Past relationships...

**jabooloo14** · 08-03-2011 03:57 AM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Honey, staying friends with ex's is okay, providing there is nothing to hide, you know? Like you meet them too, know about them, them about you and boundries are not crossed. Pictures is boundries crossed.... You can post a picture on facebook to keep things up to date with "friends" not, personally to your ex...If he tells you, you are crazy? You tell him what I said, and that he is crossing the boundries...Imagine if he, found photos on your phone from "men" just friends he'd flip right?

The problem is he knows he can get away with it, just put it back on you, yet you get angry because you know that he's wrong and he's trying to blame you..yet you can't yet stand up for what is moral..Now is the time

You know it is guys like this "the blame game, pfttt, it's you not me" that bring women down to be more in-secure...they know that they are wrong, they truly do.. What they hate and run to is a woman who does the reverse, pfttt you are gone, nothing wrong with keeping ex's as friends but accepting their photos is disrespectful, guess what? I am worth more............

Spanner in the works? Now that you have said that? He's in-secure not you and he's bringing you to his level because he thinks that you will run off with someone better, make you jealous and you'll stay, love him and think he's the best of the best, you'll stay, fall down to his level,darn should have read that first

So mam,go back to who you were and smile, call him out, tell him you love him and tell him no photos or else....If the above paragraph is correct? You'll know that is what it was, if not and he thinks he is better and he is just doing what he wants you will also know because the first one is "caught out" and he'll admit it...

That's exactly what I plan to do. Tomorrow I am going to tell him about how much the pictures hurt me. I'm also going to tell him that if he wants me to get over my insecurity then he has to delete the pictures. I can't really give him any ultimatums because he will just flipped out on me, but I am going to give him the pros and cons of deleting the new pictures of his ex. And I've got to explain to him that I'm ok with the talking, it's just keeping the pictures of her that she sends him. Like he even has a picture of her in his wallet of when they dated (which was 3 years ago). He doesn't have any other girls' pictures in his wallet, not even one of me. He's really not helping me get over my insecurity at all. And that's why I'm going to try my best to make him see that what he's doing is what is keeping me insecure.

Thank you so much to talking with me about this. I'm glad to see that I'm not crazy lol.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-03-2011 04:37 AM

See I've never been insecure in my life. I used to think that I was the best of the best (I used to be pretty conceited). And since I've never had to experience this I don't really know how to tackle it.

Ooops:P For others? I forgot to write what the spanner in the works was

Your comment above.. I tend to answer as I read....

Now you are not crazy but you still are not seeing

"Before I met you, I knew my worth, so what's with the pictures? To make me feel in-secure? Do you feel that way with me? Or are you like me, the real me, think you are the best?

" " Either way, it's disrespectful talk to your friends I don't care but accept pictures? Yeah na, I don't think that's respectful and I don't appreciate it, think about it, talk to you after you have that think"

BE ASSERTIVE MAM, whom you were.

**jabooloo14** · 08-03-2011 10:40 AM

Well I did end up writing him a letter describing everything that's going on in my mind. And I definitely talked about how the pictures are not helping me at all.

We actually talked this morning after having sex about it all. I apologized to him about being crazy last nite and over-reacting when his ex called him last nite. I told him that the pictures have to go. I asked him what reason he had for keeping them and he said he doesn't have any reason. In his mind he thinks that they are just pictures, he doesn't get the principle of the fact that they are of his ex-girlfriend. I told him that there is no reason why any person should keep new pictures of their exes when they are with a different girl. An ex is part of your past, so there's no reason to have present pictures of them on your phone. He seemed to act like he understood where I was coming from and he said that he would delete the pictures from his phone and that he would delete future pictures he gets from his exes.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-03-2011 03:08 PM

Delete future pictures of his ex? Well, in my opinion, he should text his ex, and say, my girlfriend is not the jealous type, I'm lucky, however, she feels that current pictures of ex's is not appropriate, so fair call, I agree maybe it's not, talk soon.....maybe actually the three of us should catch up you'd like her.....

**Taos** · 08-05-2011 10:47 PM

jabooloo14,

It depends on the content of the contact. If the relationship lasted for a year or longer and your boyfriend is still friends with his ex, then I can understand friendly conversation. But in no manner should his friendship with his ex cause friction between the two of you.

I would not be offended were my G/F to talk with her ex. But I might be concerned if they were to meet for lunch w/o my knowledge. That would be a violation of trust.

A girl I once dated told me that she used to have sex with her first husband while she was married to her second husband. What she was telling me was that I should not trust her, which I didn't. But having sex with a former husband/boyfriend is much different than friendly conversation.

jabooloo14, if you suspect more than conversation, find a new boyfriend. If you can't trust him now, you'll never be able to trust him. But if it's just innocent conversation and nothing more, I wouldn't lose sleep over it. However, if it bothers you, tell him that you'd prefer that he has not contact with his ex.

Good Luck,

Taos

**jabooloo14** · 08-10-2011 01:05 AM

Actually a few days ago we almost broke up about it... He sees that I'm just overreacting about everything and he says that it's just general conversation between them, I have to admit at first I did not believe him, and so I checked him phone, and it was all general conversation between two ppl. The only problem is that when I knew she called him and we weren't at the phone he texted her back saying he was with a buddy... He was with me out to eat... I'm more scared of why he couldn't tell her he was with me and didn't want to upset me...? And god knows I can't ask him about it because then he will get mad at me for looking through his phone... Ok worrying and jealousy is no fun what so ever. All I know is that ever chance he gets alone he talks to her and that worries me... a lot.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-13-2011 03:23 PM

Does she know about you?

**Tucci** · 08-15-2011 10:39 AM

I would be skeptical of this particular ex, if this is all the same one. Pictures? Why? There is no reason to be sending him pictures of herself. The "out with a buddy" thing also worries me. Does she know he has a girlfriend? Does she not know you are back together? It sounds to me like they might not quite be over eachother. There's just a few signs they're being sneaky, but I wouldn't jump the gun. Continue to watch the situation closely. I wouldn't say he's cheating, but something just doesn't seem right from what you've said.

**jns** · 08-15-2011 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by jabooloo14

Do you think it's alright to talk to exes when you're in another relationship?

In my opinion I believe that you should leave the past in the past. There's not much of a reason to really keep talking to your exes after your relationship is through.

I agree for the most part, but children together can change that.

If both people in a relationship are agreeable to talking with exes, there is no problem.

**Crystalblue** · 08-15-2011 03:25 PM

I don't think you're over reacting by this upsetting you, and it looks like nobody else here does either. He may be giving you reasons why it shouldn't upset you, but even so, you shouldn't be talked in to feeling like you're over reacting if he's doing something that makes you uncomfortable.

The bottom line is he's doing it, and seems set on continuing. He's described you as a buddy to an ex girlfriend. Would anybody be ok with that? I know I wouldn't. If you don't like it and you've talked about it, it seems like he doesn't value and respect you enough to stop. Why would you want to stay in a relationship based on that?