My boyfriend is being distant...need advice!

**rockergirl155** · 08-16-2011 09:48 AM

I have a unique situation. I have been married for 4 years. We are completely miserable and he has been sleeping on the couch for the past 3 years. I have just sort of been dealing with it until I can afford to move out. I am in grad school and cannot afford anything until I can work full time. I am however, in the process of moving into my moms house for the time being. I unexpectedly met someone in class. He is incredible and we have been having a wonderful time together. He is nothing like my husband, but everything I would want in a man. Things have been going blissfully perfect for the past 3 months. I really honestly think he is who I am meant to be with and there is a reason we met. He understands the situation and knows I want to be with him. Then a few weeks ago we had the chance to be together overnight. Neither of us expected anything to happen, (we were both happy about spending extended time together) but it did. He has been acting weird to me ever since. He says it has nothing to do with that night. But I am not so sure. He said he has a lot of other things going on right now and that is why he is acting weird and it is just coincidence. He went from talking to me all day everyday, talking about our future, calling me his girlfriend, wanting to hang out all the time to nothing. I haven't talked to him in 2 days and haven't seen him in 5 days. I am trying to give him his space, I don't know what to do. I know he does have a lot of other things going on right now, but I just want to know what is going on with us. I go back and forth on if I should contact him or not. He said he would talk to me this week about his problems, but he hasn't and he isn't even talking to me just to say hi. I just want to know where we stand. He is not the type of person to just stop contact without explanation. So I am trying to give him the chance to explain things, but in the meantime I have been nauseous everyday dwelling and stressing over what it is. If he doesn't want to be with me that's cool, just tell me!!! I feel like I am in limbo, I can't get over him because there are so many loose ends hanging and I can't go on like everything is ok because it isn't. Any advice?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-16-2011 09:59 AM

Is it possible that he feels strongly for you, yet is reserved because you're still married? Would you want to let yourself fall in love with a man that was legally married and still living with another woman?

**rockergirl155** · 08-16-2011 10:11 AM

I could never have put up with it as long as he has and I have told him how appreciative I am that he has stuck it out this long. He was always saying that he is fine with everything and that we are emotionally divorced and that is all he needs. However, I too think he had began to feel more for me than maybe he expected and is scared of getting hurt. I totally get it. I have 100% fall in love with him and I don't want to lose him though. I have been giving him his space to think things through, but I just don't know what to do.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-16-2011 10:28 AM

It's also possible he's losing interest. But if that's the case, wouldn't you rather know this now than to carry on and become more invested only to find it out later? Some guys(and girls) enjoy the hunt more than they do the feast. In other words, everything leading up to the first sex is incredible, fun, exciting...... and then sometimes once the territory has been conquered, reality sets back in and things aren't as intense.

All you can do is be honest about your feelings. You can't control whether or not he goes or stays. If you're honest about your feelings (which I'm sure you have been) and he continues to pull away, you must let him.

**rockergirl155** · 08-16-2011 10:33 AM

Yeah I can see that, but I don't think that is the case. He was really wanting to take things slow and I think he is more scared that it happened than anything. He even said he wasn't expecting that to happen that night. So I think that may be the case. And yes, if he doesn't want to be with me I want to know now. I told him if he doesn't want in this anymore than it's cool, just tell me and he said no he is still interested. So I don't know. I am just going to give him space and when he is ready to talk I will listen.

**WildChild** · 08-16-2011 01:28 PM

Get moved out.
Get a separation agreement filed and divorce started.
Focus on school and getting to a place in life where you can stand on your own.
You may never know what happened but you need to do what you need to do regardless.
If this is able to work out it won't be while you in the same space with your husband.