Sometimes I feel unimportant

**Imoen** · 08-23-2011 04:57 AM

Hi all,

Me and my boyfriend have been together for five months, everything was going on really well, but lately he seems to be changing.

In this particular situation that we are in, we cannot meet everyday, so sometimes we use the internet to see each other on the webcam and I can say that we spend a good 6 - 9 hours everyday chatting together when we are not seeing each other.

He used to text me every morning to check out how I am, and I felt really really happy when he did. I felt loved and important for him, but lately he is changing. Sometimes he doesn't text me at all... Other times I text him first and most of the time he doesn't answer or answers really late. I understand that he is working three days a week ( he has a 30 minute break every shift ) , and I do not expect him to text me at all while he is in work, but during the weekends and when he is off work, I still wait for those messages.

Last night I talked to him about it, why he doesn't text me anymore or why sometimes he doesn't answer when he is at home, but he got angry because he thought I was shouting at him, and he told me that if he texted me in the morning he would wake me up, and that I would be too busy doing housework to answer his texts.. but that is not true because I always answer him, whatever I'm doing.

I know that this might sound a bit childish but I do feel sad when this happens... I think he is changing his attitude towards me .... please help.... Am I over reacting to this situation? If I am over reacting, could you give me some tips on how I should let it go and not feel unimportant so much?

Thanks,
Imoen

**stressed** · 08-23-2011 11:27 AM

I think it happens after 5 months, as you both become more secure about each other and maybe he feels he doesn't need to prove to the same degree that he thinks about you. I'm a little bothered by him not answering when he's at home. Maybe he feels 6-9 hours a day is a bit too much?

Sounds like you spend A LOT of your time talking with each other when you are apart, and that keeps you from doing other things, like talking with friends instead, doing something for yourself and so on. Too many hours every day is not the best for any relationship as even when you love someone a lot it can become too much for one of the two. Try to occupy yourself with more activities when you're apart, I think it will improve things and you'll have more to say if you don't talk as much every day.

**nattynoona** · 08-25-2011 08:49 AM

I agree with the above.

You have your own lives outside of each other. See friends, have holidays. Don't sit by the phone waiting for that call. You'll end up pushing him away - been there, done that.

I only see my boyf at weekends and we text about 4 times a day. Occasionally have a phone call. I'm happy like that.

My boyf doesn't always text me when he has a day off. Because he's doing his own thing. I don't text him immediately. Because I'm often doing my own thing. we're entitled to do so. His life shouldn't resolve around me and vice versa. And yours shouldn't resolve around him.

**kygirl** · 08-26-2011 02:27 PM

I both agree and disagree with other people's posts on this one. First off, yes, maybe chatting 6-9 hours when you can't meet is a bit much. Maybe you can cut it down so that you have maybe a couple hours of good *quality* chat time, but not so much that it seems like you're just sitting around. If you like the morning texts and he says it because he doesn't want to wake you, tell him you'll put it on silent or that you don't mind.

I do think that normally things to start to "cool" down a bit. My boyfriend and I were texting WAY more often the first 2-3 months of our relationship, and while we still do, I don't feel that urgency or "fear" when it takes a while now that we've been together 6 1/2 months. I think it's the stability and security, but he *does* still occassionally send me an extra text or do during work and we chat when there is something to discuss via phone or text. My only concern is to watch and see if he responds if you dont contact him first. You don't want to be the one always doing the work. GEt a hobby, read a book, fall in love with a tv show, volunteer, something to take up some time... if he seems to fall entirely off the radar and it seems like more than just the "new" wearing off...then I'd start to wonder.

Good luck

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-27-2011 03:33 PM

We are romantic creates

And, emotional.

Life does have changes in it, it has to and you have to learn how to go with those changes, nothing stays exactly the same.

He works now, 3 days a week, what are you going to do in those three days housework?

It's time to make your own life changes, or else you will rely only on him all the time and these rifts will continue and destroy your relationship.

Remember your self worth, who you are. There is no need to worry and stress about a relationship, if you believe in yourself, love yourself, then you will be happy with the times you have together and just as happy with the times apart as you live your life as well, for you and in togetherness.