Thread: should I be jealous that my boyfriend goes out without me?

Originally Posted by Mes T

Hmm. I disagree with jns as well. Are we saying that people who are truly "in love" shouldn't need to spend time with their friends? That doesn't sound right.

i agree. i need time with gfs just like my bf needs his own social time too. my bf plays volleyball once a week and he socialises with male and female friends. its his thing and i respect that. he also goes out with his friends on a regular basis, its usually when im too tired to go out and he feels like letting his hair down, i think it creates resentment if u get jealous when your bf wants to go out and hang out with his friends. i have male friends he has female friends, most of that overlaps and has become mutal but at the end of the day people need the freedom to be individuals within healthy relationships.

so no unless your bf is really neglecting to spend time with you, you shouldnt be jealous

Originally Posted by jns

I post from my own experience and what I have observed of friends around me. Others mileage may vary.

I was posting from my own experiences also.

Originally Posted by Mes T

Hmm. I disagree with jns as well. Are we saying that people who are truly "in love" shouldn't need to spend time with their friends? That doesn't sound right.

I'm not saying that and I don't think that's what JNS is saying either. I was simply stating that in my experiences I nor has my SO wanted to have a night out. We've been perfectly happy being with each other. My husband turns down evenings out with the folks he works with because he says he would rather come home and be with me.

I certainly wouldn't classify myself or my husband as pathetic as SoCoKen put it because we do not have our girls night or boys night out. I think depends on the couple.

You should focus less on what you "should" feel, and more on what you DO feel.

Your feelings are real, and nobody, LEAST OF ALL you, should trivialize them. You've only been in this relationship for 3 months. If you're exhibiting doubts, likely the initial infatuation stage has passed and you are now able to scrutinize your compatibility with some level of impartiality.

Do you think he'll continue to want to go out without you for the duration of your relationship? What about after marriage? What about after having children? Are you going to be able to overcome your jealous feelings?
Is there a possibility that you could go out with him? It's about figuring out what you want in a relationship, and figuring out what will make you unhappy long-term.

Personally, I would not want to be with someone who was constantly going out to bars without me. If I were also invited (most of the time, not necessarily always,) it would be a different story. I like to go out with friends, as well as make new friends of either gender. And I would expect the goings-out to stop with the birth of a child until that child is old enough to be left with a babysitter overnight.

OP, you have the right to be happy in your relationship. If this makes you unhappy and is a deal breaker, move on. No harm, no foul - just two people who aren't necessarily compatible.

I think there are a lot of factors to consider, and context of the relationship is a big one.

Example: My husband is in the Army. In the months leading up to his deployment, I know that we would have both been hurt had the other said "I'm going out without you, bye" because of what limited time we did have together.

You also have to look at just how much common activities a couple shares. If say, you're dating a guy who loves to go to drag races/sporting events/whatever, and you don't enjoy those activities, I would think it would be normal (and healthy, ymmv) for him to go out with his friends and do those activities, while you go and do something you enjoy that he wouldn't.

Couples don't have to do everything together. Some couples do anyways, and if that works for them, great. I think the unhealthy factor would come into play if one wanted to go out, and the other demanded that they not have a life outside of their mate. I also think it would be unhealthy to be with someone, and never make any time for them.