Two major relationship problems!

**begging for help** · 09-13-2011 05:15 AM

Heyy.
I have two problems...
firstly, my boyfriend always makes me feel jealous by telling me he was talking to another girl and she was really cool and funny to talk too. What do I do or how do I react?
Secondly, He thinks I'm being too clingy by wanting to talk to him and call him... I just love him so much and I sometimes only see him every two weeks

What do I do? PLEASE HELP ME.

**Seeker_Advice** · 09-13-2011 08:44 AM

A male's perspective...

Jealousy is a choice. We choose to be jealous about another's words or actions and that is often because we are not 100% comfortable with ourselves or in our relationship with whoever we are jealous about.

What is wrong with your BF talking with other women? Should he not have any female friends other than you? His choice of words are unfortunate, saying another girl is really cool and funny to talk to, but maybe you're taking them the wrong way. Could that be true? Are you reading too deep into what he is actually saying?

Clingy? This is a toughy... What you deem to be clingy and what he deems to be clingy can be two very different things. How often do you call? Text? E-mail? or otherwise communicate with him? If it's more than a couple of times each day, then it might be a bit much. Try to back off a little bit and see how he responds.

Only seeing someone that your crazy about makes it tough, but the possibility of chasing him away completely would be a lot tougher.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-13-2011 03:00 PM

begging for help, welcome to the Forum, glad you found us.

I think if we could have a little bit more information, it would help our members contribute more to providing an answer of opinions.

Such as, why do you only see him once a fortnight? And, do you speak on the phone as well, if so how often and how is he towards you on the phone?

How long have you two been going out together.

Often a male in a more "long distance" style relationship, will deliberately "try"to make you jealous to ensure he has you and you don't leave or stray but it's a domino effect as well, as you get worried, yourself about him and start being all soft and soggy and so, clingy...

I personally would like to hear more of your story because there are other opinions that can be gleened as well.

CW

**stressed** · 09-13-2011 03:08 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Often a male in a more "long distance" style relationship, will deliberately "try"to make you jealous to ensure he has you and you don't leave or stray but it's a domino effect as well, as you get worried, yourself about him and start being all soft and soggy and so, clingy...
CW

I agree and it has happened to me as well, while I'm not jealous and haven't been except for the long-distance guy who also told me about this or that cool girl he got in touch with. This kind of guys like that you are jealous because they like the attention

I believe jealousy is caused by the person who triggers it, the rest doesn't take much to evolve into something permanent.

You can either ask him to keep the comments about girls to himself (but then he will still talk to them and you can't argue with him that he didn't tell you about it), you can also tell him about other 'cool guys' you've been talking with, OR distance yourself from this relationship, meet new people, guys, go out with friends and so on, instead of worrying about a guy who makes you feel jealous and clearly cannot handle a long-distance relationship in a mature manner. Long-distance isn't for everyone.

**SomiticPit** · 09-13-2011 07:30 PM

To me he doesn't sound like he cares to make your relationship, or your feelings, a priority. No girl wants to hear about how some other girl is "cool and funny". It makes you, as his girlfriend feel that he is complimenting another female when he should be complimenting you. It also causes you to subconsciously compare yourself to this "funny and cool" girl. You begin to think, "Am I not cool or funny? Does he wish I was more cool and funny?" And I think he knows this. In my opinion, I don't think it's a poor choice of words on his part that he should be forgiven for. I feel that as your boyfriend, he said that on purpose to toy with your feelings when he shouldn't have said that. This is all depending on where your relationship stands, and how well you know each other. I may just be looking at this from too much of a personal perspective. I'm thinking if my boyfriend of one year said that to me about some other girl, it would cause a big fight. And if I said that to him about some other guy, it would cause a big fight. But me and him take our relationship very seriously. So...let me ask you a question:

How long have you known him, and how long have you been dating one another?

Also, it seems that since he told you he talks to another girl who is cool and funny, he's trying to let you know that he is keeping his options open, while keeping you on the sidelines. That's just how it seems to me. I think by him coming forth with the idea that you are too clingy when you only see him every two weeks may support this idea. How can you be too clingy if you only see him every two weeks? If my boyfriend and I only saw each other every two weeks, I would expect (as would he) to have a conversation every night!! But then again, I may be looking at this from a too personal view. It would just really help me if I knew how long you have been seeing each other. You say you love him so much which could suggest a lengthy relationship, or it could just suggest a very obsessive girlfriend...(not saying you are, but just trying to keep different scenarios in mind)