should I be jealous that my boyfriend goes out without me?

**jenniferlee** · 08-19-2011 06:39 PM

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months now, we've been friends for 2 years. Im the first girlfriend he's had in 5 years and we used to go out all the time together. Recently he's been springing these "guys nights" on me.. which in my mind means "other girls nights"... I trust him and don't think that he would actually cheat on me but I guess I just don't fully understand what or how I'm supposed to react when "guys night" comes around.

**Mes T** · 08-19-2011 08:56 PM

Why do you think he would actually mean "other girls night"? Lots of couples do this, have "girl nights" or "guy nights" where they go out without their partner - this time apart can actually be very healthy. But if he's doing something odd when he goes out without you... Do you have a reason to believe he's going someplace/doing something inappropriate?

**-Kya-** · 08-21-2011 01:19 PM

I agree with Mes, Is he doing anything when hes with you that might suggest he would have an 'other girls night'?

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-21-2011 01:26 PM

Is there some kind of distance in your relationship? Emotionally or sexually? Because unless he's acting shady, treating you differently -- i don't know why a 'guy night' would make you feel like it might be an 'other girls' night, unless he's given you reason to think hes untrustworthy, or you guys have an otherwise unstable relationship.

Also, I think it would depend on the frequency. If its every now and then... no biggie. If he has more 'guy' nights than he has nights with you... thats an indicator that he's not having fun at home. I don't mean sexually, I just mean it would indicate that maybe he doesn't feel like himself around you, or can't relax and enjoy himself like he does with 'the guy's and that is not a good direction to be headed in.

I know , in my heart of hearts, that my boyfriend would rather spend time with me than ANY of his friends lol Its not my ego talking its just that we are that close. We are buddies and have fun and inside jokes and then he can also play with my boobs which makes me WAY more fun to hang out with than any of his male buddies :P

I think maybe some more info? Like is this a new behavior for him? Does he ever invite you to join them? Is it frequent? Is he spending more time with them than you? Is he distant towards you? And has he given you any reason to think other girls are in the picture?

**jns** · 08-21-2011 06:50 PM

A bf fully in love with his gf would have little incentive to go out with his guy friends. If he fell in love, 3 months would be a short time to fall out of love unless there were problems in the relationship. Maybe such a bf was never in love. Is there something in these observations that fit your circumstances?

**rosekitten** · 08-21-2011 07:08 PM

I don't see a problem with it. It's unhealthy to expect your partner to spend every single free moment of their time with you. Space is good, it allows individuals to be, well, individuals.

**SoCoKen** · 08-21-2011 07:35 PM

Originally Posted by jns

A bf fully in love with his gf would have little incentive to go out with his guy friends

I strongly disagree with this. Guys need to be guys sometimes, there is nothing more pathetic than a guy that never does anything without his girl. Its overdependent and its smothering.

To the OP- Its very contradictory to say you think guys nights means "other girls nights" and then also say you trust him. Time with friends is crucial for mental health. Unless he is spending more time with the boys than with you, you just need to let him have fun with his friends and relax about it.

**Fallen1** · 08-21-2011 07:53 PM

Originally Posted by SoCoKen

I strongly disagree with this. Guys need to be guys sometimes, there is nothing more pathetic than a guy that never does anything without his girl. Its overdependent and its smothering.

Just curious, and not meaning to hijack the OP's thread, are you referring to just single men or are you referring to all men?

I tend to agree with JNS. Every boyfriend/husband I've had has never wanted a boys night out and it wasn't that I demanded he not do so.

**jns** · 08-21-2011 11:58 PM

Originally Posted by Fallen1

Just curious, and not meaning to hijack the OP's thread, are you referring to just single men or are you referring to all men?

I tend to agree with JNS. Every boyfriend/husband I've had has never wanted a boys night out and it wasn't that I demanded he not do so.

I post from my own experience and what I have observed of friends around me. Others mileage may vary.

**Mes T** · 08-22-2011 12:17 AM

Hmm. I disagree with jns as well. Are we saying that people who are truly "in love" shouldn't need to spend time with their friends? That doesn't sound right.