Thread: is it ok to look at (but not touch) ex's?

its only one ex, which is good. (he has a lot of pretty exs, if he were scrolling through ALL their pics id be really upset lol). but its bad too. why just this one? they only dated for like 2 months and she broke up with him. shes very religious and hes the opposite, so it wouldnt have worked. she was also a bit of a liar and would hang out with guys and not tell him. so she had a lot of qualities that he didnt like. im not necessarily concerned that he still wants to be with her, because he knows he and i are a billion times better of a match. i think maybe hes just impressed that he ever dated her, because she was in beauty pageants and was miss teen new jersey. it is pretty impressive, and he and i both know it. the fact that he always talks about how hot she is in his emails to his friends and not how much he misses being with her is good. but still, why is he reminiscing about her beauty?

Yes, it's okay to LOOK AT your exes. Imagine if somebody had children with their ex, but couldn't look at them? It's ridiculous!

But the emails he's sending out, "look at this hot chick, I dated her?" That's really weird. I've never known anybody to do that. If a girlfriend of mine sent me a picture of a hot guy saying, "I dated him!" I'd be really creeped out.

This is just another problem you're having with his exes. Isn't this something like 5 threads you've started on the same subject now? Is this something you'll ever get over? Is it really fair to him to be with a girl who is constantly, inexhaustibly thinking about HIS exes? And is it fair to you to have a relationship with so much trust and that makes you worry all the time?

Food for thought ...

yes youre right, i do need to stop worrying and trust. but when he says he only has eyes for me, and then i find out hes still fawning over this girl, how can i feel good about myself? hes lying...if he only had eyes for me, he wouldnt be doing this. it makes me feel ugly compared to her

I think its bad for you to be so focused on his exes, but it'd be hard not to be focused on them when HE is. I'm sure he is just bragging, like as if it makes him look better to his friends that he dated someone so hot or some type of pseudo-celeb pagent winner. My biggest concern would be his need for his friends approval in this or anything... sounds like he has a lot more maturing to do.

It's fine to have pictures as memories. But who sits and goes through their old pics all the time? And more importantly, who pulls out pics of exes and sends to their friends? I think it's extremely immature and quite honestly, a bit creepy. Fine, keep pictures, store em away in a dusty box somewhere with the rest of your past, but no, I would totally be not cool if I knew my boyfriend was sifting through pics of a particular ex frequently much less sending them out to his friends. Mostly because it would be very damaging to my self esteem and NO man is worth losing your self worth over.

As Little said..not your first post about jealousy issues over the exes. That doesn't mean you're some crazy insecure cling on. That means to me his behavior is giving you reason to doubt him. Otherwise why would you be looking through his sent files? You're doubting him based on his behavior and I can't say I blame you in this case. But there will come a point when you must realize that this is not what love is about, it's not healthy to be in the kind of relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself, makes you jealous, makes you worry, leaves you constantly in doubt.

he also has a bit of a self esteem problem, and i think maybe the reason he looks at her pics and shows her off every once in awhile is because shes the girl with the most "stature" he has dated. most men cant say they dated a beauty queen. sometimes he doesnt feel manly enough of good enough, so although he doesnt want to be with her, i think hes impressed that he was able to successfully get a beauty queen to be interested in little old him

but of all the billion nice, genuine things he says and does for me worth risking to bring this up? should i just write him off because occasionally he looks at this chick and pats himself on the back for being able to get her? i know he loves me more than life...should i let him go over this?

and yes, i know that being proud that he hooked up with a beauty queen shouldnt be what gives him a boost of self esteem, but if that is all it is, should i really be this upset? its not that he finds her more attractive or me or wants to be with her (i know he doesnt). so if he is being physically and emotionally faithful to me, i shouldnt worry this much, should i?