Help! I Dont understand him. am i wasting my time?

**tamami14** · 09-02-2011 05:52 AM

this is my first time posting in forums but i really need help. its a long story so please bear with it and give me advice i desperately need.

iv been a little bit happy after a year broken up with my 4yr bf. i didnt expect him to come into my life. im a bit choosy about my relationship btw im 27 yo and this guy is only 20. he really took care of me, waits for me when i need to spend time with my friens, he will then drive me to our home, text me, call me almost everyday. and this continued to 3 months of everyday doing that and i didnt know exactly when, i fell for him. he always says the right things, sweet things but then when i reciprocated it sorta changed, not outright change.
as months go by, i realized something, he is a compulsive liar. he always lies to me or doesnt say the truth. even with his past gf he didnt gave me the correct name and i learned by my own, i confronted him and he said it was just his upbringing ( bec their family is somewhat far from normal), he says hurtful words, and one year passed now he doesnt reply to my texts, but when i call him he will answer with the most hapy voice and say sweet things. then he will not call, unless i call, he says he is busy but whenever im with him, he seems to have time looking and texting to his phone. i want to understand him bec at his age, al of their business was left to him bec his father died and it is quite the ordeal he needs to handle 2 companies. he is close to me and distant at the same time. he says he loves me, but i dont feel that way. whenever im with him physically i feel his care and love, but when im not with him, i feel he is not with me and i feel unloved. he doesnt tell me where he goes, i need to call him to know, even when i know he is not doing anything he doesnt call, when we talk in the phone he sometimes doesnt listen and just continue being silent until we fall asleep or else watching tv then ignoring me but the phone is still on, he always lies even with the most simple things,he dont want to depend on me when i reach out to help him, he always go out saying its business whatever but i dont know what to believe. he doesnt seem to have time for me now, he assures me he loves me, but here i am thinking if he really does. im stucked at my age i want a stable relationship, but i know its not stable but im thinking do i need to become understanding more, what if we overcome our age difference, tradition (he is a traditional chinese), and what if he is the one im meant to be but i gave up bec of these feelings. i just feel so confused, i dont want to waste anymore of my time bec im not getting any younger and i really do dream to be married. pls help guys any advice would be great

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-02-2011 06:43 AM

It sounds like you two want different relationships. You're doing all the calling and texting and contacting. He's responding but not reciprocating. Sounds like he likes you, but doesn't want the kind of relationship you want.

Bottom line: You're not happy. You know the guy lies. You don't trust him. What kind of relationship is that? You're not an old maid at 27. You've got plenty of time to put yourself out there and find the right guy for you...but you're not likely to find him while you're hung up on someone that's not on the same page as you.

**KMonte85** · 09-02-2011 08:05 AM

It sounds like this man is playing games with you. You're good enough to be with him physically, but he can't even give you a simple text or phone call? I believe he is only talking sweetly to you when you call because he hopes to get physical with you again.

You have been broken up with this man for a year, and he has made NO effort to be in your life. Every effort comes from your side, trying to contact him. Is this what you want in a husband? Would you like to spend your entire married life worrying about what lies he is giving you, if he even talks to you at all?

You have already said you don't want to waste any more time because you're really looking for the right man to marry. I don't think you need our advice on this problem. You already know what you need to do, it is very evident in your post, but you are hesitant to start over based on your hope for him to change. Please do not continue a relationship on the hope that he will change. If you were going to overcome the problems with him, you would have done so in the last 4 years, or however long it has been since you started the relationship.

It is time for you to move on, as he so obviously has... don't spend any more time with the calls and texts to him. Get out with your friends and meet new people, and perhaps you will come across a nice man who will treat you in the loving and caring way you deserve. But that can not happen until you let go of your ex. Let go, and give yourself the chance to meet a much more suitable boyfriend.

**Exphailure** · 09-02-2011 08:22 AM

I agree with the above post, let go and live. I was in a relationship for 3 years, my boyfriend was different with a difficult life, but to me he was just amazing, his faults didn't count no matter how much they worried, or bothered me.

I overlooked every thing wrong with him (lying, ignoring, rude comments), and here I am today filled with regret at not having followed my gut instinct, I thought he would change too. But the fact is if I had sat with my boyfriend and let him know how I feel I might have more of my pride left in tact, because, as you can guess, he didn't change and I was played and strung along, until he decided he was done with me.