he needs tips on "how to keep his wandering eye in check"?

**Seeker_Advice** · 08-12-2011 10:39 AM

This, very clearly IMO, is a YOU problem and NOT a him problem.

Yes, just like flicking a light switch you have to decide to get over it...or lose him because of your behavior. You decide.

No man is going to stand for this type of behavior for very long. I would hope that no woman would stand for it either.

He should be able to comment about others just as you should be able to comment as well. Perhaps you could take the comments he says and use them as the basis on which to start a mature discussion. Next time he turns his head when an attractive female walks by, ask him what he finds attractive about her? Use that information to your benefit.

We all get comfortable in our relationships with our lovers/partners/SOs and a little 'fire to our feet' is good for all of us. So, instead of making/turning everything into something negative...turn it around and make it positive.

Is your glass half full or half empty? It's the same glass. It just depends on how you look at it.

He is with YOU. He loves YOU. End of story....

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-12-2011 03:29 PM

but his email still concerned me. he may need tips on how to control the wandering eye? why? does he think it will become so much of a problem that it might destroy the realtionship? or does he want to stop noticing women completely so that he can 100% devote him to me. im just not sure where his intentions lie, since he does admit that he may have or does already have a wandering eye. is this wandering eye harmless? or is he worried its going to get worse and worse over the years?

Simply put.. You will destroy the relationship, it will end, because no "person" can cope with constant, questions, mis-trust, in-security, snooping and being told off..

Seeker was very blunt and so I edited, however, he used one word I should have left, "paranoid". This is something you really have to go and get under control.. Even if this boy leaves, so will others unless you stop questioning one question after another after another even though "we" see, it as harmless and a conversation with a mate, you still question, question, question so your mind will not let what we say sink in at all. Your doubts will eat you alive and keep doing so...

Are you OCD? Or is it just total in-security?

Think hard, this is serious it will affect all of your life unless you get this under control...

And classic results of snooping is over thinking....

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-12-2011 06:06 PM

I completely , or almost completely disagree with seeker on this one. I don't think its necessary for a relationship to thrive to comment on everyone you find attractive... its the most unecessary thing in the world in my opinion for anyone , relationship or not. So a pretty girl walks by, she's living her life... she has a man at home, maybe, either way 9/10 she isn't thinking about the guy checking her out or noticing her... through she may appreciate the attention/ego boost. I do NOT see how in the world it benefits the couple for the man to say 'wow she is so hot' and rubber neck over his shoulder... and for the woman to say..'thank you for sharing that honey, what is so beautiful toyou about her?' to which he may reply 'oh her huge rack, those boobs are fantastic and BIG... to which is small chest (in this scenerio) gf is to use that 'to her benefit' UM how?? I just don't see the point.

No more than I'd see the point in a woman pointing out a man she see's that she thinks would provide better for her... wow, he must have a really good job, look at those shoes...I'm so impressed with his car, he's so obviously increddibly successful ... to her minimum wage earning husband. Seriously? A relationship would go belly up if couples couldn't do that to each other? :|

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-12-2011 07:11 PM

I think Seeker was trying to say don't be threatened and if you pose the questions then maybe you have a more of an understanding if on a mature level.

I understand where you are coming from HD, it would more than likely add more fuel to the fire add more in-security and probably become disrespectful at some point, as he makes her un-easy about it all. Also I understand, that the assumption that it would make the girl what? Look after herself better? May have meant, "her long hair" meaning simply that he likes long hair and admires that, as much as I admire for instance a long winter coat with a pollar neck on a man... That passing comment to me is fine. I think that works for say 60 year olds and more, as they are totally comfortable with the 40 years they have been together and the love they have, that would just be reminisance

**jns** · 08-13-2011 12:04 PM

Originally Posted by wishy0uwerehere

my boyfriend is the most wonderfully caring, loving, attentive, sensitive, and sweet person ive ever met. he loves me and i love him. hes never done anything deserving of me not trusting him, but somehow i cant get 100% there. weve been together almost a year...i should probably have my stuff together by now, no? i constantly find myself checking his emails, questioning his whereabouts when he tells me he cant hang out, and generally dreaming up scenarios about him cheating on me. and it seems to be getting worse despite his and my best efforts. im going to drive this realtionship into the ground. and if i cant trust this one, the perfect one, how can i ever trust anyone else? how can i ever love anyone else? and, finally, how can i NOT end up dying alone if i keep up this pessimism?

Has your bf done anything to make you doubt him? You may need to work on yourself about this. Do you have any way to get counseling? If that doesn't work, possible a psychologist could help you lessen your reactions.