you come back to him. Not make you promises that he has no intentions of keeping.

**jabooloo14** · 08-01-2011 05:56 PM

The only problem is my heart sees that I can win. I know that I can make this whole thing work. We work together just fine, it's just now that I was apart from him and saw all the wrong he was doing I'm not going to back down from the fight. This time I'm going to stand my ground and finally be just as selfish as him. Me being selfish is sort of getting what I want, but I don't want to be that person again. I used to be just like him, but I grew a heart. And I know that he can be just like me now. I know he does have a heart, it's just he thinks he has a reputation to uphold. And at times it seems like he's ready for the change, but as soon as I get progress from him he relapses.

**LanaBear** · 08-01-2011 06:04 PM

Well, then, I guess you have your answer.

Protect your heart and self in the process and good luck.

**jabooloo14** · 08-01-2011 06:13 PM

I've honestly been trying my best to protect myself from anymore hurt, but I'm a very fragile person. I take things wayy too serious, which is a flaw on my part. The only problem with me protecting myself from hurt is that I'm starting to become a person who has no emotions... and I don't want to be that way :/

And I strongly want to be with him. So I'm fighting myself to stay with him.