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Thread: My boyfriend seems to always want sex.. Help?

  1. #1
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    Default My boyfriend seems to always want sex.. Help?


    My boyfriend and I are 19 years old. We've been dating for about 4 months now and we've already had sex. To be honest, when we had sex for the first time I didn't exactly want to. I wouldn't go so far as to call it rape, but I felt pressured to give in. We had sex for the first time about 1 month into our relationship. He felt like if I didn't have sex with him, then I didn't like him. So I went ahead and did it.. now I like it and I don't mind having sex with him, but now we seem to have sex every time we see each other. I don't exactly want to, but he begs for it and tells me that he likes it a lot. He gets bothered if we don't do it for a week. In the beginning of our relationship, we used to go on dates and do fun things, even go to the park. Now I just go to his house, we have sex, and then play video games. It makes me really sad because in the beginning I told him that I didn't want our relationship to become all about sex and that's all it's turned into. It's the first thing we do when I walk in the door and the last thing we do before I leave. I told him that I wanted us to go out and do more things, but he says he doesn't have money. When we do go out, he's the sweetest person and seems really sincere about me and treats me good, but days like this are rare. When we have our normal days and it's just sex, sex seems to be all he cares about. He wants to do it constantly and that's all he talks about. Now he's pressuring me to do more things sexually and I really don't feel ready for it. I have no idea what to do. I genuinely love him and he says he loves me too and that he doesn't want just sex.. but why does it feel that way? I want us to last, but I don't even know how to talk to him or get him to understand what I want. Am I overreacting? Is all of this just normal? He is 19 after all... help?

  2. #2
    jns
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    Triple Diamond Member (3,000+ posts & member 3 years+) Array jns's Avatar
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    How did he have money to be nice to you at the beginning of the relationship but not now? It sounds like he doesn't respect you. He should save up his money to take you out if he has to. Does he work? You will have to let him know what you like and enforce the rules to get him to play by them. Don't even go over unless he promises to treat you right.

    You like sex, but do you reach orgasm? Does he spend any time at foreplay? Does he make love to you or is it just sex? He sounds inexperienced and somewhat selfish. You will have to guide him so he takes care of your pleasure before he gets his.
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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Elanor-Jane's Avatar
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    oh the teenage years! hes at a stage in his life where hes rampant sexually, i have four little brothers (17, 20,20,and 23) and i cant imagine any of them taking girls out on proper dates! its all getting drunk and picking up or if theyre in a steady relationship, having sex and playing video games or watching dvd's. what you are craving is an adult relationship and unfortunatly you guys are 19. my first relationship was the same. just sex and dvds, and not one real date. wasnt til i moved to the city that i met guys a couple of years or so older than me that i realised there are men that know they have to do more for their partners than just expect sex, but this isnt always consistent, many dont get past the 19 yo version of a relationship.

    tell him you dont want a relationship that is just sex, you want more, and if he cant provide variety, that you'll find someone who can. not everything has to cost lots of money. if he has money for video games he can take u to the park for lunch, or out to the beach or whatever is close by that u like doing.

    looking back on it now my first bf was a tool he wasnt into a fun varied relationship then and when ive run into him again now were older he still seems the same. u could have a dud on your hands, also do u want to be with one person your whole life? u need to be realistic as its rare that it lasts forever from that age and if it does they all seem pretty miserable. all of the people that were couples when i went to school or after barely know each other now and all of my dads friends that were highschool sweethearts started divorcing around 7 years ago. massive divorce rate, even bigger break up rate etc. live for what makes you happy at the time. youll have a better youth if u are with someone that wants to do fun things!!
    im only 26 and regretting i didnt live more for myself when i was younger! i was so obsessed with wondering if he was the one instead of thinking about how to live my life to the fullest
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    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) FEBRUARY 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array stressed's Avatar
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    I agree with jns, sounds like he's inexperienced and is more concerned about his own pleasure than yours. Sex can be a lot more fun for you if he does it right and not just because he's excited due to hormones. When it's like that you can end up not wanting sex at all.

    You can suggest you meet at public places where you can't have sex and just go for walks or sit on a bench at the park. You have to enjoy your relationship too, not only do things to please him. Don't worry about 'making it last', if you're a good match you will last, if not then you won't, no matter how hard you'll work on it and no matter how many things you tolerate.

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    Like elanor-jane, I too know what that's like.

    I have been in this situation for almost 4 1/2 years. It started out where I was pressured in to doing it the first time, and then we did it every time we saw each other. In my experience, the boyfriend in question still hasn't stopped wanting sex. I have completely stopped wanting to do it. Does it make you feel disgusting and used after it's over? Even during? My boyfriend and I fight constantly about sex and you sound just like me. He's sweet when we're out but after a few days go by and his "manhood hasn't been serviced" he gets angry! It's depressing, right? All you want to do is love him.

    If I could go back to my 19-year-old self when this was beginning to happen to me, I would tell myself to either get out of the relationship or tell him exactly how I feel. That's what you have to do. Be honest now or you'll be miserable hiding the truth.

    Don't be afraid that he won't "like" the truth. Because it is, indeed, the truth and it needs to be heard. I hope you get it out in the open and I hope that you and yours can move past it. Best of luck.

  6. #6
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Elanor-Jane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wednesdaymorning View Post
    Like elanor-jane, I too know what that's like.

    I have been in this situation for almost 4 1/2 years. It started out where I was pressured in to doing it the first time, and then we did it every time we saw each other. In my experience, the boyfriend in question still hasn't stopped wanting sex. I have completely stopped wanting to do it. Does it make you feel disgusting and used after it's over? Even during? My boyfriend and I fight constantly about sex and you sound just like me. He's sweet when we're out but after a few days go by and his "manhood hasn't been serviced" he gets angry! It's depressing, right? All you want to do is love him.

    If I could go back to my 19-year-old self when this was beginning to happen to me, I would tell myself to either get out of the relationship or tell him exactly how I feel. That's what you have to do. Be honest now or you'll be miserable hiding the truth.

    Don't be afraid that he won't "like" the truth. Because it is, indeed, the truth and it needs to be heard. I hope you get it out in the open and I hope that you and yours can move past it. Best of luck.
    Have u left him yet?
    If I knew where I was going I would already be there
    I wish I had more time. Judicious, beautiful, augmented, whatever.
    I've always been afraid to die, but I think I'm more afraid to live. (BC, SP)

    "I would go out tonight, but i havent got a stitch to wear!" Morissey

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    There is nothing particularly wrong with him wanting sex whenever you are together. There is nothing particularly wrong about your wanting to do other things. If you can find a combination of things that you enjoy doing together, that's great, but if not, maybe you two aren't particularly compatible and should each be with someone else.

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    like the other previous commentS posted,the guy is just enjoying having sex being in his teenage age and at that age he probably feels the best way to keep a lady is by having good sex with her.you have to sit him down and let him know you are in the relationship cos you love him and you like being with him,which does not mean having constant sex.Let him understand that too much sex does make a relationship!!
    Go as far as telling him that if he does not curb his urges, you will opt out of the relationship...

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array AshB$'s Avatar
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    You need to sit his butt down and have a serious talk. His sex drive is high. That seems to be a problem with you. Your sex drives clash.
    Maybe he can't control it. I want to always have sex with my fiance. Not that I'm constantly horny, I just love being intimate. Maybe that's his issue too. Maybe he just loves the closeness. But you'd really have to talk to him about that one.
    You don't have to have money to go out and have fun. Go on a walk. A picnick. A hike. That doesn't require money. Just hang out.
    "Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."

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    Old thread - O/P has not been back to respond.

    Closed.
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