how to stop being so dependent on my boyfriend

**cassy87** · 08-16-2011 01:50 AM

hi all

so i think this is a common problem, woman being more dependent on their other half's.
i really need some advice on how to get myself out of this, because in the long run i think its causing unnecessary stress on our relationship.

i sometimes realizes that my whole life has started to revolve around him ( iv let this happen) ill drop anything in order to be there for him and do anything for him, so now im basically living on the edge waiting and wondering where is he when will i see him what should i be doing.

yes this all seems really bad ( and makes me seem very desperate and compulsive)
he does love me and we are happy but i am causing myself unnecessary stress and neglecting important aspects in my life.

any ideas on what i should be doing to curb my unnecessary behavior and start living my life and stop being so dependent.

i understand this post makes me seem quite silly to say the least but im hoping for some honest help and advice.

thanks again

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-16-2011 04:24 AM

It's not silly at all.

When we don't have goals? Directions? Hobbies? Friends we "want" to see we lose our independence as well as when a person makes us feel that we should be there for them...

What you need is to own yourself and give to him as togetherness, two people as one but independent.

And if you ever felt un-loved? Then if you feel threatened you will "depend"

How about giving us some more information from the beginning , how you feel , felt before him what the reason is that you think that you depend on him for.

CW

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-16-2011 06:53 AM

What kind of things to do you enjoy that do not involve him? If you can't think of anything, think of something.

It's great that you're reaching out, because being that dependent is very damaging to both you and him. If he's not equally as clingy, then your dependency on him for happiness is most like a lot of pressure on him. He also misses out on getting to see the "real" you. Does he get to see you doing things you enjoy? Does he get to see you come alive? No... and therefore he's missing out.

On the other side of that coin is the potential for breakup. Despite how strongly you feel it couldn't happen, it could and where will you be if your sole existance revolves around his?

So it's time. Start going to aerobics, call up some of those girlfriends you've let fall to the waste side, start thinking of things YOU enjoy (crafts? painting? reading? hiking?).